“What do you think, baby?” I asked, taking the coward's way out by not answering.
“I think Daddy would be happy Logan’s here. He makes everything better.”
I was stunned. Leave it to a child to take something that seemed so complicated and involved and reduce it to two sentences.
Plain and simple.
Logan did make everything better. Of course Ethan would be happy me, for that very reason alone. My daughter was a genius.
As I continued to play with her hair, contemplating my newest epiphany, our doorbell rang. Sliding myself out from under Maddie’s sprawled out body, I ran to the door wondering what type of cookie or popcorn tin I was going to be talked into now.
“Logan?” I cried, completely shocked as I opened the door.
His arms were full of grocery bags, boxes of pizza and two bouquets of flowers.
“I missed my girls,” he said with a shrug.
Seeing him there, I couldn’t help myself. I launched myself toward his arms, completely overcome by emotions. Forgetting that he was carrying about fifty pounds of groceries and take-out, I was stopped short by the many obstacles separating us. Laughing as he noticed my frustration, he dropped the bags he was carrying and grabbed me around the waist, pulling me tight.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Like I said, I missed you, and I had to see Maddie. The thought of her not feeling well was killing me,” he admitted.
“I would think you’d be used to that by now Dr. Matthews,” I teased.
Leaning his forehead against mine, he said, “I know, but Maddie’s different. I can’t be clinical with her.”
Of course he couldn’t. He loved her. He loved us both. The words hadn’t been said, but I felt them. I could see the love he had for Maddie every time he picked her up, cradling her like she was the most precious thing in the world. I knew he loved me every time he looked at me, and every time we made love, branding me as his own. But the word “love” wasn’t something he said before, and I knew for a man who believed he was essentially broken, it would take time.
“Come on, let’s go inside so I can check on my patient,” he suggested before placing a kiss on my cheek.
I helped him with the bags that are strewn on the front stoop, giving myself a little peek to see what goodies he had brought. I saw boxes of Kleenex, Tylenol, movies, and popcorn.
“Hey, is there any chocolate in here?” I asked as we made our way inside.
“Of course. Do you think I’d show up without chocolate?” The man was well trained.
Maddie saw us round the corner into the family room, on our way to the kitchen, and yelled “Logan!” mustering up as much excitement as she could from the couch.
“Hey princess, how ya feeling?” he asked, dropping his bags on the counter and moving toward Maddie.
“My tummy hurts,” she complained. She really did sound pitiful.
“Well we can’t have that, can we?” Logan said.
I pulled down some plates and absently watched him with Maddie as he looked at her throat and felt her tummy, causing her to softly giggle. He finished up his mini exam, covering her with a blanket and returning to the kitchen.
“Well, I don’t think I discovered anything more than you did. It’s probably a stomach bug. We just need to get her to drink water and maybe chew on some crackers,” he said, sounding very doctor-ish. It was kind of hot. He just needed a pair of scrubs.
I helped him unpack the groceries, touched by his thoughtfulness, when I notice the Band-Aid at the crook of his arm.
“What’s this?” I asked, grabbing his arm so I could have a closer inspection.
“Oh, nothing. Had to get blood work,” he said dismissively.
The blood drained from my face, and I felt weak. He said it was nothing, right? So I should have calmed down, but I couldn’t. Visions of blood tests and chemo flashed through my memory and I struggled to stay upright.
“Whoa there...Babe, you okay?” his voice filled with concern.
I nodded absently, but he didn’t believe me for a second, grabbing my hand to sit me down at the kitchen table. Kneeling down on the tiled floor, he took my hand in his, gently rubbing with his thumb.
“Hey, look at me,” he urged gently as my eyes slowly locked with his.
“I had a physical. Just standard blood tests. I’m not going anywhere, Clare. Okay?”
I nodded again, letting a tear escape down my cheek. I was being ridiculous. But the thought of losing him, going through that again. I didn’t think I could do it.
He pulled me into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around my back, enveloping me in warmth.
“Even doctors have to visit the doctor’s office every once in a while,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. It seemed to work, because I fired back with, “Oh yeah, you can’t give yourself a physical? I’m pretty sure you could do that ‘turn and cough’ thing pretty well solo.”
He laughed against my ear as we stood and headed back to the kitchen. He was fine and everything was going to be okay, I assured myself.
We got our pizza, which wasn’t nearly as good as the pizza Logan had made, and joined Maddie in the family room. Thankfully, I was able to talk her out of more Dora, and we watched a Disney movie instead. Cuddled up on the couch together, with Maddie resting between us, I could see it.
The three of us, like this, forever.
But it was a conversation we had never had. He said I was his and he would always be here, but was he ready to be a father? I knew he loved Maddie, but becoming a father to her was different. Could I ask that of him? I knew what I wanted, and it was him. I could only hope he wanted us, and everything that came with us.
Maddie fell asleep and Logan helped carry her upstairs to her room. We both tucked her in, giving her kisses goodnight. Logan began to head back for the stairs, and I grabbed his hand, stopping him.
“Stay. Please, Logan.”
“Always,” he vowed, before following me to the bedroom.
I shut the door, locking it, making sure I heard the click before I turned. Giving myself a few moments to stand there, I admired the man before me. Sometimes I couldn’t help but stare. He was like a magnet pulling me in, and I was helpless to stop. He was the perfect combination of pure sin and superhero, and I wanted all of him.
Right now.
“Clare, you’ve got to stop looking at me like that,” he groaned.
“Why?” I asked, letting my hips sway as I sauntered toward him. Finally reaching my object of desire, I reached out, running my hands up and down the blue t-shirt that covered his perfectly formed chest.