"Mommy!!" Maddie scolded.
"I don't know why you are surprised. You know what I'm like around tiramisu. You should have warned him," she countered, taking another bite.
It’s the most ridiculous thing I’d ever seen. It was also incredibly hot. I suddenly wanted to take a huge dollop of that espresso custard and smear it between her cle**age and lick it clean.
Adjusting in my seat, I turned to Maddie and asked, "All right, princess, what do you want for dessert? I didn't realize your mother gets hostile around Italian desserts," I teased.
"Ice cream!" Maddie cheered.
I grabbed the waiter as he walked by and ordered ice cream and more tiramisu. By the time the additional desserts arrived, Clare’s tiramisu was history.
"So Maddie, your Mom told some embarrassing stuff about you. Why don't you tell me something about your Mom?" I instructed. I realized I could be digging myself a very large hole, but it was too late now.
"Oh! Okay! Um, she likes to dance, especially with me. She turns up the music real loud, and we dance all over the house. I don't think most Mommies do that, because it's really silly," she stated proudly.
I looked over at Clare, who didn’t look embarrassed in the least. She just grinned before reached toward Maddie, touched her pointer finger to Maddie's nose and gave her a quick wink.
"Well, silly moms are the best. Or so I've been told," I assured her, never taking my eyes off of Clare. The more I learned about her, the more in awe I became. And the less I thought I’d be able to stay away. I was captivated now. How did she do it? Stay so strong? I had been through a lot of shit in my life, and look at me...I was pathetic. She'd been to hell and back, and she was dancing around the house with a four-year old.
As I’m staring at her, I realized her gaze is fixed on something entirely different.
"Oh, just give in already," I insisted, handing her a fork.
"Yes!" she bellowed, diving into my dessert. I ordered it for her anyway. This woman really loved sweets.
When dinner was finished and paid for, we left for the ballet. Maddie was about to burst with excitement by the time we made it to our seats.
The ballet was in a completely restored theater that dated back to 1920s. Its Art Deco elegance is something you don’t see anymore, and as I watched Clare run her delicate fingers up and down the velvet seats, I knew she agreed. Her eyes danced around the room, taking it all in.
"Logan, these seats are amazing. I hope you didn't go to too much trouble."
Looking at Maddie as she bounced up and down in her teal dress, I was pretty sure I would have done just about anything to see that look on her face. Knowing this little fact should have freaked me out. Two weeks ago, I would never have done something like this, but these two women were changing me. I just hope I don’t hurt them in the process.
"No, it was no trouble. It was my pleasure.”
Maddie's first ballet was a total success. I held her to my side as she clapped for the dancers during the standing ovation. She loved every minute. All that excitement rushed out of her quickly though, and she fell asleep in my arms about halfway to the car. Clare and I were silent as we walked to the parking garage. I could see her occasionally glance over, looking at Maddie in my arms. There was something there, in her eyes. She was thinking, analyzing or maybe realizing something because she turned away quickly when she met my gaze.
Working in the ER, I had my fair share of encounters with children, and not all of them have been good or had happy endings. Despite the fact that I had become a complete ass**le in my personal life, I still maintained a good bedside manner with my patients, especially children. I did feel for them and their families. What I felt for Maddie was something different, though. I wanted to protect her, hold her, and never let her go. It was fierce, raw and real. When she was in my arms, it felt natural to me. When I was with Clare and Maddie, I felt like I was home, or at least what I thought a home should feel like. It was selfish of me to get involved. I should run, leave them in peace to enjoy their lives without being dragged into my shit. But I couldn’t stop myself. It was like the calm you felt from a drug, and I was an addict unable to turn away.
We arrived at the car and I helped Clare buckle a sleeping Maddie into the car seat. I opened the door for Clare, waiting for her to get situated before going around to the driver’s side. The silence between us was deafening.
"You're quiet. Are you all right?"
"Yes. No. I don't know," she admitted.
"I know we haven't known each other very long, but remember...no bullshit? You can be honest with me," I gently reminded her.
She took a deep ragged breath, letting it release slowly from her lungs.
"Seeing her in your arms creates so many emotions in me. Warmth, pride, guilt," she began before briefly pausing to collect her thoughts.
"He's never going to be here to take her to a ballet, or pick her up from school. He won't walk her down the aisle or see her children. These are all things I know, and have known. And I'd made peace with that."
"I've upset you. I --" I began to say.
"No, you did nothing wrong. She adores you. You're the first man she's been comfortable around since Ethan. I knew from the day Ethan died that I would most likely be a single parent for the rest of my life, and I mourned all those things that Ethan would miss in her life. I guess I just realized, seeing her with you, how much she will miss in her life by not having a father. It’s so stupid, but I hadn’t seen it the other way around until now.”
I reached across the small space in the car that separated us and grabbed her hand. Up until this moment, we hadn’t touched since that moment in the ER. Her hand felt soft in mine, delicate. She turned her hand beneath mine, weaving our fingers together.
I snuck a glance down at our joined hands, before turning onto her street.
"And what about you? What are you missing?" I whispered, knowing I was stepping onto new ground.
"I don't really know. I hadn't thought about it at all. Until recently."
We reached her house and I pulled the car into the driveway. I killed the engine but didn’t make a move to exit. Instead, I turned toward her and just admired the woman in front of me. The words she’d just said still clung in the air, and my body ached to lean forward and kiss her, claiming her as my own.
Her eyes locked with mine and I could see them wide with anticipation and just a hint of nervousness. The deep green seared into mine before traveling down to my lips. I nearly groaned with the need to touch her. Raising my hand, I gently traced my fingers down the side of her face, feeling her soft skin under mine. Her breath caught and her eyes fluttered closed. Wrapping my hand around the back of her neck, I pulled her closer to me so that our lips were mere inches apart.