“There’s just...some stuff I need to get done.”
“What stuff?”
“There’s...this job application that I’m thinking of submitting,” I tell her, vaguely, “I was maybe going to work on it tonight.”
“You’d rather work on a job application than come have an amazing, balls-tripping time with me?” she pouts theatrically.
“It’s kind of a crazy offer,” I go on, “Like, once-in-a-lifetime crazy.”
“Really?” she asks, her curiosity piqued, “What is it?”
“I...don’t want to tell you,” I stall, “It might just be a hoax. You’re going to think it’s dumb or—”
“OK, now you have to tell me,” she says, plopping down on the sofa.
“I’m honestly not even sure if I should apply—” I begin.
“Is this it?” she asks, looking at the still-open tab on my laptop screen.
“Um...”
“It is!” she squeals, pulling the computer into her lap.
“Wait—” I say, lunging toward her, “Don’t—”
But she’s already reading through the bizarre ad in its entirety, her eyebrows raised in incredulous surprise the whole time. I watch her process the oddly specific, borderline crazy qualifications. I knew it. She’s going to tell me this is a waste of time, that I need a serious reality check if I think this is legit.
“Kassenia Bennett,” Kelly says, swinging her green eyes up to mine, “If you don’t apply for this internship, I’m never going to speak to you again.”
“Seriously?” I laugh, oddly relieved by her response.
“Absolutely,” she says, “You’re exactly what this person is looking for.”
“Don’t you think it sounds a little bit sketchy?” I ask her.
“Oh, it sounds incredibly sketchy,” she says, “But are you really going to let that stop you? Sometimes the sketchiest things are also the most exciting. ”
“I don’t know,” I press, “What if that ad was just posted by some pervert looking to lure women to his sex dungeon?”
“Well...What’s your opinion about sex dungeons?”
“Be serious!” I urge her, kneeling in front of the couch.
“OK, OK,” she says, “Look. I’m not saying you have to go meet this person in a dark alley. But you should absolutely send an email. All it’s asking for is a business plan and a photo. There’s no risk to you whatsoever. And if by some crazy miracle this turns out to be legit, you’d have all the money you needed for your startup.”
“I know,” I gush excitedly, “Not to mention a summer in Vegas!”
“Maybe this employer is some super chic feminist business mogul, looking to help out an industrious young woman?” Kelly suggests.
“A feminist business mogul with a thing for Eastern-European women?” I ask.
“Hey, it takes all types,” she shrugs. “Maybe she's Ukrainian or something and wants to pay it forward.”
“OK...” I say slowly, “OK...I’m gonna do it.”
“Hell yes!” Kelly exclaims, jumping up from the couch, “You write your application, I’ll pour us a couple of drinks and stick around as your editor.”
“By editor, you mean drinking buddy, right?”
“Obviously.”
“I thought you wanted to go out?” I ask her.
“Oh, we’re still going out. But not until you send this mysterious benefactor an email.”
“Sometimes, I’m convinced that you’re actually my fairy godmother,” I tell her, setting my computer down on the coffee table.
“How do you know I’m not?” she winks, and skips into the kitchen for a couple glasses of whiskey.
I take a deep breath and open up a new email message, addressed to this anonymous employer. Here goes nothing, I guess. But what do I lead with? “To whom it may concern”? “What’s up”? “Are you a weird pervert stalker”? Or simply...
Hello,
“That’ll work,” I mutter.
I’m writing in response to the Craigslist ad you posted earlier today, seeking a young business-minded woman for a summer internship opportunity. I would like very much to be considered, and, after reviewing your criteria, feel that I’m uniquely qualified for the position.
In a few short weeks, I’ll be graduating from UC Berkeley with my masters in computer science. While many of my classmates will be pursuing opportunities in Silicon Valley, I’m more interested in the entrepreneurial route. My goal is get my own startup off the ground, and your assistance and resources could be instrumental to making that happen.
My hope is to start my own crowdfunding website, CrowdedNest.com. While many crowdfunding platforms are geared toward younger people, specific projects, and causes, CrowdedNest.com would allow young and old users alike to accept micro-donations to finance their retirements.
So many people in this economic environment are finding themselves unable to retire well into their golden years, if at all. The pensions and benefits that past generations relied on to see them through their post-employment lives simply aren’t available anymore. I also hope to raise awareness in younger people about the importance of financial responsibility and saving for retirement early. There is still so much shame associated with accepting financial help in this country, even for our older citizens. It’s my hope that CrowdedNest.com will eliminate some of that shame, make it easier for all people to talk about money, and enable more and more to live comfortably and with dignity into old age.
At the core of the business model is the ability for any friend or family member to be able to quickly and easily setup a trust account for someone, and then make micro-donations into the account, which the person cannot access until retirement age. The money in the trust will be invested in a hedge-fund or Vanguard target retirement fund. This way, someone who is unwilling or unable to invest in their own retirement can receive assistance from friends and loved ones and not be able to withdraw the funds early.
I’m an extremely industrious person, and have maintained a 4.0 GPA throughout my entire undergraduate and graduate career. I can assure you that this opportunity would not be wasted on me. I truly believe that CrowdedNest.com would be a valuable investment for you to make not only for yourself but for the world, and I hope that you’ll consider taking me on.