“No. I can’t.”
Gabe lifted his head and stared into my eyes, disbelief flashing in the smoldering depths. He didn’t ask for an explanation, but I heard the silent demand anyway.
“Not like this.” I repeated his reason for not kissing me earlier, although his explanation for stopping was very different from mine now.
Again, he waited, as if he were entitled to an explanation but wouldn’t demean himself to ask.
I swallowed over the lump lodged in the back of my throat. “I heard your housekeeper cancel on the answering machine and thought I could help you out by cleaning since she couldn’t. She promised you she’d take care of the other room,” I said in a rush. “The one with the closed door. So I … went in and saw … everything.”
His eyes darkened in anger.
Because I’d crossed that threshold where I didn’t belong? Lance’s triggers had been far less. “I wasn’t snooping. I was trying to help.”
“Fuck.” He looked away.
His reaction hurt, and I braced myself for the lecture to come.
Without warning, his grip on me eased. I looked up to find him staring down at me, his gaze unexpectedly soft. “Don’t ever be afraid of me, Isabelle. I’m not him.” His calming voice soothed me.
I nodded and realized I was shaking, that fear had indeed taken me over. “Yelling was Lance’s preferred form of communication. That or complete disdain followed by deafening silence.” Which had left me feeling as bereft and as alone as I’d been as a child.
“Anything more?” he asked through gritted teeth.
“No,” I assured him. “Lance knew how to wound without touching.”
A muscle worked in his jaw. “My anger wasn’t at you.” He soothed me with caring strokes of his fingers over my throat and neck. “It was at myself. That there was anything in that room for you to find.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t exist to you then. But I’m coming off a long-term, bad relationship. So bad it would be a mistake to just jump into something now. We don’t really know each other.” I blushed, knowing how immature and naive I must sound, and yet I meant every word.
I might be moving in, allowing myself to rely on him based on an innate feeling of trust I had never felt for anyone before, not even Lance at his most gracious and charming. But sleeping with him was something else entirely.
He brushed my hair off my cheek, his touch warming me where I’d been cold. “I wouldn’t cheat on you.”
“But Naomi—”
“I didn’t cheat on her either.”
“No, you broke it off as if it meant nothing. As if she meant nothing.” My teeth bit into my bottom lip. “And if you could do that to her, you could do it to me just as easily.” When he got bored. Or realized I wasn’t as interesting as he apparently found me now.
He ran a hand over his eyes. “If I tell you it’s because she did mean nothing, you’ll think I’m a cold bastard, but it’s the truth.” He shoved his hand into his pockets.
It didn’t help, but at least he’d been honest. “Okay.”
“No, not okay. But you have to understand something else.” He tucked his hand beneath my chin, raising my eyes to his. “She’s not you. Nobody’s been you.”
At his heartfelt words, my heart slammed against my chest. I didn’t know what to say or how to feel. I only knew I liked the emotions he evoked in me way too much.
“Just know I wouldn’t deliberately hurt you. And I’m. Not. Him.”
I managed a nod. “That much I know.” I did.
“So we’re good?” he asked.
“Yes.” But there was something else I needed to say, and it wouldn’t come easily.
He narrowed his gaze. “I can tell there’s a but. Just say it.”
I managed a nod, swiping my tongue over my dry lips and reaching deep for courage. “Nobody’s been there for me the way you have, and you barely know me, no matter what crazy attraction exists between us.”
“I know you, Iz.”
A shudder rippled through me. I forced myself to continue. “And today, I took off because I didn’t like the way that room made me feel. I needed air, and I didn’t realize I was locked out until the door shut behind me. But I didn’t stay away to teach you a lesson or act like a jealous brat. It never dawned on me that you’d be worried.” I blinked and glanced away. “My parents never were. Lance never was. Your caring and protectiveness, it’s new to me.”
Understanding and something more turned his expression warm and soft. “It’s new to me too,” he admitted. “You’re my kitten,” he said, his voice gruff.
Unsure of how to interpret that, I tilted my head, looking up at him.
A knowing smile lifted his mouth into a disarming, sexy grin. “You’re brave one minute, skittish the next. You need to be gentled, to learn that the hand that’s stroking you can be trusted.”
As he spoke, his thumb glided over my neck, pausing at my rapidly beating pulse. “I can’t change what or who came before you, but I can tell you that you’re different. For me, to me. I don’t understand why, I just know. And if you give me the chance, I’ll prove it.” He continued to glide his thumb back and forth against my skin, gentling me, as he’d said.
My eyes fluttered closed. “I’ve never had anyone in my life I could truly trust.” The people I was supposed to trust betrayed me, and the one I’d chosen had done the same.
“Well, now you do.” His hand traveled upward, until he brushed my jaw, then my lips, with his thumb.
Darned if I didn’t fall right back into that soft, easy spot he’d taken me to before. Feeling brave, I licked, then nipped at his finger.
He groaned and smoothed my own moisture over my lips. “Give me a chance,” he said in a gruff voice that made me tingle.
My stomach chose that moment to emit an unattractive growl. I just knew my cheeks turned red.
Gabe merely chuckled. “My kitten needs food.”
I forced my heavy eyelids open, embarrassed at the sound. “I haven’t eaten since a hotdog I bought for lunch.”
His frown told me what he thought of that. “Come. I’ll feed you.”
Which brought up my other concern that was equally if not more dangerous to my peace of mind. He wanted to feed me, he’d said. I could feed myself, by why argue? He spoke how he spoke, and I responded to it. But I couldn’t help wondering just how I could reinvent myself if I jumped right into another man’s home, not to mention his bed.