He slowly rises to his full height, his face falling into his signature impassiveness, and busies himself by pulling at his jacket sleeves before straightening his tie. I’m shifting on my feet, searching my brain for something to redeem myself. There’s nothing. I can’t take that back. ‘I’m sorry.’ I drop my head in shame, resisting the urge to toss the book into the fire.
‘You’re forgiven,’ he retorts with zero genuineness, striding past me.
‘Miller, please!’ I reach out to grab his arm, but he dodges me, stealthily removing himself from my reach. ‘Miller.’
He swings around, physically knocking me back when his fierce eyes land on me. His jaw is pulsing, his chest expanding fast. I wilt under every hard-cut plane of his face and telling sign of his current state of mind. He points directly at me. ‘Never throw that in my face again,’ he warns, beginning to shake before me. ‘Never! Do you hear me?’ He storms out, slamming the door behind him, leaving me immobilised by his raw fury. It’s never before been directed solely on me with such intensity. He looked like he could smash something to pieces, and while I’d put my life on him never laying a finger on me, I fear for anyone else who may cross his path right now.
‘Fuck!’ I hear him curse, and then his stamping shoes get closer again. I remain where I am, silent and still, until he’s bursting through the door of the lounge. That finger is pointed at me again, and he’s shaking more than before. ‘You’ll stay here. Understand?’
I don’t know what happens. Something triggers under his order and I find myself up in his face before I can weigh up the pros and cons of retaliation. I knock his hand out of the way. ‘Don’t tell me what to do!’
‘Don’t push me, Olivia.’
It doesn’t matter that I don’t plan on going anywhere and leaving Nan alone. This is principle. ‘Fuck off!’
He clenches his teeth. ‘Stop being so fucking difficult! You’ll stay here!’
I see red, then blurt something that surprises me as much as it clearly surprises Miller. ‘Did you know?’
Miller’s neck retracts on his shoulders, a scowl settling. ‘What?’
‘Did you know she was back?’ I shout, thinking how well he handled the situation. There was no shock. He fell straight into comfort mode, like he was prepared for it. ‘When I thought I was losing my mind and you talked me down, did you know?’
‘No.’ He’s adamant, but I don’t believe him. He’ll do anything to lessen my hurt. No one’s speaking. Ted’s shirked me, William has avoided me at all costs until now – now that I know for sure – and Miller virtually threw the phone off his desk to cut the call when Gracie’s name was mentioned. And then I’m thinking about the call from Sylvie, the one telling me about the woman looking for me. Her description. It matches Sophia perfectly, but it also matches my mother. Clarity is a wonderful thing.
Blood burns in my veins. ‘You told William to keep it from me, didn’t you?’
‘Yes, I fucking did!’ he yells, startling me. ‘And I’m not fucking sorry!’ Firm palms cup my face, almost aggressively, and squeeze tightly, his nose meeting mine, his eyes penetrating me deeply. ‘I. Didn’t. Know. What. To. Do.’
I can’t speak; his grip won’t allow my mouth to open. So I nod, feeling emotion take hold – all of the stress, worry, and fear ripping through my vulnerable being. He was trying to shield me from more hurt.
‘Don’t leave.’ He scans my face, his gaze drifting everywhere, and though it’s an order, I know he wants my acknowledgement. I nod again. ‘Good,’ he says simply, then smashes his lips onto mine and gives me a forceful kiss.
When he releases me, I step back and blink myself back to life, just catching his back disappearing out of the room.
The door closes loudly.
Then I cry like a baby, trying to suppress the sound so I don’t wake Nan. It’s silly; if she was to wake up, then she would have by now after that brief shouting match and the slamming of a few doors. My pathetic choked sobs won’t rouse her.
‘Everything OK, Miss Taylor?’
I look up, seeing Ted in the doorway of the lounge. ‘Fine.’ I rub at my eyes. ‘Tired, that’s all.’
‘Understandable,’ he says softly, making me smile a little.
‘You knew she was back, too, didn’t you?’
He nods, dropping his eyes. ‘Not my news to share, sweetheart.’
‘So you did know her.’
‘Everyone knew Gracie Taylor.’ He smiles, keeping his eyes on the floor, like he’s scared I might press for more should he give me eye contact. I’m not going to. I don’t want to know.
‘You’d better take up position.’ I indicate over my shoulder when he looks up at me, his rugged face a little surprised. ‘I’m sorry for going AWOL again.’
He chuckles. ‘You’re safe. That’s the main thing.’ He strides across the room and finds his position at the window, and I observe for a while, remembering his skilful driving.
It pushes me to press him. ‘Have you always worked for William?’
‘Twenty-five years.’
‘What did you do before?’
‘Military.’
‘You were a soldier?’
He doesn’t answer, just nods, telling me he’s done talking with me, so I leave Ted and drag my weary bones up the stairs to the bathroom, hoping a hot shower will soothe my aching mind and heart while it’s soothing my aching muscles. The different elements of pressure on each of us are becoming too much, both of us trying to shoulder everything. We’re going to give way under the strain soon.