“Neither one of you really gives a fuck about me, so you can just leave me to my life.”
“Oh, Christ. We’re not going to do that again, are we?” Cash asked as he sat down in a chair nearby.
“Go easy on him, Cash. I think he might have a reason for this bender.”
I looked up at Kane as he pulled me up to a seated position. “You know?”
“Yeah. Let me get you something for that cut on your finger. I’ll be right back.”
He walked toward the kitchen as Cash waited for me to explain why I was laid out on my couch piss drunk and bleeding. Recounting all the stupid things I’d done wasn’t on my list of things to do today, so I pressed my head against the cushion and closed my eyes again.
Kane returned with a wet cloth and cleaned up my hand, wrapping it around my finger to stop the blood. Taking a seat across from Cash, he said, “Stefan and Shay had a problem.”
Cash looked confused. “Stefan, I get that you’re dating her, but women problems have never sent you into this kind of tailspin before. What’s going on?”
I licked my parched lips and tried to keep my eyes open even though they kept trying to close. “Can one of you get me a glass of water if you won’t let me drink while you’re here? My mouth’s like a desert.”
Cash hurried to the kitchen and returned with a glass of water. “Here, drink this. Your body’s probably dehydrated. How long have been on this bender?”
“What day is it?”
“Sunday.”
“I don’t know. I don’t remember much about the first couple days. Ask Kane.”
“Cash, Stefan did what he could to make Lola happy. I’m not sure what happened, but Shay hasn’t been back at work since that night. Stefan, did she quit?”
“Yeah. She caught me with Lola.”
Neither of my brothers said anything. Good. I didn’t want to talk about it.
“Stefan, we told you we didn’t expect you to do that. Why would you? You had to know if Shay found out you’d lose her,” Cash said as if I’d been with Lola for any reason other than to help them.
“I got a visit from Shank after we talked and he made it perfectly clear if I didn’t get back to business with Lola, he’d stop helping us. I didn’t want you to suffer for my fuckup again, Cash, so when she asked to meet with me in my office after the club closed, I did it. Shay walked in and found her going down on me.”
Cash frowned and hung his head. “Stef, you never had to do that. I don’t suffer because of your fuckups. You’re my brother, and I love you. You don’t have to make up for what happened anymore. I’m happy now. I don’t expect you to pay forever.”
“I didn’t want to see your engagement party or your wedding ruined because of problems at the club. I knew Shank wouldn’t keep helping us if I didn’t keep Lola happy. I couldn’t think of any other way.”
“I’m sorry. I never wanted to see you so unhappy. I would never ask you to give up what you had with Shay for my happiness.”
“Well, you were right when you said someday I’d love someone and I wouldn’t be enough to keep her.”
“Stefan, I didn’t mean that. I never wanted this to happen to you.”
I hung my head and quietly said, “I’ve had it coming for a long time. I deserve this.”
Cash stood and patted me on the shoulder. “Take all the time you need. I can handle the club. Don’t forget about the engagement party. Olivia and I want you there to share our celebration.”
“I’ll be there, Cash. I even promise to clean myself up.”
He left me sitting with Kane, who thankfully hadn’t said much yet. I could only hope he’d continue being so kind.
“Do you need anything from me? You going to be okay?”
I looked over at him and shook my head. “Nope and nope. But thanks for asking. I assume you’re here to take possession of your new place.”
“No,” he said and then chuckled. “You can forget all about that bet. Stefan, I know it’s a longshot, but maybe if you told her why you did it she might be able to forgive you.”
To hear Kane try to find a way to help me seemed so out of character for him that I couldn’t help but smile. “I told her. It didn’t matter.”
“Stefan, I meant what I said the other day. Shay is the only woman you’ve ever been with that didn’t disgust me. She’s smart and funny and somehow made you into a person who actually thought of other people’s happiness before his own, no matter how stupid that was. You need to go to her and convince her to forgive you.”
Obviously, Kane’s kind moment had ended.
“She doesn’t want to see me or hear from me ever again, Kane. What I did can’t be forgiven, no matter what my intentions were. I can’t blame her. Just the thought of her with another man makes me so fucking angry I want to kill someone. I can’t imagine what seeing her fucking someone would feel like. No, I fucked this up just like Cash predicted I would.”
“Stefan, for the first time in your life you have to fight for something you love. Don’t let her get away or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Trust me on this.”
I reached forward to grab a bottle of whiskey. “You’re not fucking listening. She doesn’t want to even see me anymore. What the hell do you know about this anyway? I don’t think I’ve ever even seen you with a woman.”
Kane nodded. “I know how it feels to lose someone you love. I didn’t do enough once, and now she’s gone forever. Don’t make the same mistake, Stefan. Find a way to win her back.”
I shook my head. “I don’t deserve her, Kane. I deserve bar sluts like Lola. No need to worry about me. I’ll never be alone.”
Just saying those words made me sick to my stomach, but it was the truth. I’d aimed for someone out of my league—someone I had no right to be with—and fate had made things right.
Standing, Kane did the same patting thing on my shoulder Cash had done. “Think about what I said. With Shay, even I liked you, Stefan. That’s got to mean something.”
I lifted the bottle to my lips and took a gulp of whiskey. With Shay, I liked me too, but that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered now without her in my life.
FOR FIVE days, I lay in bed and cried like a baby. Carrie came over each night and held me as I sobbed and repeated every horrible moment of how I let myself fall for a player like Stefan March and how he broke my heart.