So I threw my shoulders back and narrowed my eyes. “If you have to ask, then you don’t deserve to know the answer.” I pushed at his arm, astonished when he let me brush it away, and stood. I turned to go.
In a heartbeat, he was at the door in front of me, blocking my exit.
“Let me go.” I kept my eyes forward, refusing to meet his. I felt his pull, though. Felt the puppet string at my head, tugging my chin up to look at him, to obey him, to submit.
But I kept my eyes forward. Because if I didn’t, I’d crumble. If I didn’t, I’d be back under his thumb, and while I wanted to be there, I didn’t want to be there like this.
Several seconds passed. Seconds that stretched and yawned and made my pulse tick higher and the back of my neck sweat. Seconds that chipped away at my resolve and began to uncover my fear.
Then, finally, he shifted, and I flinched.
But he only moved to open the door and let me out.
I made it to my room before I fell apart. There, with the wood of my own door at my back, I sunk to the floor and gasped for breath between sobs. He could have made me answer him. He could have forced me. Could have grabbed me or choked me or physically hurt me in a myriad of ways. He was that strong. He was that capable. He could have done so much.
The worst part was that he didn’t.
CHAPTER 5
I managed to avoid Reeve until much later that evening. I’d spent much of my time with Amber, hoping for a chance to talk, but just as content to be near her. She’d slept off and on through the afternoon and when I thought I might have a shot, she decided she felt well enough to have more visitors. Word had gotten out among the ranch staff that she was back, and, apparently¸ many of them had been fond of her.
Which wasn’t surprising.
Feeling the odd man out, I curled up on the love seat in her room while Brent and Parker, the stable manager, doted over her along with a handful of other cowboys I’d seen around but never spoken more than two words with. Even Cade, one of the men who worked the surveillance room, seemed to be friendly with Amber.
She’d been here longer, I told myself. Of course she’d have more friends. Of course she’d fit in as though they were her family and she wasn’t just the ranch owner’s fuck toy. Because she hadn’t been that for Reeve like I had been. Like maybe I still was.
Joe seemed to be the only one who noticed my withdrawal. He sat on the arm of the couch next to me, and I tensed at his nearness when he leaned in and said, “She sure has a lot of fans.”
I hugged my knees to my chest and smiled bitterly. “Oh, yes. Everyone always loves Amber best.”
“Not everyone.”
Uneasiness ran through me as I assumed he was talking about himself, but when I followed the line of his gaze, I found Reeve at the end of it. Reeve, who, despite Amber’s presence in the room, was looking at me.
Around midnight, I slipped out and went to my room to shower and change for bed. Having expected to primarily sleep naked when I’d packed, I had to be creative with what to wear, settling on an oversized T-shirt that barely hit the tops of my thighs. It covered enough, I decided. The only person who might be bothered by the length was Reeve, and I didn’t really mind bothering him at the moment.
Back in Amber’s room, I was almost disappointed to find he’d left. Well, everyone had left, and now only Jeb was there changing her IV.
“Tomorrow,” he said, tapping the line to get the fluid moving, “I want to get you on real food. If you tolerate a soft breakfast and lunch, you might be able to join everyone downstairs for dinner.”
“You know how much I love dinner,” Amber teased, and the way Jeb laughed made me sure I’d missed an inside joke.
I picked up the laptop on the bed next to her. “Are you still using this?”
She shook her head. “I’m done with it. Thank you.”
I closed the lid and set the computer on the top of the dresser. Then I stretched out beside her in the full-size bed and waited for Jeb to finish his checkup. “I’m on shift with you until four,” I said. “So I’ll be over on the sofa if you need me. Unless you want me to climb under the covers with you here.”
She turned awkwardly onto her uninjured side to face me, flinching slightly with the movement. “Remember when we used to share that twin at your mom’s house?” Her eyes twinkled with the memory. It was infectious. “We used to stay up half the night talking.”
“You need rest, not talking,” Jeb scolded.
She peered at him over her shoulder. “I won’t be able to keep my eyes open for longer than ten minutes, so quit your worrying. When did you turn all prison guard, anyway?”
“Maybe when you started acting like someone who needed to be kept in line.”
“Fair enough.” Her expression was somber when she turned back toward me, and I wondered if Jeb’s comment had her thinking the same things I was. About how Reeve had “kept” her before. I didn’t think Jeb had known about that, so his comment was made innocently, but it had to hit home with Amber. Did she regret that she’d ever got involved with a man who wanted to guard her? Or did she regret that she’d ever left him?
Whatever her regrets were or weren’t, I didn’t like seeing the pain that was now etched in her features. I preferred the glow she’d had when talking about the past.
“You used to spoon me,” I said, attempting to rekindle that glow. She’d been the first person I’d ever slept in the same bed with. I could still recall the warmth of her body next to mine, how it made me feel safe and protected and cared for in ways I’d never been. In so many ways, she’d been my first love, and, while I’d never been attracted to her sexually, I’d been attracted to everything else about her. Especially to the way she’d made me feel about myself.