I was speaking and while doing it, I was getting angry.
Really angry.
And I knew Deke was about to say something but I kept on talking.
Except it wasn’t talking.
It had become ranting.
“And I can’t believe she instigated that ending and sat back, watched it play out and didn’t do anything.”
“Jussy, she was sixteen and, like I said, a cunt.”
I slid out from under him, sat up and semi-shouted, “You ended up homeless!”
Deke pushed up to a hand in the bed, reaching out with his other one to take the back of my neck in a firm hold before he replied soothingly, “Gypsy, it was a long time ago.”
“It was whacked!” I snapped. “A, no way she should have gone there. I can imagine you were hot. You were even remotely as hot as you are now, I totally can see her wanting to go there.” I leaned his way. “That doesn’t mean she should.”
“Jus—” he began, his voice trembling with what on that one syllable I knew was humor, but I didn’t find anything funny.
“B, she couldn’t control her base impulses, and obviously, I’m into you so I get that, still, she should have taken her shot and then let it lie. I mean, who accuses someone of fucking rape just because the guy doesn’t want seconds?”
“Ba—”
“And C, she accused you of rape. Let’s discuss that for a moment,” I hissed. “I mean, what she did put you and your mother on the streets. But before she initiated that outrage, she accused an innocent fifteen-year-old boy of rape. What the fuck?”
Now I was definitely shouting.
Then I was moving.
Deke using his hand on my neck to yank me to him so my chest collided with his, he turned, flipping me over him so I was again on my back, but on his side of the bed, and he was again on me, but fully on me so I was taking a lot of his weight.
This silenced me, but it didn’t calm me. I just had too much of his weight to breathe easily.
He took it off by putting it into a forearm but I remained silent because his face was so close to mine, I thought he was going to kiss me and I didn’t want to miss that in order to keep ranting.
Unfortunately, he didn’t kiss me.
He whispered, “You need to calm down.”
“I’m not gonna calm down.” I did not whisper. “This is despicable.”
“Like I said, it was a long time ago.”
“It could be fifty years, it could be two days, it doesn’t change the fact it’s despicable.”
“Jussy—”
“You’ve been blaming yourself for twenty-three years,” I declared.
Deke fell silent.
“Haven’t you?” I pushed.
“It’s on me,” he said quietly.
“You’re very, very wrong,” I returned resolutely. “And my guess, your mother knew that. My guess, your mother knew just what a vile bitch that bitch was and she wished she’d been able to save you from that. So that makes what that vile bitch did even worse. Because you’ve held guilt for twenty-three years and your mother held guilt for not protecting you when both of you should have never been touched with that emotion because that vile bitch is a vile…fucking…bitch.”
Deke said nothing.
I panted for a while, still pissed.
Then I realized he wasn’t saying anything.
“Deke?”
“You done fuming?”
“I’m not fuming, Deke, I’m ranting.”
“Right,” more humor in his tone, “you done ranting?”
“No, I wanna know her name.”
I felt Deke’s body tense. “Jussy—”
“Tell me her name, Deke.”
“Justice, it’s long over. Twenty-three years. The damage is done and everyone’s moved on.”
“Except you who thinks that’s on you.”
Deke again went silent.
“Her name,” I bit out.
“What do you think you’re gonna do?” he asked curiously.
“Get Mr. T to find her and then I’ll have a think and after I’ve had my think I’ll activate Operation Fuck Up Vile Bitch’s Life.”
The bed started shaking because Deke’s body was shaking because he was laughing.
Hard.
“I’m being deadly serious,” I whispered and I sounded it.
He touched the tip of his nose to mine and whispered back, sounding just as serious (without the deadly part), “Fuck, you’re cute.”
On no he did not.
“Don’t call a revenge-minded girlfriend cute, Deke,” I rapped out.
He pulled away but only half an inch.
Then he stated, “Right, how’s this for revenge? She’s a cunt. She was a cunt when she was a little kid. She didn’t grow out of that. And years later, when I went back thinkin’ the same thing as you, watched her to find my way in to get mine back, I found she hadn’t changed. She’s got everything and she doesn’t see it as bounty. She sees it as rightfully hers, and the more she’s got, the more she wants. She’ll never be happy. Not ever. Not with a man. Not with her life. So I took off and left her to her misery. And right now, lyin’ under me is a pretty, sweet, cute woman with great fuckin’ hair who digs me, is fuckin’ phenomenal in the sack, and she’s got more talent in her than anyone I’ve known or ever will. And she sees all God’s seen fit to grant her as bounty. She doesn’t expect shit. She lives. She works. She gives good to the people around her. And she gets that back. That’s revenge, gypsy. I got a good life and I’ve had that for years. I made that life myself. She’s entitled and miserable because she feeds off that and she’ll have nothin’ but that until the day she dies.”