Two mentions of that word made me certain I’d been anything but that, but he pulled me into him and kissed me full on the lips and my insecurities disappeared, at least for the moment.
“I promise I won’t act strange tomorrow. I’ll be the same stiff Cassian March I’ve always been.”
“Well, you have a reputation to keep.”
He laughed at my joke, but I’d subconsciously been referring to his other reputation that now seemed to take up so much of my mind. Cash dated the most beautiful women in town, and undoubtedly, he slept with them too. As he escorted me out to his office, that’s all I could think about. Yes, I’d gone into this whole thing with him with my eyes wide open, but now I didn’t want to go back to being simply his assistant.
I tried to read his expression to see if he felt anything for me, but there was nothing but that cool man who was all business in front of me now. He kissed me again, soft but without all that passion that had been in his kiss before, and told me he’d see me the next day. We parted ways, boss and assistant once again, no matter how much I wished that wasn’t all we were.
Chapter Thirteen
Cassian
I watched Olivia walk out into the nightclub looking sexier than any woman should without a man on her arm. I should have stopped her or taken her home, but I was already regretting having sex with her. Whatever was happening between us couldn’t happen, no matter how much I wished it could. I’d thought I’d avoided going any further with her when I left Kane to deal with her. It was a shitty thing to do, but my ego was making the decisions then.
Too fucking bad my ego hadn’t stayed in control. Instead, my heart thought it should weigh in on the issue of Olivia and what had just happened proved there would be no fucking her out of my system.
This couldn’t happen.
I ran my hand through my hair before I headed out into the club for a drink. Tonight definitely called for a stiff one. Stopping at the end of the bar, I raised my hand to call one of the bartenders over. A tiny blonde, she leaned over to hear my order over the music and give me a full view of her tits. I had to assume Stefan’s workers thought this was some way to ensure job security since they acted like this every time I came out into the club for a drink.
“Give me a Makers, neat.”
The blonde answered with something I couldn’t hear and a smile, and I was thankful the music was so loud. I wasn’t in the mood for her thing tonight.
From behind me I heard, “Hey, Cash! I didn’t realize you were still here.” Stefan. I thought about not answering him, but there was no point in ignoring him. He’d just keep talking. Turning around, I saw him wearing a shit-eating grin and instantly the thought ran through my mind that he’d seen Olivia and me together.
“What’s up, Stefan?”
“What are you doing here? I thought you were going home early tonight. Kane mentioned something about it, so I figured you were gone already.”
The blonde returned with my drink, and grabbing it, I took a gulp and pressed a smile onto my face. “Just leaving.”
“Hey, I thought I saw Olivia leaving a few minutes ago. Maybe you should take it easy on her. Don’t want to ride her too hard.”
“I have no idea. I didn’t see her since this afternoon.”
I watched Stefan’s expression for any evidence that he knew I was lying, but the blond bartender had caught his eye and he set off to likely cost us more money in legal fees. It was time for me to leave. The club had nothing to offer me other than work, and I wouldn’t be able to concentrate much anyway.
By Wednesday, I’d avoided the club for two days and worked from home, even blowing off a charity function for the new bayside park because I just didn’t have any interest in seeing the same people as always who traveled the circuit. They’d gotten my check, so it wasn’t like the important part of me hadn’t shown up.
Standing in front of my window overlooking the bay, I looked out at the action taking place at the end of the day I never saw from my office at the club. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I was avoiding Olivia. The sex had been great. No, great was the wrong word for it. I hadn’t enjoyed fucking a woman like that in a long time. Something in the way she’d shed her inhibitions so willingly charmed me. The physical feeling had been off the charts incredible, but even more the emotional connection had made it one of the best nights I’d ever had with a woman.
That was the problem. If all we were was good sex, I’d have been back at work bright and early Tuesday morning at eleven and planning for the next time she and I could revisit that conference room table. I’d be planning on how to wine and dine her around town to get her back to my bed whenever I wanted her. That routine I knew well. Fuck, I’d mastered that routine. Sex meant a connection between my cock and a woman’s cunt. No more, no less. Emotions had nothing to do with it. I’d made sure of that since Rachel.
This thing with Olivia smashed all my nonchalant ideas about sex to pieces and left me with no way to know what to do with her. I’d promised myself never to let another woman get close to me again after what happened with Rachel, and now some part of me whispered quietly in my brain that this woman was worth a chance.
My mind went back to the moment I became the man who wanted nothing to do with truly being with a woman again. I remembered it like it happened yesterday. Even now, years later, the events of that night were as vivid and real to me as if I was experiencing them today.
Rachel stood beside me as the line of people filing into the club moved past us, thrilled to be a part of the biggest night all year at Club X—the Halloween Ball, known throughout west Florida as the wildest party around. Nobody did Halloween raunchier or more debauched than my club. I turned to slide my arm around her, the woman I adored as my wife and who tonight was dressed as the sexiest cat I’d ever seen.
But everything about her was the sexiest I’d ever seen. Just a few years older, Rachel had schooled me in so many things about women, and I’d fallen hard and fast for her. I woke every morning more in love than the day before, and as I ended each day deep inside her, I would have given up everything I owned with just a word from her gorgeous mouth.
I was as lost as any man had ever been for a woman he loved.
“Cash, let’s go join your brothers at the bar. You don’t have to be at the door to greet your customers and the party’s about to get started.”
Her wish was my command, so we walked over to stand next to Stefan and Kane, my arm instinctively wrapping around her waist as we stopped in front of them. My younger brother was all compliments for her cat costume, and Rachel lapped them up like a kitten with a saucer of milk. Twirling out of my hold, she showed him her tail, shaking her gorgeous ass for him so he could see it move.