“Confess,” he said, like he was luring it out of her.
She held up her hands. “I don’t get it. I don’t get the whole ‘let it go’ thing.”
He shook his head as if her words didn’t compute. “What whole ‘let it go’ thing?”
“The whole let go of control.”
“Is this about cake?”
She shook her head.
“Yeah, I didn’t think it was about cake. What’s it about?”
She took a deep breath, grateful she’d had a glass of champagne tonight to take the edge off her own inhibitions. Her drinks from this afternoon had worn off as she’d returned to the hotel, finished some other work, taken a shower and then slipped into a flouncy dark pink skirt and a silvery silk tank for their dinner. She’d refueled though, and the little dose of liquid courage was what she needed to forge ahead.
“We’re friends, right?”
“Obviously.”
“And you know about Scott.”
He nodded resolutely. “The douchebag,” he said, narrowing his eyes.
“Is Scott Nixon really a douche?”
“He let you go. I’m going to assume that makes him a douche.”
She couldn’t help it. A smile took over her features at his sweet words. Instinctively, she reached out her hand, and rested it on his arm. A friendly gesture. But it was odd that he hitched in his breath as she touched him. His muscles tensed under her hand. “You know what I mean. You know what he said to me when we broke up.”
“That you were too headstrong,” he said, a touch of anger in his tone. For some reason, that anger felt protective, and she kind of liked it.
“He also made it clear he wasn’t that into the sex. That I was nothing special,” she said, looking down.
“Again, the guy is a complete and utter ass,” he said, acid in his tone.
“Be that as it may, you know I’ve kind of had bad luck with men for that reason. The whole too headstrong thing.”
“I disagree about the reasons. But go on.”
“And I know all about you and your women.”
He threw his head back and laughed.
“I don’t mean Joanna,” she said quickly, and he looked away at the mention of his ex-wife. She’d never met Joanna, but she’d have to be an idiot not to know how deeply the woman had hurt Nate. He didn’t talk about her often, but Jack had shared some of the details from their marriage and then their divorce four years ago. Joanna’s betrayal was the reason Nate played the field like a professional ballplayer. The man practically had a three-dates-and-out rule. He had a more meaningful relationship with his regular dry-cleaner than he’d had with a woman since Joanna. “I mean the fact that you are . . .” she paused, considering her words, “the opposite of me. You’re very lucky with the ladies.”
He blushed, a sliver of a smile appearing on his face.
“My point is we know each other,” she said. “We trust each other. We have no agenda.” She took a deep fueling breath, then ripped off the Band-Aid. “And that’s why I need you to give it to me straight. Am I too controlling? Do I need to learn to let go? Am I just too alpha?”
* * *
It was a good thing he had finished the last of his champagne, because he would have spat out his drink at the absurdity of her question. “What are you talking about?”
She dropped her head and pushed her hands through her hair. He missed her hand on his arm. He wished she’d wrap those slender fingers around him once more. When she lifted her face, she seemed both sad and frustrated.
“Here’s the thing. Grant Abbot indicated that he’s interested in me, and well, I’ve kind of been into him for a while,” she began, and his gut tightened when she said that. Sure, she told him now and then about an occasional date she had in New York, and he’d even met the infamous Scott, who he wanted to punch for making Casey feel like shit about herself, but hearing her say she was into some other guy when he was so damn close to her that he couldn’t get the sweet citrusy-scent of her shampoo out of his mind, pissed him off. Especially because that smell was driving him wild.
“You’re interested in him?” he asked, as if he were tasting dirt. Jealousy pulsed through his veins. He had no right to be jealous. He was all wrong for Casey. She wanted love, and tenderness. She wanted commitment and the possibility of forever.
Those were notions that had no appeal to him. He’d been there, done that and had the ugly scars to prove it. A few years after earning his MBA and landing his first job in management at a startup, he’d met the woman of his dreams—a gorgeous artist, dark and beguiling, with haunting eyes and a wild spirit. He and Joanna fell fast and hard into love, the all-consuming, raw and passionate kind that becomes your oxygen. They relied on each other. They desperately needed each other, in every way. He would have done anything for her, and so he did. She was a struggling young sculptor aiming to return to graduate school, and since he had moved up quickly in his career, leaving the startup for a job in the hotel business, he paid for her MFA.
And boy, did he ever pay when he learned she’d been having an affair with her sculpting professor, some supposed world-renowned artist named Claude who Nate only thought of as a world-renowned prick.
Never again, he’d vowed. Never again would he put his heart on the line like that. It was far easier and a hell of a lot more fun to play the field, to bounce back and forth with women, never settling, never giving anyone his heart again. Call him a playboy. He was fine with that. There wasn’t a more fitting title for his relationship approach. Casey knew it, Jack knew it, his own sister, Kat, happily married and with twin daughters, knew it too, and Nate didn’t try to hide it from anyone.
The one thing he hid well was his desire for Casey, but that was proving exceptionally challenging as she went on about this simmering mutual attraction she’d felt for the lingerie guy. “And I’ve been into him for so long, so when he said he wanted to get together . . .” she said, continuing her recap.
He closed his eyes briefly as she talked, wishing this conversation didn’t bother him so much. There was no earthly reason why jealousy should be raging like white waters in his blood. He hadn’t put himself on the line for her. He hadn’t told her he wanted to crush her lips to his, to taste her kiss, to capture her moans and sighs in his mouth, because he could give no more than that. He had to keep his desires in check and focus on the friendship.