“It wasn’t against you, Tanner. It was for you. I love you like a brother, but you’re shutting yourself off. Except for me and your brothers and cousins, you never see anyone anymore. You’re closing yourself off, Tanner, and I don’t like seeing it.”
His friend’s voice was serious, concerned. Tanner could admit, at least to himself, that maybe Mitch had a point. He had been more closed off in the last year or two than he used to be. He wasn’t even sure why. It had been a slow-building thing, the pulling away from the world. He’d simply turned his back on…pretty much everything, he realized.
Hell, he hadn’t been to visit any of his brothers in a couple of years. Hardly even spoke to them on the phone anymore, now that he thought about it. Working with Nathan on the game had been as close to sociable as Tanner had managed to get in longer than he cared to think about.
But that was his choice, wasn’t it?
“And this was your answer?”
“Seemed like a good idea at the time.”
Lights came on at the tree farm. Small white twinkling lights, strung between the telephone poles and wound through the branches of the trees separating the farm from his place. Had they always been there, Tanner wondered. Had he just never noticed them?
What else hadn’t he noticed?
“Tanner, don’t be so hard on Ivy.”
He laughed and rubbed his eyes, trying to ease the headache pounding behind them. “Why shouldn’t I be?”
“This whole thing was my idea, after all,” Mitchell said softly. “Look, see it from Ivy’s perspective. You were threatening her home, her livelihood. The King name carries a lot of weight in California. She knew that if you wanted to make real trouble for her or the valley that a judge would listen to you. Her life was on the line.”
“Yeah, I guess…” He turned around, pulled out a kitchen chair and dropped into it. Reaching out one hand, he dragged a finger through the frosting on the cake and brought it to his mouth. Perfect. Of course.
“Besides, what did she really do that was so awful?” Mitchell asked. “She woke you up. Introduced you to your neighbors. Showed you how to live. So she had to lie to do it. If you’d known what she was up to, you never would have gone along with it, so cut her a break.”
She had done all that. And more, Tanner thought, but didn’t say. There were some things he wouldn’t admit even to his closest friend. Things like what he’d been feeling for Ivy. Like the fact that his dreams were full of her. That his body hungered for hers. That since she walked out, he felt as though his heart had been ripped from his chest.
“Still want to fire me?”
“No,” Tanner said and leaned back in his chair, kicking his legs out in front of him. “But if you come anywhere near me in the next couple of weeks, I’ll kick your butt for you.”
“Understood. And thanks for the warning.”
When he hung up, Tanner realized that even though Mitchell had been part of the deception, that relationship was safe. He wouldn’t turn from a years-long friendship even though Mitch had been part of the lie.
So why couldn’t he forget what Ivy had done?
Because, he told himself, Ivy had betrayed him on a much deeper level.
She’d touched something in him that no one else ever had.
She had said she loved him.
And that lie he couldn’t forgive.
Eleven
Ivy missed him.
Three days after she’d left his house, with angry words ringing in her ears, she ran her hand over the orange mesh walls of the bounce house and sighed at the images rushing through her mind. The first time Tanner had touched her. The first time she’d come apart in his arms. And the moment when she knew there would be more to come. How was she expected to forget about him, when his memory was all around her?
There were a couple dozen people wandering around the farm at the moment. Families visiting their Christmas trees, others having lunch or shopping, and then there was her own crew putting the finishing touches on the setup for the wedding that was being held in the morning. There were at least a hundred things she should be doing. Instead, she was lost in her own thoughts.
She’d known it would be hard to be without Tanner. But she hadn’t realized just how empty she would feel.
She had spent the last few days like a sleepwalker. She did her job, checked final arrangements for the big wedding that weekend and tried to pretend that everything was normal.
But it wasn’t. And never would be again.
God, she thought, turning around to lean back against the inflated rubber castle, when David had died, she’d wanted to curl into a ball and cry for months. She’d thought her life was over and for a time, it had been. But she’d recovered, found her feet again and finally moved on.
Losing Tanner was so much more overwhelming. She hadn’t lost him to death, she’d just lost him. He was right next door and might as well be as far from her as David. And this time, the pain was so huge that crying didn’t help. Didn’t ease the crushing pressure in her chest. She didn’t want to cry, she wanted to fall into a hole and drag it in after her.
But once again, she couldn’t give in to her own inner turmoil. There was even more at stake now than there had been four years ago. So she would keep walking. Keep working. And keep dreaming of what might have been.
God, she was an idiot. Why had she done it? Why had she started a relationship with a lie?
“Ivy?” From a distance, Carol Sands, the local florist, shouted to her.
“Yeah! Coming!” She dragged herself out of her thoughts and headed off to solve the latest crisis. No time to feel sorry for herself. That would have to wait until night, when she lay alone in her bed trying to sleep.
She joined Carol and fell into step beside her, pitifully grateful for something to focus on besides herself and her own gloom.
“The bride’s room is ready,” Carol told her, a huge smile on her face. “I brought the flowers for the vase arrangements over now and stored them in the refrigerator. I’ll bring the bouquets in the morning.”
“That’s good. The bride should be here by eleven.” Ivy glanced at the people she passed and smiled at those she knew. Hopefully no one would notice that her smile wasn’t exactly filled with warmth.
Carol was still talking. “Dan’s got the umbrella tables set up in the meadow and the scarlet tablecloths Mrs. Miller stitched are at the gift shop in the back room.”
“Right. We’ll get everyone on it early tomorrow so it’ll be perfect by the time the bride gets here.” Bride. Wedding. Happily ever after. Well, she thought, at least someone was getting a happy ending. Her heart twisted in her chest, but she swallowed past the knot in her throat to say, “If you can be here by eight-thirty, we can get the centerpieces arranged and the crew will be here to help you out.”