“Come to find out where I was, huh? Well, you came to the right place! Come on in!”
“I’m already in. What’s going on?”
Stefan struggled to get to his feet and motioned for me to come to him. “I just wanted to have a night to myself to drink myself into a stupor. That’s all.”
“I’ve been texting you all night. Why didn’t you answer? Cassian said there was no need to worry, so I assume you answered him.”
“Come here. I want to feel you next to me, Shay. Come here.”
I walked into his open arms and felt his body sag against mine as he hugged me. “Stefan, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”
He sighed heavily and buried his face in my hair. “You feel so good, Shay. I missed you so fucking much.”
“It’s only been a few hours since we saw each other. Why didn’t you come to work?”
He pushed me away and walked toward the bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on the coffee table. Taking a gulp, he swallowed and shook his head. “I don’t want to think of that fucking place. I don’t want to think of anything but you and me right here, okay?”
“I thought something had happened. Lola nearly lost her mind worrying, although I have no idea why anyone would worry about their boss not being around if they were head bartender. You should have seen her. She—”
“I said I didn’t want to think of that place! No Club X, no bullshit about me not being there! And no fucking Lola!” he yelled so loud I stepped back, stunned at his outburst.
“Okay. I’m sorry. Maybe I should leave,” I said quietly as I went for the door, not wanting to go but unable to see how I could stay with him acting like he was.
“Shay, don’t go,” he said in a voice that sounded desperate. “Please don’t leave.”
“I don’t want to, Stefan, but I can’t be with you when you’re so volatile. I don’t know what’s going on, but I can’t help if you won’t talk to me.”
His brown eyes filled with sadness stared at me and I let my hand drop from the doorknob as he said quietly, “Nothing can help.”
I couldn’t let him stand there so sad without trying to make him feel better, so I walked over to him and took him in my arms. Looking up at him, I said, “Talk to me. Remember the truth thing between us? You can tell me anything.”
He kissed me and smiled, but I could tell it was forced. “I heard my father joke one time that I was the spare. You know, the heir and the spare? My mother gave him hell for saying it near me, but he never said he was sorry because he meant it. Cash was the one he wanted. Hell, I think he might have even wanted Kane more. He looks like my father too.”
“Don’t do this to yourself.”
“Do you know what I did? I slept with my brother’s wife. I knew it was wrong, and I did it anyway. Cash had never been happier, and I took it all away from him.”
I didn’t know what to say. He seemed intent on taking this trip down memory lane, but why?
“I’ll never forget his face when he caught us. He looked like my father standing there, but his eyes were filled with hurt. I did it in his own fucking bed too.”
“Stefan, stop. Don’t do this.”
“I’ve been a shit for so long I thought I didn’t know any other way. I bet I could get you to fall in love with me, for Christ’s sake. What kind of person does that?”
I cradled his face in my hands and kissed him so he’d stop this self-punishment. I didn’t know why he needed to beat himself up like this, but it was tearing me up to see him so broken.
“You’re not just that person, Stefan. You’re so much more, so please stop this,” I pleaded as he hung his head.
“Cash and Olivia’s engagement party is just days away. I finally have the chance to make up for the awful things I did, but I can’t without fucking everything up. I don’t know how to get out of this.”
He dropped to his knees and pressed his cheek to my stomach. His arms tightened around me like he was afraid if he let go I’d slip away. I had no idea what he meant by the things he was saying, but I wanted so much to help him get out of whatever he’d done.
I stroked his soft hair and whispered, “Whatever it is, we can get through it. Just tell me what it is and I’ll help.”
In a voice full of agony, he continued talking. “He just stood there staring for what seemed like forever. Rachel rushed to cover herself and began rambling that we hadn’t meant for it to happen, but I never said a thing. I had meant for it to happen. I wanted her and wouldn’t give up until I had her. She realized she wasn’t going to talk her way out of it, so she ran to the bathroom and slammed the door, leaving me there with him staring at me with those eyes so fucking full of pain. And betrayal. Fuck, his own brother in his bed fucking his wife. And then he finally said to me, ‘Someday, Stefan, you’ll love someone and the person you are—the fucking soulless, empty shell you are—she’ll see the truth and you won’t be enough. Your money, your looks won’t be enough. I hope I’m there to see that day.’ And then he just walked out, leaving me in his bed.”
“You’re enough, Stefan. More than enough. He was just hurt.”
“I don’t know how to be enough. I don’t know how to get out of this.”
I lowered myself to the floor and knelt in front of him to look into those eyes so full of pain. “Out of what? What we have? Do you mean you don’t know how to get out of being with me? What’s happened?”
“No! You’re the only thing right about me. Why would I want to lose you? If I don’t have you, all I am is that empty shell Cash saw that night.”
“Then no more talk about this. I’m not going anywhere, and no matter what it is that’s haunting you, I’m by your side.”
Stefan closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine. “I love you, Shay. I know everything you know about me tells you to not believe me, but I do. Don’t ever doubt that.”
He slumped against a chair and hung his head. I wanted to tell him he’d won the bet, but I didn’t. Not like this. It meant too much.
AVOIDING CASH and Kane’s texts all day, I rolled into the club just before seven and immediately headed for my office, hoping to barricade myself in there before any of the bartending staff arrived. I’d spent the day trying to figure out a way to avoid Lola yet still be in the building with her, and that was the best idea I’d come up with. Maybe it was because I was nursing a hangover, but for a moment as I stood in the shower trying to come back to life the idea had seemed like a great one.