"Nothing," he answered quietly and walked out of the shower. His tone told me that was his only word on the subject, so I let it go, hoping that when he needed to tell me, he would.
After I'd washed up, I found him sitting in bed, just staring toward the wall at the picture I'd painted for him. He seemed to be looking right through it.
I crawled into bed and lay there wondering what to say. Instead of speaking, I let my actions say what was in my heart and curled up next to him. Drawing little circles on the hard ridges of muscle just above his hip, I waited to hear any words come out of his mouth, but as the minutes ticked by, there was nothing. Finally, I closed my eyes, content and safe in his strong embrace but so wishing to know what he was thinking.
His words came out like a whoosh of air from his lungs. "Don't leave me like everyone else has. I'll do whatever it takes, but don't leave me, even if I screw this up."
I knew as soon as the first word left his lips that this had been what was on his mind. Work had been bad recently, but this was what had been plaguing his thoughts. That I'd leave him.
Lifting my head from his chest, I looked up and saw the torment in his face, just as I'd heard it in his voice. At that moment, all I wanted to do was make him happy.
"I'm not leaving you. Is that what that back there was all about? Me leaving?"
"Yes." His voice was a mixture of fear and shame.
"Why would I leave someone who adores me?" I asked, hoping to calm his fears. "I've never even thought of going anywhere. If anyone should be afraid, it's me. You made me sign a contract, which is up in just a few weeks, and you seem to have given me enough money to ensure when you break up with me that I'll be fine."
"I gave you that money to show you how much more you're worth than the salary I offered. I'd hoped you'd see that."
"All I saw was that you were throwing a lot of money at me and never mentioning anything about what was going to happen when the six months was up."
"So you think I'm going to leave you then?" he asked wide-eyed.
As I laid there listening to him, my fears sounded foolish. "I guess that sounds silly, but I did. Jordan tried to convince me that I was all wrong, but you've been so distant sometimes recently that I didn't know." I stopped talking and looked down, sheepishly adding, "And all that money."
Tristan pushed the hair out of my eyes. "I wasn't throwing anything at you. I have enough money to last for five lifetimes. What good is it if I can't share it with someone I love?"
I heard the loneliness in his words. Without his brother and parents, there was no one to share his money with, except me. But what about the contract?
"I notice you're not saying anything about what happens after the contract."
"What do you want to happen?"
I knew what I wanted. I wanted him to tell me he loved me without any need of some paper that said I was obligated to be with him. I wanted him to show me that his feelings had nothing to do with a contract or money.
"Tell me, Nina. What do you want?"
"It's not fair answering a question with a question," I said, sidestepping the issue.
"You didn't ask a question, so my question doesn't answer anything."
No kidding.
My potential answers receded into the corners of my mind, each one afraid to step forward and show itself. How was I supposed to tell him that even though he hadn't really told me what he wanted after our contract ended, I wanted what every woman in love wanted?
A husband who loved me. A beautiful life. Maybe kids down the road.
"You know I hate when you do that."
"Do what?" he said with a hint of a smile.
"Whatever this is. I always feel like I'm being talked into a corner."
"All you have to do is answer the question, Nina. What do you want?"
All my answers found great hiding places, except for the smart ass ones, which raced toward my mouth. "You know. What everyone wants. World peace. Cheaper prices at the pump."
He cocked an eyebrow at me and grinned. "Funny."
Climbing up his body, I kissed the tip of his nose. "Well, you put me on the spot. Maybe if you gave me some time, I could come up with something better."
He lifted my chin with his fingertips and gave me that sexy look that never failed to make me melt. "More time it is. I want your answer by five tomorrow afternoon. You can tell me what you want right after you show me your choices for Miami. For now, I think you need some rest. You've had a rough day."
Turning me over onto my back, he kissed me goodnight, told me he loved me, and laid down to sleep, leaving me with a deadline of less than twenty-four hours to figure out how to say all the things in my heart.
Piece of cake. Right.
Chapter Twenty
As the first rays of the sun streamed into our room, I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and reached for Tristan. I wasn't surprised he was already gone, as it was his usual style, but the envelope on his pillow unnerved me a little. I had hoped to have the day to rummage around my own brain to find a way to tell Tristan what I really wanted, but his letter meant he too would be joining me in my head.
If I didn't know better, I would have sworn he'd left a letter to make sure of that.
I turned the envelope over in my palm and then held it up in front of me to see if I could read what he'd said. Nope. I had to open it, which for some reason filled me with dread. It was just like that first morning I'd woken up and nervously spied his note on the chair.
There was no time like the present.
I slid the letter out of the envelope and unfolded it. My eyes focused on the words as I read them aloud.
Dear Nina,
I missed having our date last night, so after you show me your choices for Miami and answer my question, we'll go to Tony's for pizza. I'm looking forward to it. Love,