“Brynn, please. Just give me two minutes, OK?”
I nod, shifting from foot to foot as I wish I could just run away, all the way back to my room and pull the covers over my head. Anything so that I don't have to hear all the reasons why he doesn't love me.
“When you told me you loved me,” he resumes, “I felt empty.” Tears spring to my eyes—oof, that was worse than I thought. “No, not like that!” he says, seeing my reaction. “I mean, I felt…inadequate. Like I had nothing inside me to give back to you. Here you were, so strong, and smart, and intelligent, and I felt like such a failure.” I'm shocked to hear his voice break. He clears his throat before he continues. “I had failed you. I felt… I mean, everything my dad had ever told me was a lie!” he exclaims, his voice rising. “In that moment, I don't think I knew if I was capable of love. What my father had shown me for years wasn't love, I don't think, it was control. I felt so undeserving to be loved by you, and for me to even tell you that I loved you, it wouldn't mean anything, because it would be from someone who was empty.”
“You're not empty,” I murmur, unable to hear him talk about himself like this even though he broke my heart.
“I'm starting to realize that. It's been good, seeing my mom, talking to her, hearing the truth about my past. All the things that you were trying to help me with. You were right all along.”
“I wasn't trying to be right.”
“I know, that's not—sorry, this is coming out all wrong. I've been thinking about you every day, imagining us meeting up back on campus, and it's just happened a lot quicker than I thought it would. I wanted to call you every day, but I needed to make sure I was ready. That I had done some work on myself before I tried to reach out to you. I know the kind of relationship I want to have with you, and I want to make sure I'm ready for it.”
I blink at him, feeling confused. “So, what are you saying?”
“I'm saying that you're not my stepsister anymore, first of all,” he says with a small grin. “They filed today.”
“You talked to your dad?”
“Just once. I couch-surfed with friends after you left. I didn't want to stay in the same house with him.”
I stare at him as a realization begins to trickle through my brain. “It was you, wasn't it? You got him to give my mom a settlement.”
He runs a hand through his hair. “Well, after talking with my mom, and hearing what happened to her in their divorce, I was worried he wouldn't be fair in dealing with your mom either. So, I, um, told him that if he ever wanted to see me again, he'd have to give your mom some money in the divorce. And your tuition, well, I figured after what he put you through, that you deserved it.”
“I can't believe you did that.”
“Actually, I wasn't sure it would work. I mean, I wasn't sure if he wanted to see me again anyway.”
“I think, in his own twisted way, he does love you.”
“His very twisted way.” He steps forward and reaches for my hand, which is still entwined in my hair. He pulls it down and laces his fingers through mine. “I can't promise you that I'll know how to be in a normal relationship right away, but please, give me another chance. I know how badly I fucked up, but I want to do better. Please. I want to learn with you.”
I pause, uncertain. Can I really put myself out there with him? Risk my heart being broken again? I feel him begin to pull my hand gently behind his back so that I'm forced to take a step in. He leans forward, tucking my arm against the small of his back.
“No fair,” I whisper, as the heat of his body envelopes me. He wraps his other arm around me.
“I know,” he says with a sly grin. “But can you blame me? I'd do anything for another chance with you.”
Everything about him is so intoxicating. I'm dizzy with desire for him after not being near him for close to a month. I turn my face up to his.
“OK, OK,” I relent. “One more chance.”
The words have barely left my lips when he covers my mouth with his. My legs almost give out as we touch—a mix of pleasure and relief overwhelming my body.
“God, I've missed you,” he murmurs, breaking away for a moment. I pull his head back down to mine and sink my tongue into his mouth.
“Get a room!”
We break away as a group of guys, probably freshmen, walk past us, hooting and hollering. Nate glares at them for a moment, then rolls his eyes.
“Come on, there's something I've wanted to do for a long time anyway.” He leads me by the hand back out of campus and across the street to the crew house. I'm wondering if he means something sexual, and worries he forgot his mom is visiting him. We walk up the steps and I see her and the crew guys turn to us as we step onto the porch. “Everyone, this is my girlfriend, Brynn,” he announces proudly.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Eileen's face breaks into a huge grin as I blush. His teammates slap him on the back and needle him about his lack of previous relationships, then begin to introduce themselves to me. I'm quickly offered a beer and pulled into multiple conversations, but Nate is there every few minutes with a hand on my back, making sure I'm OK.
As the night goes on, the porch fills up with more people, and, particularly, more women. I'm happily overwhelmed by all these new faces, but also glad to just lean on the railing for a minute to sip my beer.
“Brynn?” I hear a woman's voice call. I turn to see Cara walking up onto the porch.
“Hey!” I say, and stand up to give her a hug.
“How was your summer?”
“Um…” I murmur, unable to find the words to describe the last few months. I look over her shoulder and watch a girl I don't know place her hand on Nate's chest. Before I can even frown, though, he steps back and smiles politely, then makes his way over to me. “It was pretty crazy,” is all I can come up with before Nate's arm snakes his way around my waist.
“I just saw my mom yawning, so I think she's about to go back to her hotel,” he says. “Oh, hey Cara.”
“Nate…are you two…?” Cara asks, her eyes darting back and forth between us.
“We are,” I confirm, as Nate grins down at me. It does feel good to say it out loud.
“And you've already met his parents? Wow!”
“Yeah, we've met,” I reply a bit evasively, as Nate bites his lip to keep from laughing. I elbow him in the ribs. “We better go say goodbye to his mom.”
Sure enough, Eileen is shouldering her purse and looking around as we walk over.