“It’s okay, Nina. I know it seems like everything’s crazy now, but sometimes that’s how it has to be,” he said softly as I buried my face in his chest.
“I can’t do crazy anymore. This is too hard.”
For the first time since that night Tristan and I first made love, the thought that I couldn’t handle Tristan’s world settled into my mind. I still loved him, but I just didn’t know if I was the right person to deal with all that came with him.
Gage let me have a good, long cry, and I sat back from him to wipe the tears from under my eyes. Shaking my head, I apologized for being such a fucked up mess. “I’m sorry you have to see this. I bet right now you’re wishing you never said yes to pretending to be my boyfriend, although I’m guessing Daryl didn’t give you much choice, did he?”
A gentle smile lit up his face. “Not really, but it’s okay. This isn’t so bad. I’m used to crying females. I had three sisters all within five years of me, so high school was an almost constant stream of crying and screaming.”
“Three sisters so close together? The bathroom arrangement alone must have been a nightmare.”
Chuckling, he said, “I don’t remember seeing the bathroom much in high school. Thankfully, we had a half bath in the basement or my father and I would have been in real trouble.”
“Your family sounds nice.”
“My family sounds like a bunch of crazy people. It’s okay. You don’t have to lie. I know.”
Sniffling back the last of my tears, I said, “I don’t know what it’s like to have a family like that. My mother died when I was little, and my sister’s six years older than me. By the time I was old enough to want to hang around with her, she wasn’t interested in hanging around with me.”
He nodded. “Yeah, siblings can be like that. I never had a brother, but I had three younger sisters, and I can tell you I never wanted to hang with them back then. People change as they get older, so maybe you and your sister could hang out now.”
I shook my head, all too sure that would never be the case with Kim. “I doubt it. My sister and I are just two very different people. Do you know that even before she met Tristan she accused him of being a murderer? A murderer! She hadn’t even laid eyes on him or ever talked to him for a minute and she was sure he was some ax murderer or something. That’s who she is. I just don’t think she ever wanted me to be happy.”
“I’m hoping he’s not an ax murderer because I’m not in the mood to defend myself right now since if he saw us sitting together like this he might want to kill me,” Gage said with a smile.
Turning to face him, I folded my legs underneath me and hung my head. “I doubt it. He seemed perfectly fine with me kissing you, so I doubt you sitting here with me would bother him even a little.”
Gage shook his head. “I think you’re wrong there. Men don’t appreciate other men sitting on the same bed with their girlfriends. Sorry, fiancée. I know I wouldn’t.”
“I would think those men might not order their girlfriends or fiancées to kiss other men then.”
Smiling, he shook his head again. “He thinks you’re in danger and is trying to keep you safe, Nina.”
“Then he should be here taking care of that himself instead of making you and me play house.”
“Powerful men have enemies. Dangerous enemies. I don’t know Tristan at all, to be honest, but from what I’ve seen, he cares about you.”
I knew Gage was right, but that didn’t mean I was feeling any better about Tristan and Daryl’s plan. “Sometimes I wonder.”
Without any warning, I broke down in tears again. God, I was a mess! Burying my face in my hands, I sobbed at the reality that I wasn’t sure if Tristan even cared anymore. Months of wondering where he was and if he was okay had turned into wondering if he still loved me at all.
The bed shifted, and I felt Gage move closer to hug me again. I guess I shouldn’t have let him, but being held felt so good. After so long, I didn’t feel alone. “It’s okay, Nina. Let it out.”
Lifting my head to say thank you for him being so understanding, I looked up and time seemed to change into slow motion. Those dark blue eyes gazed down at me so full of concern that for a moment I felt like I should comfort him and let him know I’d be okay. Instead, I just stared up into his face and then it happened.
I didn’t know if he kissed me or I kissed him, but we kissed. I hadn’t been kissed in months, and for a split second I let myself enjoy the sensation of his soft lips on mine. It was the nicest, most innocent kiss I’d ever had, and instantly, I felt guiltier than ever before in my life.
When time resumed its normal motion, I abruptly pulled away and shook my head over and over. From behind my hand covering my guilty mouth, I mumbled, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I did that. That should have never happened.”
The expression on his face was a mixture of the guilt he shared with me and surprise, which made me believe I’d kissed him. Maybe I had. I didn’t know. It all just happened so unexpectedly.
“I better go. I’m just glad you feel better.”
He left without another word, and as I sat there with my hand still covering my mouth, all I knew was that I’d never felt so awful in my life.
Chapter Eight
Tristan
While I waited for Daryl to return, I took a look around the apartment he’d rented for me on the edge of the town closest to the house. He’d done a good job getting me as close as possible to Nina. On foot, I was probably only a few minutes away across a field that butted up against the property. All of three rooms and a bathroom, the apartment wasn’t even big enough to measure up to the rooms Nina stayed in when she’d first come to live with me, but I didn’t plan to stay here long.
I sat on the full sized bed that took up most of the space in the tiny, white bedroom and stared into the mirror across from me. I barely recognized myself. Months of exile had whittled away at my body so I was much leaner. Hair longer than I’d worn in years fell into my eyes, and my beard was practically as long and bushy as Daryl’s. Only my eyes still told others I was Tristan Stone, assuming anyone could see them through the hair.
It felt good to be back home, or at least close to home. Soon I’d find out what Karl was up to and finally get to return to Nina and our life together. Until then, I had to hope she’d understand what I had to do to safeguard that life.