“No,” I gasped, standing up far too quickly. The room spun. Thunder shook the windows, further disorienting me. I stumbled against the end table with the lamp. The room swayed in the movement of the light. I was going to be sick.
“Izzy, it's going to be okay.” Doc's voice was distant, but somehow his hands were on my shoulders. I didn't want his comfort. I wanted to rage and scream and cry. It wasn't fair. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. Everything had been perfect this morning, and now it wasn't.
Noah. He was still perfect. Things were better when I was with him. I knew he couldn't fix this, but I needed him. I needed him to hold me and lie and say that things would work out better in the end.
I shook off Doc's hands, twisting away from him and banging my thigh against the table. It was going to leave a bruise, but the pain felt far away.
“No, no, no...” I chanted, weaving my way out of the living room and into the kitchen. Doc was just a couple of steps behind me.
“Izzy,” Doc called, grabbing my arm and spinning me to face him before I ran out into the storm alone. “Where are you going?”
“Noah.”
Doc let me go and nodded. “Be safe.”
I ran from the kitchen, slamming the door behind me. Wind whipped at my hair and sand bit my skin, but I didn't care. I almost wished it stung more so I could forget the sick sensation in the pit of my stomach. I ran from the house, my feet pounding on the cement as I headed for Noah's place.
There was too much and not enough in my mind. The Grove was going to be destroyed. I was sliding out of control and had no brakes to stop me. Months of planning, fund-raising, meetings, and hoping were for nothing. Everything I had worked for, everything Doc had worked for, was going to disappear into a monstrosity of a hotel.
The storm hit the coast with a hiss. Gray sheets of rain cascaded against the sand as it made land. I didn't care. I kept running down the path until I hit the Grove.
I stood in the pouring rain, staring at the tangle of wood and brackish water. It would never be considered classically beautiful. It wasn't what people expected of a tropical island paradise. But it had been my passion. I had seen myself in that Grove.
Logically, I knew I would recover. This wasn't the end of my career, but for this moment, this second in time, it was a knife in my heart. I ran past the Grove, the sobs heaving in my chest. It was all going to go away. The green and brown murky depths would no longer stand guard over the fledgling fish and sharks. The birds would have to find somewhere else to live. It felt so wrong that something so important to the local wildlife could disappear so easily. I would have to find somewhere else to chase my dreams.
The only problem was, I didn't want to find somewhere else. I had already become attached to those gangly trees. I had planned my future around them, and now it was changing. I didn't have a good plan for this. I had been too hopeful, too optimistic that we would be successful.
I couldn't see anymore. I stopped to wipe my eyes, unsure if it was rain or tears obscuring my vision. There was only one person who could make me feel better. If I could just get to him, then I could forget about it all for a little bit. Tomorrow, when the sun was out and the sea was calm, I could tackle this. I wouldn't be so raw with emotion and loss. I could handle this tomorrow if I had Noah tonight.
I started running again, the world a smear of gray rain across gray sand and ocean. The green of the Grove had ended. Another pang hit me. Our sandcastle was gone.
I could see it crumbling under the incessant pounding of rain, melting back into the beach. It was no longer beautiful. It was ruined. Destroyed. The fact that it too was going away broke my heart. Nothing gold can stay...
I picked up my feet and started to run again, needing to find a release from the pain.
Chapter 18
I ran hard all the way to Noah's door. His window was open despite the storm, and I could hear his rich laugh from inside followed by the higher birdsong of Beth's. The rain had eased up slightly, but the world was still painted in shades of gray. Night was coming. With ragged breaths, I pounded my fist on the door and waited.
He opened the door, a smile on his face. His suit jacket was off, and his white dress shirt was open at the throat, the tie undone and resting on his shoulders.
“Shit, Izzy,” he exclaimed, concern quickly replacing the smile. “Are you okay? What's happened? What's wrong?”
He stepped out of the doorway and into the rain, his hands going to my shoulders. They were almost hot against my skin after the cool of the rain. Raindrops fell on his white shirt, plastering it to his skin and making the fabric translucent. His eyes were blue oceans of caring, taking me in and letting me lose myself.
“They sold it...” I sobbed, the words coming out in a jumble of syllables and sounds. I wasn't even sure if they even sounded like words. “It's gone... and...”
Noah wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in to him. “Shh,” he whispered, stroking my wet hair. “I'm here.”
I buried my face in his shoulder. His shirt was now soaking wet, from both the rain and holding a sopping girl in his arms. He didn't seem to care. I sobbed into the fabric of his shirt, finding strength in his embrace. In his arms, I was safe and warm. The storm couldn't touch me here. The world couldn't destroy this.
“I'll be back in the morning,” Beth said quietly, slipping past Noah and out into the rain. Her face held only sympathy. Noah gave her a nod as she hurried to the main house. He held me close and squeezed me tightly.
“Come inside,” Noah urged gently. He brought his hand to my face and wiped my cheek with his palm. “Let's get you out of the rain.”
I nodded meekly, letting him guide me into the house. He closed the door behind me, and I stared at the floor. I was dripping all over. The rain was quieter now, making a soothing sound on the roof. I hugged my arms around me and looked up. There was an open bottle of champagne on the table. Noah and Beth had been celebrating something.
“I'm sorry,” I whispered, staring at the bottle. Noah followed my gaze and then put his forefinger under my chin, his eyes soft and kind as he looked at me. “You have work. I can go...”
“No,” he said firmly with a shake of his head. “My work is done for the day. It was actually a good work day for me.”
I smiled weakly. “At least it was good for one of us.”
He wrapped his arms around me again, giving me strength. He was so warm I didn't want to let go of him. Ever.
“If today wasn't good for you, then it wasn't good for me either.” He released his hold on me, still keeping physical contact as he turned me toward the bathroom. I was eternally grateful he hadn't asked for more information yet. I wasn't ready to say the words out loud to someone. Maybe if I didn't explain to him that the Grove had been sold, it wouldn't be real. He took my hand in his. “Let's get you dried off.”