He was anti-marriage and totally cynical about any love relationship lasting. Fatherhood was an extremely sore point with him and if control of his life was taken out of his hands by having fatherhood thrust upon him…Tess mentally shuddered at his possible reaction. Fierce resentment would be the least of it and she was not about to let that touch her son.
Better for Nick that he didn’t know. Better for herself, too. Nick Ramirez was like forbidden fruit. She couldn’t stop wanting him even though she knew being near him was poisonous to any peace or happiness in her life. It had been like breaking an addiction to give up dealing with him professionally when she could no longer hide her pregnancy. To invite a lifelong tie with him by telling him about their child…Tess knew that could only bring her continuous torment.
‘Keeping secrets…’ Her father’s breath hissed out from between his teeth, a sure sign of unease. ‘It’s a recipe for future grief. Time will come when the boy will want to know who his father is.’ His shaggy white eyebrows beetled down. ‘Are you going to tell him lies? Say his father’s dead?’
‘I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far ahead.’
‘Well, start thinking about it, Tessa,’ he sternly advised. ‘Best get things straight with the father now because your son has the right to know who he is and shocks aren’t good further down the road.’
She looked askance at him, trying to gauge if she dared bring up the sensitive past. Only recently Livvy had told her what had happened all those years ago between her father and Nick. As Brian’s new second wife, she’d heard all about the boy’s visit from her angry husband, how Miss Centre of her own Bloody Universe, Nadia Kilman/Steele/Manning, hadn’t bothered to tell her Brazilian lover’s bastard son that he wasn’t Brian’s son.
‘Like…with Nick Ramirez, Dad?’ she asked hesitantly.
He grimaced at the reminder, then glanced sharply at her. ‘Who told you about that?’
‘Livvy.’
He snorted. ‘No doubt your mother recounted it as a piece of high drama.’
‘Actually she thought I should be aware of the family background since I was doing business with him.’
‘Business…’ His eyes openly mocked that motivation. ‘Just a line for Livvy to hang her tittle-tattle onto. Business is business. A man as successful as Nick Ramirez is at what he does, would never let who you are get in the way of what’s working for him. Besides, he eventually took his real father’s name and you have the right to mine. He’d respect that.’
‘But it was a shock to him…back then?’ Tess prompted, wanting to continue this thread of their conversation.
‘Hell of a shock!’ Her father winced over the memory. ‘I didn’t deal kindly with him. Something I’ll always regret. I was so mad at Nadia, so mad at being tricked into thinking he was my son, I took it out on him. And none of it was his fault. He was just a boy, fighting for what he believed was his rights.’
‘So in a way…you admired him?’ she probed.
A wry laugh. ‘No, I hated his guts because I kept seeing that blasted Brazilian popinjay in him. But afterwards I felt ashamed of how I broke the truth to him. I was furious with Nadia at not having done it herself.’ A rueful sigh. ‘He was only seven years old yet he stood his ground, defying me until I smashed his belief in me as his father. And then…it was like I’d killed something in him.’
He shook his head at her. ‘I wouldn’t like you to put your son—my grandchild—in that kind of position, Tessa. I don’t care about the father. Just don’t do it to your boy. He has the right to know. Know from the very beginning.’
It was a sobering piece of advice, cutting through the emotional turmoil that always swirled around Tess’s thinking about Nick. To her it was totally unforgettable that he’d been embarrassed about having sex with her, that he couldn’t put it behind him fast enough, careful never to even slightly refer to it after they’d agreed that one intimate flashpoint shouldn’t affect their work relationship.
He frequently used her services as a casting agent to get the right people acting in the TV commercials he created. In the months of face to face business discussions with him during the early stages of her pregnancy, Tess had waited for—yearned for—some sign that he might feel drawn towards having more than a work relationship with her.
A stupid wish, she knew. And, of course, no sign had come. In fact, it hadn’t taken him long to start a hot affair with another one of the models who streamed through his life. And bed.
Once Livvy had told her the background, Tess had realised that Nick Ramirez would never seek an intimate connection with Brian Steele’s daughter. It had probably amused him to use her casting agency, although after she’d proved her worth to his business, he’d come to respect her judgement.
They’d even reached a kind of platonic friendship in their mutual understanding of each other’s backgrounds. But the desire that had flared up one night…to Nick it had been highly undesirable in hindsight, never to be allowed to slip past his guard again.
Common sense had forced her to adopt the same attitude whenever they’d met professionally, and each meeting had hammered home the point he wanted no consequences from what he obviously considered a moment of madness. Business, as before, was strictly adhered to.
However, Tess now realised her father was right. Her own feelings and Nick’s feelings were irrelevant. It wasn’t their baby’s fault that he was a consequence. They’d made a child and every child had the right to know its biological parents. She was going to have to tell Nick, but not until she was feeling less raw about it, more able to adopt and hold onto a totally convincing independent stance.
Her mobile phone played its call tune.
She smiled at her father as she picked up the personal communicator and stood to move away for some privacy. ‘Keep an eye on Zack for me while I deal with this?’
He nodded while grumbling, ‘Don’t know why you had to call him Zack. What kind of name is that? Some fancy idea from your mother, I’ll bet…’
This was undoubtedly her father’s way of letting her know he was well aware of the media’s spotlight on her mother’s arrival in Sydney yesterday, and he was assuming the call was from Livvy who had recently earned his disapproval by attaching herself to a toyboy.