“It’s not Amber begging for me to be inside her.”
I dropped the pill bottles to the floor and slammed my hands over my ears. “I’m not listening to this.”
He was only a few feet from me now, but he halted abruptly. “Put your hands down.” The teasing edge had vanished and was replaced with bitterness. “Or I’ll tie them behind your back.”
It was meant to be a punishment, and it was, only the punishment was not in the threat, but in how difficult it was to deny him.
“Don’t touch me,” I begged. “You can’t touch me.”
“I can’t?”
I shook my head, fiercely this time, even though it didn’t matter how furiously I protested – if he wanted to touch me, he would. And it wouldn’t ever be nonconsensual, no matter how many times I said no, because he and I both knew that, despite my objections, I wanted him to touch me. More than anything.
He closed nearly the entire distance between us. “You don’t mean that. You don’t mean to tell me what I can and can’t do with what belongs to me.”
My entire body went weak. If I hadn’t had support behind me, I would have collapsed.
He placed a forearm on the wall next to my head and leaned in so that his mouth was only an inch away from my ear. “Tell me I’m right.”
I swallowed, my eyes watering. “Yes.”
“Good girl.” His lip curled up. With one arm still braced on the wall, he glanced down between us where his other hand continued to jerk himself off. “For being such a good girl, I’m going to give you a reward. I’ll let you stop worrying about what I’ll do to you. I’m not going to touch you. I’m not going to fill your mouth with my cock even though I could. You know I could. I’m not going to squeeze your breasts or stick my fingers in your cunt. I’m not going to lick swirls around that pretty little clit.”
Each word out of his mouth pinched and bruised and slapped. I ached for the touch he talked about, the physical touch he’d denied thus far. And I knew him well enough now to understand that he wouldn’t give me anything until I asked for it. That was his secret weapon, what made him different from all the men I’d been with before him – he wouldn’t allow me just to take what he gave. He made me want. He made me accept.
“All I’m going to do is make you watch.” The low rumble of his voice so near my skin made the hair stand up on my neck. “Watch me stroke myself.”
“Stop!” I cried, surprising even myself.
He stilled.
I closed my eyes and tears slid openly down my cheeks. “Please, stop. I can’t do this anymore. You know I’ll do whatever you want me to. You know you have that power, but I’m begging you, please, stop.”
He was silent, but I could feel that he hadn’t moved. Gathering my courage, I opened my eyes again and focused on an imaginary spot behind his ear. “If you keep on doing this,” I said, my voice choked, “she’s going to find out that we still have feelings for each other and it’s going to break her. And that will break me. And not in the way you want me to be broken.”
It was everything I had laid bare in front of him. What he chose to do with it was up to him. I wouldn’t fight anymore. I couldn’t. This was the last bit of restraint I possessed, and my resolve was quickly deteriorating.
He let another several seconds pass before he lifted his forearm off the wall and then slammed it back down in frustration. “Goddammit, Emily,” he rasped. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“I know. And you couldn’t ever lose me.” Just like Amber could never lose me. “That’s why I’m asking you to let me go.”
He straightened, and I could see the war behind his eyes as he scrubbed his hand over his chin. “No,” he said after several long seconds. “I can’t do that. I’m sorry. I won’t let you go.”
“Reeve…” I wasn’t pleading anymore. I was his to keep or discard as he chose, and he’d decided to keep me.
Except then he went on. “I can’t let you go, but I can continue to give you space. If that’s what you need.”
“And you won’t do this anymore? You won’t come on to me?” I wasn’t sure if I felt optimistic or destroyed.
“I won’t come on to you.” He sounded as ruined as I felt. “Until you say I can.”
“But what if that’s never?”
He met my eyes, and with all the solemnness of a vow, he said, “It won’t be.”
He held my gaze for a moment longer, then turned his back to me and walked toward the bathroom, stooping to pick up the towel he’d discarded on his way.
I didn’t wait a second longer before swiping the bottles off the floor and darting out the door.
My legs shook the entire way to my room. I dumped the pills in the bottom of my suitcase, turned off the light, and climbed into bed fully dressed. A second later, I jumped up and locked my door. Reeve had let me go tonight, but I didn’t trust him to be able to stay away.
To be fair, I didn’t trust myself to stay away either.
CHAPTER 19
Several days passed, and we settled into a manageable routine. I spent most days lounging on the lanai off the wing I shared with Amber, reading terrible scripts that my agent had sent over. If I could book something even halfway decent before I had to be back to the NextGen set in August, maybe I’d have a chance at a career that utilized more than just my voice. It was the start of planning for what came next. When I got back to LA. After Reeve.