But he knew a lot of people in a lot of places that meant something to him. Some of them were women, taken and not.
So they couldn’t go there.
That didn’t mean they couldn’t have something.
So as much of a dumbfuck as it made him, wanting her, knowing he wasn’t going to let himself have her, knowing she wanted him and he wasn’t going to let her have that either, he also knew she gave every sign she’d take what she could get.
So he was going to give her that.
To that end, he asked, “You wanna talk about it?”
“Buns,” she muttered.
He tossed them to her. She dug for one, they prepared their dogs and she opened up.
“Suffice it to say, my brother is a douche.”
“Got that.”
“My dad cheated on my mom with his mom when I was around six.”
“Christ,” Deke murmured.
“Mm-hmm,” she agreed and kept on, “She got pregnant. My mom was way not down with the cheating thing, the pregnancy thing was just salt in the wound, so she ended things. Dad did right by his unwanted baby mama which I think was more an effort to do right by my unborn brother. It didn’t work out and by that I mean it spectacularly didn’t work out. She was terrible to Dad. To me. To everyone. And unfortunately, although there were brief moments of glorious respite, time passed and she kept finding ways to be terrible. It’s her that’s steering Mav into doing stupid shit. My dad…he had some, uh…money.”
Deke took a bite of hot dog and just nodded to her through the flames.
That had not been lost on him and she had to know it.
She nodded back. “Luna wants her share of it.”
“How long they been divorced?” he asked.
“Think now it’s about twenty-six years,” she answered.
Deke’s chin jerked back. “Serious?”
She nodded again. “Dad remarried…yeah, again.” Her last words sounded on a sigh. “Good woman this time. I like her. Luna wants Dad’s last wife’s share. Dana was a lot younger than Dad but she wasn’t a gold digger. She really did love him and they were together for over a decade.”
“Not seein’ she’s got call to get your dad’s wife’s money,” he noted.
“She doesn’t and Dad wasn’t stupid so his wishes, I’m told, will eventually be carried out. But Mav is going for it for himself, not Luna going for it. It’s just that he’ll give it to her.”
“So what you’re sayin’ is, this is a headache you just gotta wait out.” Deke lifted his hand when she opened her mouth. “Not sayin’, Jussy, that that headache doesn’t cause pain, ’specially now when it’s not long after you lost your old man and shit’s obviously still raw. Just sayin’, you can find it in you to put that in its place, you can move out from under the emotion it’s making weigh on you.”
“I know that logically, Deke, I just don’t know how to get to that place.”
“Over beer, dogs and eventually s’mores,” he replied.
Her head tilted, making the shadow of her hair sway over her shoulder. He felt his groin tighten just at that and tighten more when she grinned at him and took a huge bite of her dog.
Through a not-anything-like-a-petty-rich-dainty-princess, her mouth being full, she said, “Good idea.”
“Slide the dogs over to me, Jus,” he ordered.
She slid the opened package across the flagstone.
He ate his last bite and loaded up another dog.
She finished hers and did the same.
They drank beer. They ate the food Deke bought. They made s’mores. Eventually, she cleared everything up, taking it undoubtedly through that dark to her utility room, which was now her makeshift kitchen, and came out with another two brews for them, where they sat, both their feet up on the ledge, chairs turned to the night.
And through this they talked about Krystal and Bubba and their baby.
Deke told her the whole story about Dalton, Carnal’s now incarcerated-for-life serial killer, including the fact that Jim-Billy helped saved Lauren’s life when she was taken. News at getting, Jus informed him she wasn’t surprised about, making it clear she’d gotten to know Jim-Billy and the good soul he carried.
He also told her he had a bike and Max’s “travelin’ man” comment she’d mentioned meant he didn’t stay put for very long and would probably be on his bike again by April, heading out and only coming back for short stays before he took off again.
Jus told him she played guitar. She further shared she was born in Kentucky, “…but my dad was kind of a travelin’ man too, and he liked his family with him, so he almost always took us along.” News Deke did not like to hear because she said it not like she missed having roots while growing up but like she liked being a tumbleweed as long as she was tumbling close to someone she loved.
She also told him her friend’s name was Lacey, they were tight and she was looking forward to the visit because they used to spend a lot of time together, but didn’t get much of that anymore.
Deke had no problem giving to her what he gave.
Jus seemed hesitant, careful and sometimes even uncomfortable sharing all of hers, doing it all like she was protecting herself.
He got why.
She wanted to give more. It was just that Deke was making it clear that wasn’t where this was going.
It cut, way deeper than he expected, and he wondered at the wisdom of his play.
But when the time had come for him to go home, she walked him to the door and purposefully fell into him sideways, her arm hitting his. A show of friendly gratitude. An indication she dug the closeness. A communication she was still good with taking what he could give.