He stood silently staring at me for a long time before he finally said, "No. That's not it."
"More evasive answers that say nothing! That's what I get after everything we've done together?" I screamed as tears began streaming down over my cheeks.
My outburst made him cringe, and I saw in his eyes my words had affected him. In a low, almost sad voice, he said, "I told you, Nina. I can give you everything your heart desires, but I can only do it this way."
I watched him walk away and knew I had no answer for that. I'd thought that we were getting closer and he'd begun to open up, but all that was just my imagination. We were the same as we'd been since that first night he showed up in my life.
Tristan Stone and Nina Edwards. Two souls worlds apart, no matter if we lived in the same house or not.
Chapter Eleven
I marched up the stairs to the attic, needing to speak to someone from the life I'd left behind. The black phone sat on a wooden box hidden away in the corner, right where I'd left it, just waiting for me to reach out and touch someone. I slowly dialed Jordan's number and put the receiver up to my ear. It rang four times and then I heard her say, "Hey, this is Jordan. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you A.S.A.P."
My disappointment kept me silent for a few seconds and then I mumbled, "Hey, it's me. Nina. I'd say call me back, but I don't know the number and I don't even know if I should be using this phone. I'm still out at Tristan's house and just wanted to talk to someone. I hope everything's okay."
I put the phone down and slumped on the floor, pressing my back up against the wood slat wall. Sadness settled into me as I replayed the conversation Tristan and I had, and I wanted to cry but there weren't any tears. All I felt was a heaviness in my chest, like someone was pressing down on me trying to crush me.
What was I to him? That was what was crushing me. He treated me like a girlfriend, yet I was never to be seen. But I was his employee too, a fact that he seemed to impress upon me always at times when it hurt the most. I existed in some limbo between being someone he was willing to show off to the world and someone who was merely there to do his bidding.
As I sat there with the hard wall pushing against my back and my hurt feelings pressing down on my heart, a sense of regret slowly spread over me. I'd been such a fool! No matter what Jordan believed, good things didn't always happen to good people. That was even assuming I was good. I'd accepted Tristan's offer hoping for more than a job, but that's all the contract had promised. What did that make me? He'd never promised anything in that contract other than all that he'd already given me. I was being paid to do a job. The hope of something more was never part of the deal.
But hadn't he promised in every kiss and every time he'd made love to me that something more was what he wanted too?
Never before had a man tangled my emotions in such knots. When he touched me with those hands so strong yet so tender, he made me feel like I was the most important thing in the world to him. When he was inside me, moaning my name as he clung to me and his body shook from the feelings I created in him, his every word and movement said he cared.
Fuck! How had I let this happen to me? I wasn't some pathetic little schoolgirl who had no idea how things worked. I knew how men were and what they wanted. I may not be supermodel gorgeous, but I'd been with other men and knew the ways of the world. How had I fallen so quickly for Tristan and not seen what was really happening?
The problem was I didn't know what was really happening. To me, not showing me off as his girlfriend was a huge sign he didn't care, but in every other part of our relationship it was clear he felt something for me. What that was I didn't know, but I wasn't sure what I felt either, so I couldn't fault him for that. We'd moved fast since the beginning, so being unsure was fine.
Being ashamed of being seen with me at his parties and events wasn't fine.
The phone ringing jolted me out of my thoughts, and I scrambled to answer it before anyone heard the noise downstairs. Pressing the heavy receiver to my ear, I whispered, "Hello?" and held my breath as the line stayed silent.
"Hello? Is anyone there?"
"Nina? Are you okay? It's Jordan."
I sighed my relief and my heart began its normal beating again. "Jordan, how did you get this number?"
"It came up on my phone. Are you okay? You sounded like something was wrong on the message. What's going on out there?"
"I don't know. I think I made a mistake."
"Why? Did something happen?" she asked, her voice full of concern.
"For the second time since I've been here, he's gone off to some event he needed to wear a tux to and didn't invite me to go. I don't know what I'm doing here or why he's ashamed to be seen with me."
"Oh, sweetie. I'm sure he's not ashamed of you. Look at you. You're beautiful and smart and he's crazy about you."
Sniffling back the first of my tears, I sobbed, "He's not crazy about me. I'll bet anything he's at whatever affair he had to go to with one of those women he takes to things like that. Tomorrow he'll be in the paper standing next to some gorgeous, rail thin supermodel."
"Honey, don't cry. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation why he doesn't take you to these things. Maybe they're boring and he doesn't want you to think he's boring."
"Jordan, I saw the picture in the paper. Did those people look like they thought that party was boring?"
She was silent for a few moments and then said, "He didn't look like he was having a good time. I remember you saying he didn't look like that with you. Oh, Nina, don't cry. It's going to be okay."
"How? How is it going to be okay? I'm contractually obligated to be around him for the next six months and even though we're sleeping together and he treats me like his girlfriend in private, he never takes me to places where other people like him will be. How is it okay that I'm basically some concubine?"
Jordan said nothing as I sobbed into the phone. What could she say? I was crying over something I couldn't have and she couldn't give it to me or help me get it.
"I feel so stupid, Jordan. I know it's only been a short time, but I can't help the way I feel. Why is this happening to me?"
Quietly, she said what I already knew. "Because you're trusting and good, Nina, and you think other people are the same. It's that small town upbringing in you."
"So I'm destined to be a fool for the rest of my life."
"Honey, I don't think you're foolish for caring for someone. And I'm not sure he doesn't care for you either. I don't know why he doesn't take you around those upper crusts he hangs out with, but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Not every guy makes a point to find a girl's best friend and ask her about your favorite foods. I bet he picked one of those and had that for you that first night, didn't he?"