The smile on Suave’s face disappeared and she drew her hands in and laid them on her lap. Silken knew what that meant. Her sister was prepared to wait patiently for an explanation. She would not be the one to ask.
Silken would not – could not – hold it in. “Why not? We came all this way to see you and you can’t stay? You’re the one who chose this date and time.”
Under the table, Suave bumped her knee against Silken’s leg. Too late, though. Silken had already spoken her mind and now the ball was in Meredith's court.
“I know,” she said, and Silken thought she detected a hint of regret in her voice. “Maybe I shouldn’t have.”
This time Silken didn’t bother to hide her frown. “Shouldn’t have what? Come?”
Meredith didn’t answer. She dropped her eyes then glanced away, looking like she’d rather be anywhere but there. The knuckles clutching her purse were white. “I told Mr. Banner it wasn’t a good idea but he told me how much you both wanted this.” She drew in a trembling breath. “This is very hard for me,” she said then she shook her head and bit down on her bottom lip. “I told him just this once, just to make you understand.”
Silken glanced over at Suave and the sadness in her eyes told her that her sister, too, had picked up on those significant words their mother had spoken. Just this once…which meant that after today they’d probably never see her again.
“I never wanted you to find me,” Meredith blurted out. “I wanted to put that part of my life behind me. Forever.”
Silken felt the ice-cold knife of rejection slice through her heart. There would be no happy reunion today because Meredith did not want them.
“Why?" she asked as she stared in confusion at the woman who sat across from them, their own flesh and blood, and yet a stranger. “Why would you hate us?”
Meredith looked up, her eyes wide with surprise. “I don’t hate you. But I don’t…I can’t…have you in my life.” She dropped her eyes again and shook her head. “I just can’t.”
“Why not?” It was Suave’s voice that now rose up, strident and filled with pain.
“Try to understand. I can’t afford for this to get out.” Meredith's voice was low now, and she leaned closer across the table as if to prevent anyone from overhearing a word of their conversation. “That’s why I asked you to meet me here and not in Baraboo. I’m a pastor’s wife, First Lady of our church. This must never get out.”
She drew in a deep breath then for the first time since she'd walked in the door she released her grasp on her purse and laid it on the table. She clasped her hands in front of her, looking like she was about to say a word of prayer. “I was seventeen when it happened. I don’t know how I could have been so stupid.”
Silken held her breath, waiting for Meredith to say it but she didn’t. Finally she blurted it out. “What happened? Were you raped?” It was awful to even think it but she had to know.
“No, not that.” Eyes wide, as if surprised Silken would even suggest it, she shook her head. “I was in love. Just…with the wrong man.” Then her lips took on a bitter twist. “He was married. He told me how much he loved me, that his marriage was in shambles and he’d be leaving his wife soon.” She laughed and it was a sad, hollow sound. “It never happened. It turns out that was just a lie to get me to sleep with him. And when he found out I was pregnant he laid the blame squarely at my feet. That’s the woman’s responsibility, he said, to make sure things like this never happen.” Meredith looked up at them and the pain in her eyes was still raw. “I was only seventeen. A child!”
She paused and looked away as if she’d gone back to that time, back to that world. Then, slowly, her eyes refocused. “I grew up dirt poor. There was no way I could raise two children on my own. And Emmett," she shook her head, “he wanted nothing to do with me after that. That was when I found out what scum he was.” She shrugged but her lips were tight. “Soon, I was on my own and big as a house. My mother had been dead a year. I did the only thing I could do. I went to live with the nuns, had the babies, then moved on with my life.”
“That must have been so hard.”
At Suave’s words Silken turned to glare at her. She was actually being sympathetic when the woman had given them away and not looked back. Typical Suave.
“Then God blessed me.” For the first time since she’d started speaking, a light shone in Meredith eyes. “A few months after I went back to Baraboo I attended a camp meeting led by a wonderful young pastor. The first time I saw him there on that pulpit, I fell in love.”
Silken almost rolled her eyes but this time she exercised self-control. Meredith was probably talking about her husband.
“Pastor Albright,” she said, her face glowing. “I went to every one of those meetings and I was among the first ones to be baptized. And then,” her voice became hushed, “the pastor asked to see me privately and that was when he told me he had taken a special interest in me and would like to invite me to have dinner with him. We were married five months later.” Her story over, she looked at Suave and Silken with earnest eyes. “So you see, I couldn’t possibly have you in my life. I moved on, made a new life for myself. That part of me doesn’t exist anymore.”
“So your husband, he doesn’t know about us?” Suave’s voice was faint.
Meredith gasped. “How could he? When we married he thought I was a virgin.” Her face reddened as she realized what she’d said. She frowned but then she spoke again. “He was a virgin when we married so he didn't have experience in such things. I decided never to let him know any different.” Then she sat back and grasped her purse and hugged it to her stomach. “Now do you see why I can’t have you in my life? Jeremy would be devastated. He’d know I lied. And my family, my kids, how could I do that to them?”