“Thanks again,” I said as I pushed open the door.
He didn’t move. “I’ve been waiting for a chance like this. Can I come in? For just a minute? I’d like to talk to you.”
Oh God.
Chapter 6
Maybe it was a dumb, impulsive, foolish thing to do. But I let Shane into my condo and I shut the door.
A part of me didn’t want to hear what he was there to say; another part did. The part that did got her way.
I motioned to the kitchen. “Can I get you something to drink? Coffee?”
“No. This won’t take long.”
Good.
Appearing a little nervous, he glanced around my living room. “I’ve had some time to think about things, about you, about my life, about a lot of things. I even went to…a counselor. I’ve never done that. Not even when I was a kid.”
That had to be significant.
Wanting to avoid interrupting him, I didn’t speak, only nodded.
“I’ve concluded that I don’t deserve a woman like you. I don’t. I don’t know how to make you happy. I don’t know how to have a real relationship. I have…challenges…I need to work out.” He heaved a visible sigh. “But I can’t stop thinking about you.”
At the sound of those words, my heart literally jumped in my chest. I could tell, by the way he’d said them, by the expression on his face, that I had become more than a submissive, more than a plaything to be used and then thrown aside when he became bored.
“What does this mean, Shane?”
“It means…I want to learn to be a better man. And I want you to teach me.”
I staggered a tiny bit. “Me?” I said through them.
“Yes, you. Only you. I don’t want another submissive. I want…a girlfriend. A lover. A partner.”
Those were the words I’d longed to hear. My spirit soared. My eyes burned. They were happy tears, not sad.
“No sharing?” I asked, almost afraid to believe what I was hearing.
“No. Never.”
“No other submissives?”
“No.”
“What about the rest of it? The bondage? The rules?”
“I can’t just turn it all off, and I don’t think you want me to.” His lips curled slightly into a hint of a smile.
“Maybe I don’t want you to turn it all off,” I admitted.
His smile amped up to full wattage. “Does that mean you’ll give me a chance?”
Did it?
I wanted Shane to be the man of my dreams. I had a feeling he could be. But how many times had I heard about the dangers of trying to change someone? Was it fair to expect him to change for me? Was it realistic?
“It won’t be easy,” he said. “I’m a stubborn ass sometimes, and I’ve learned some of the issues I have run deep. But I can promise you that I won’t give up. If there’s one thing I’m not, it’s a quitter.”
That I did believe.
Arms folded over my chest, I studied his handsome face. Would that be the face I would look at someday as I spoke my wedding vows? Or would that be the face of the man who would destroy me? I had a feeling it would be one or the other. I wasn’t sure I had the courage to risk the latter.
“I need some time to think about it, Shane. We’ve spent so little time together. And what time we’ve spent has either been ha**ng s*x or fighting. If this goes bad…I don’t want to think what it might do to me.”
“Fair enough.” He reached for the doorknob, twisted it.
I set a hand on his arm just as he was about to leave. “I want to be brave for you. I do. I’m just scared.”
“I’m scared for you.” He reached for me then pulled his hands back as if he felt he didn’t have the right to touch me. “Call me. I won’t badger you.”
“Thank you.” I stepped up to him, stood on tiptoes, wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him.
He folded his strong arms around me and held me tightly. “You’re welcome.” He kissed the top of my head.
Ohhhh. This felt so good, so right. A pleasantly warm feeling of comfort and contentment flashed through me. I felt myself smiling.
Until he released me. Then I felt sad and lonely.
“If I don’t leave now…” He lifted a brow. Then he stepped outside.
I watched him go, my heart pounding in my chest.
I had a decision to make.
Already, my heart knew what it wanted.
I didn’t need time to think it over. Even my subconscious knew what I wanted.
I was terrified, yes. More scared about facing this next stage in our relationship than I had the first. Because now it wasn’t just a casual thing. It wasn’t just sex or kinky games. It was about feelings, developing a real connection. Building the foundation for something that might last the rest of our lives.
My heart in my throat, I raced out the front door. I saw Shane’s car. The engine was rumbling. But the headlights were still out. He hadn’t left yet.
Waving my arms, I barefooted it down the front walk. His door swung open and he was out of the car before I’d run more than a few feet. We met somewhere in the middle. Our bodies smashed together. Then he grabbed my face, sandwiching it between his hands and kissed me.
Shane was one hell of a kisser. Every kiss he’d given me had sent my mind reeling. But this kiss was different.
It was a claiming, yes. It was a possession. But it was also a surrender, as if he were surrendering to me, to his need for me.
While his mouth told me how much he’d missed me, he swept me up into his arms and carried me back to my house. In we went, through the front door. I giggled in our joined mouths as he kicked it shut. He carried me to my bedroom and set me gently on the bed.
I could count his every breath as he stared at me, he was breathing so hard. His pupils were so wide I could barely see the color of his eyes. His face was flushed.
He visibly swallowed. “I want…I want to make love to you now.”
Ohmygod, the way he’d said that, I felt like I might soar to the clouds.
“Yes,” I said, extending my arms to pull him to me. “Please make love to me.” My hands found the bottom of his shirt. “May I?”
He nodded, lifted his arms to allow me to pull off his shirt. Then, kneeling upright on the bed, I removed his pants and underwear. For once, he was nude first, exposed to me while I was still dressed. While his domination games made my blood pound hot through my body, I liked this change. I liked seeing him like this. He wanted me. His flushed skin, tense muscles and erection told me that.