Most nights she cried herself to sleep, and the days were a struggle to get through. Morning sickness became a daily occurrence. She kept a careful diet, but she seemed to be putting on too much weight. She felt gross and unattractive, which depressed her further. She had known other women whose pregnancy had not shown for five or six months, but obviously that was not going to be the case with her. The doctor explained that some women carried more fluid than others and there was no reason for her to be dis-turbed about it. She was doing just fine.
But she wasn't doing fine. Apart from the morning sickness she felt tired all the time and tears gushed into her eyes at any little mishap. One night she dropped a cup in the kitchen, and she was kneeling over the pieces on the floor, in uncontrollable floods of tears, when Hal came in. She felt too weak to resist his hold on her as he lifted her up and drew her into a comforting embrace. She just laid her head on his shoulder and sobbed.
'Karen, you can't go on like this,' he said quietly, his voice full of concern. 'You must give up work. You're not having enough rest. I'll take David to the kindergarten every day if you want him to continue there.'
It sounded like concern for her. He was stroking her hair as if he cared. But it couldn't be so, she thought miserably. He was only worried about the baby. His baby. She dragged her head up and pushed away from him. He seemed reluctant to let her go, but he did.
'All right,' she sniffed, 'I'll give up work.' She took a deep, steadying breath. 'I think David needs the company of other children, so I'll arrange that he keep on at the kindergarten two days a week. That shouldn't disturb your schedule too much.'
His eyes reproached her. 'David is my son too, Karen. I don't mind going out of my way for him. Every day, if that's what you think he should have.'
She shook her head. 'Not without me there.' Then knowing she had unwittingly hurt him, she added more softly, 'I'm sorry, Hal, I didn't mean you wouldn't care to do it for him. I know you care.'
'For you too, Karen, if only you'd let me.' He looked sincere. He sounded sincere. But it had to be for the baby; he didn't really mean her.
'I'll ... I'll be all right,' she stammered defensively, and turned away, hurrying out of the room before her need for him could tempt her back into his arms.
Hal didn't follow her. Not that Karen had expected him to, but she felt more lonely than ever. Despite his opinion of her she still loved him, could not help loving him. And that was another burden she had to bear on her own.
Another month passed. Karen was beginning to feel grotesque, her body was so swollen. The doctor also showed concern when she went for her monthly check-up. He examined her with more thoroughness than usual, frowning and double-checking. Fear chased around her mind.
'Is there something wrong?' she asked anxiously.
The morning sickness had finally passed. Was that a good sign or a bad sign? she worried frantically.
'No, not at all,' the doctor assured her. 'However, I'd just like a further check, so I'll make an appointment for you to have an ultra-sound scan. And I'll also get you to see a specialist obstetrician.'
'Why?' Karen demanded, panicking at the measures being taken.
'Nothing to worry about, Mrs Chissolm. We send most pregnant mothers to have a scan at about this time--standard procedure. You can even be told your baby's sex if you want to know.'
'But the obstetrician?'
'I'm sure your husband would want you to have the best of care, Mrs Chissolm.' He gave a cheerful grin. 'Husbands can get more uptight than their wives over having babies! Now I'll just get my nurse to make the appointments for you.'
Karen fretted all the way home. There was something wrong. The doctor wasn't telling her, but there was surely something wrong. She was in such a state of emotional tension when Hal came home that she burst into tears as soon as she saw him.
'It's not my fault, Hal,' she sobbed into his chest. 'I didn't do anything wrong--I swear it!'
'Hush now,' he murmured, gently hugging her closer.
'I did everything the doctor told me, truly I did!' she cried hysterically.
'Karen, don't take on so. Just tell me why you're so upset.'
Under his comforting touch she spilled out everything that had happened in the doctor's office. Hal soothed her fears with a calm stream of common sense, then walked her upstairs and put her to bed, insisting that he would look after dinner. He brought her a meal on a tray, stayed with her while she ate some of it, saw to David's needs until his bedtime, then returned to Karen.
'Hal, I really have taken care of myself,' she assured him, still racked with anxiety. 'It's my baby too.'
He sat down on the bed next to her and took one fretful hand in his, calming it with his warmth. 'It's our baby, Karen, and I know you want it as much as I do. Don't keep upsetting yourself. The doctor didn't say there was anything wrong.'
'But .. .'
'He was quite right. I do want the best of care for you, and I'm coming with you to both of those appointments.'
Tears flooded into her eyes again. 'Thank you,' she whispered huskily, wishing he was holding more of her than her hand. Her need for him was so great at that moment that pride and hurt were crushed under its weight. 'Hal ... would you stay with me tonight? I ... I don't want to be alone.' Her eyes were too blurred to see his expression clearly, but it seemed to be a reflection of what she felt.
'I don't want to be alone either,' he murmured, and gathered her up into a tender embrace. His mouth brushed over her hair again and again, planting whispers of kisses which seemed to express the same yearning that was in Karen's soul. She clung
unashamedly to him, revelling in his tenderness and his strength, breathing in the warm, male scent of him, wanting him never to let her go.
He stayed with her all night, and Karen could once more dream that he loved her. He did not make love to her, but he held her in his arms, cradling her with a tenderness which was more moving than any sexual overture. She did not care if it was only compassion that kept him with her. They were together again. Neither of them spoke a word about the issue, but Hal did not return to his separate bedroom the next night, or the next, or any night before Karen's appointment for the ultra-sound scan.
She had been instructed to drink two pints of water before going to the medical centre; her bladder had to be full for the scan to be successful. Karen forced the water down, but she felt dreadfully uncomfortable on the trip to the centre. She doubted that she would have made it without Hal. It distressed her when a young technician separated them.
'How long will this take?' demanded Hal, as tense and anxious as herself.
'About half an hour, Mr Chissolm,' the technician answered cheerily.
Just routine work for her, Karen thought grimly as she was led away. She was placed on a table and a machine was suspended over her. The technician rubbed an oil over her stomach and then ran some small gadget over it.