I understood wanting to be ignorant of the painful facts of life. I couldn't blame her if she had chosen to believe her husband and son weren't the monsters they were. I just prayed that she knew how good Tristan was.
Unable to look at the ones responsible for all this heartache anymore, I placed the portrait back in its spot in the trunk next to a stack of letters tied with a red silk ribbon that reminded me of all the notes and letters Tristan had written me. I ran my fingertips over the handwriting as I read the name they were addressed to.
Tressa.
Had they been love letters from Tristan's father to his mother? Tossing them back into the bottom of the trunk, I closed the lid. I couldn't think about Victor Stone being someone good and kind. He was a monster, and that was all there was to it for me.
I walked back to my room, still determined to at least let Tristan know that I forgave him. Grabbing my phone, I laid back on my bed and texted him a message, my fingers saying what my voice couldn't.
I wish you hadn't left. I wanted to tell you this myself, but I'll have to do it this way instead. I forgive you. Please tell me where you are so I can come to you. I don't want this house and the money if you aren't with me. I love you.
For more than an hour I waited for him to text me back and tell me he loved me too. He never answered my text.
Epilogue
Tristan
The sun was just setting as I watched the blue sky change to a deep purple shade I hadn't seen since my last time here. I'd only visited this place once when I was a boy. My mother had brought me here with my brother to see a hotel my father was considering buying. She fell in love with its old world charm, but he dismissed it out of hand, knowing full well how much it meant to her to play some part in the business.
The building had fallen into disrepair in the years since, and it was nowhere near as beautiful now. No longer a hotel, it was merely a home under construction. It was the first purchase I made after becoming CEO of Stone Worldwide. I bought it sight unseen and immediately set about reconstructing it. I'd always planned on bringing Nina here once the home was finished. I'd had this fantasy that this could be our summer house and we'd bring our kids here. They'd play in the yard while she and I watched them from the balcony.
As I sat in the livable part of the house admiring the darkening sky, I tried to remember that all those dreams were gone now. Nina had reacted just as I feared when she heard what I'd done. I didn't blame her. How could I? While my crime wasn't the same as my father's or brother's, it was still a betrayal and I'd knowingly committed it, no matter what my intentions had been.
Rogers had been right.
My chest felt like a weight was pushing down on it every time I thought about him. As much my father was Victor Stone, he'd been the one I'd turned to for so long I hadn't seen what he'd become. That he'd chosen Karl and the world I'd sworn to never be a part of over me and had tried to hurt the woman I loved hurt more than I could express.
But his death was as much my fault as the one who'd run him down that night. I wanted to kill him right there in his room in my home, my hands tightening around his neck until there was no more life left in him. I wished him dead for what he'd done—for his disloyalty when I needed him most. For threatening to hurt the one soul on this Earth I'd ever truly loved.
Nina.
My thoughts always came back to her. Thousands of miles separated us, yet I could still smell her perfume each time I inhaled, could still feel the touch of her hand on mine when I closed my eyes.
I wondered how she looked when she read my letter, her gentle blue eyes taking in my words like she had that first night home from the hospital. Had it made her happy when she found out that she owned that house she loved so much, or had she thrown the paper away from her in disgust, unwilling to listen to my apologies even in that form?
Looking around at the almost empty room I sat in now, I accepted how it all had ended up. I was supposed to be alone. I'd told shrink after shrink that, trying to convince them of the reality of who I was while they tried their damnedest to persuade me to believe that no person was meant to be alone, not even someone as fucked up as I was.
That all souls deserved love.
I'd lost my family, Rogers, and now Nina. Whether or not I deserved it, I was alone.
I looked down at my phone, a new one I'd gotten just days before. I knew it was impossible since she didn't know the number, but every so often I checked anyway to see if she'd texted to tell me she'd forgiven me, she loved me, or even that she missed me.
It was better this way. Nina was safe with West and Varo. She had Daryl looking out for her and Jensen at her beck and call. She had as much money as she'd ever need and a home she'd said she'd loved.
Pushing the phone away from me, it slid across the table and I told myself this was how it had to be.
It's better this way.
Even if it wasn't better this way, this was how it was.
I slipped one of the letters she'd written me out of my pocket and ran my fingertips over the words, imagining her hand holding the paper as she wrote the lines that I read and reread every night. I missed her so much my body actually hurt. I missed her voice as she asked me dozens of questions and her smile when she tried to bring me out of my shell. I missed the softness of her lips against mine when she kissed me and the feel of her cuddled up next to me as she drifted off to sleep.
How was I going to live like this for the rest of my life now that I knew what I missed?
I leaned over, pulling my phone toward me, and turned it on. I ran my finger across the screen, but it didn't change the picture. Maybe it was a sign. Staring at it, I tried to talk myself out of what I was about to do.
But it was no use. I had to try.
I lightly dragged my fingertip across the screen, bringing it to life this time, and pressed until the only contact I had saved came up.
Nina.
I miss you.
Pushing the phone away, I watched it, my eyes fixed on it for her text back. I hadn't told her who I was, so she might never reply. Maybe that's what was supposed to be.
I waited for what seemed like hours, although it was likely just a few minutes, before I gave up hope and closed my eyes, silently telling myself this was what I deserved. This was my punishment for my crimes.
Pulling the phone back, I opened my eyes and saw a message come in. Please come home. Don't leave me here all alone.
I didn't think it was possible for my heart to break more, but just seeing those words made it feel like someone was tearing it out of my chest. She forgave me, yet I couldn't go home now.
I love you. If I could return, I would.
Texting Nina had been a mistake. Wishing for something that couldn't be was bad enough. Wishing for something that could someday happen was worse.