I was about to ask Lucah what he wanted to do for dinner, but he was on his phone and his face was so pale that his freckles stood out even more than usual.
“Okay. Thank you. I’ll be right there.” He hung up and had to reach out to hold onto the kitchen counter.
“What’s wrong?”
“Ryder overdosed. He’s in the hospital.” I had a moment of shock, but it passed quickly. I’d been expecting this, somewhere in the back of my mind. Ryder was headed for a crash, and here it was.
“Which hospital?” I said. Lucah jumped at the sound of my voice.
“Mass Gen.” He’d set my purse down next to the door when we got home, so I grabbed it, making sure my cellphone and wallet were still in it.
“Let’s go,” I said, holding out my hand. He roused himself out of his moment of shock and took my hand as I led him down the hall and to the elevator.
“It’ll be okay,” I said, using my other hand to rub his shoulder. I’d never seen Lucah so silent.
He looked down at me and pulled me close and took one deep breath.
“I hope so.”
The cab ride to the hospital was one of the worst I’d ever taken. Lucah sat in stony silence, but the hand I was holding shook. I paid the fare and we got out, going into the Emergency entrance. Lucah still seemed unable to speak, so I asked the nurse at the desk where Ryder Blythe was.
“Are you family?”
“Yes,” I said. “This is his brother.” The nurse looked at Lucah.
“I’m his brother,” he finally said, his voice cracking. “I’m his brother.” I thought he was going to pass out, or fall over, but he braced himself on the desk and inhaled sharply through his nose.
The nurse told us where to go and gave us directions I tried to remember, while towing Lucah along. He stumbled like a zombie, nearly crashing into a nurse who pushed a cart from room to room. I got lost once and had to backtrack, but eventually I found the right hallway.
“That’s his room,” I said, pointing to the one with the numbers four-two-three on the door. Obviously he could see that was Ryder’s room, but I still felt the need to say something.
“Lucah?” He was still so pale.
“This is my fault.” I thought maybe I’d heard him wrong, because he couldn’t possibly be blaming himself for this. “This is my fault.”
“Let’s just go in and see him, okay?” This didn’t feel like the right time to address Lucah’s self-blame. We could deal with that later, after we assessed the damage.
A soft beeping was the only sound in the room, apart from the squeaking of Lucah’s shoes on the linoleum as we slowly walked toward the solitary bed.
Ryder was either asleep, or passed out; an oxygen tube in his nose, and several lines strung their way to hanging bags of different liquids. The man I’d seen the other day was gone, replaced by a broken, deflated version. His skin was gray, and his cheekbones nearly poked through his skin.
Lucah stared at his brother. Just stared. And then he fell to his knees beside Ryder, taking me with him. I nearly cracked my skull on the metal edge of the bed, but I was able to catch myself before that happened.
Ryder’s eyelids fluttered and then opened.
“Lucah?” His voice was rough and cracking, like he had laryngitis.
“Ryder.” Lucah lifted his head and reached for Ryder’s hand.
“I’m . . . sorry.” Ryder whispered and then coughed.
“It’s okay, don’t try to talk. It’s not important, okay? It’s not important right now.” Ryder nodded and closed his eyes again, and soon his breathing slowed and deepened and he was asleep again.
Lucah rose to his feet, taking me with him again. We both turned when a knock sounded on the door.
“Are you his brother?” a nurse with a dark bun and pink scrubs said in a hushed voice. Lucah nodded. “He’s been asking for you. How about we go out in the hall and talk?” This time Lucah was the one going first, with me following.
The nurse took us down the hall into a little room decorated in bright colors and filled with overly stuffed chairs.
“Why don’t you sit down?” Lucah and I each sank into one of the chairs. These were the kind of chairs that you gave people bad news in.
“Your brother overdosed on what we believe was a mixture of pills, all of which he was prescribed. At this point we’re not sure if he was trying to commit suicide, or if he was trying to get high. We pumped his stomach and we’re going to keep him here to watch him for forty-eight hours. I assure you, he’s not in any kind of legal trouble, because no illegal drugs were found on him. Once he’s doing better, we’re going to do a psychiatric evaluation to make sure he’s stable enough to go home and doesn’t need any additional treatment. Do you have any other family that you might need to contact?” She said all this with a soft, but clipped voice, as if she’d said it so many times she could just copy and paste our names in the speech.
“Our parents are dead.” The nurse didn’t seem surprised or shocked by this information.
“Tate. You should call Tate,” I said as gently as I could.
“Tate. My other brother Tate.” The nurse nodded.
“Okay, well why don’t you call him. We also have some paperwork that we need you to fill out, and someone will be by to talk to you about that as well.” She looked from Lucah to me and back before she patted his arm and left us.
I didn’t want to bother Lucah, or upset him, so I didn’t say anything.
“Do you think he was trying to kill himself?” he said after a few moments of quiet.
How did I answer that? Lucah and I had discussed Ryder at length. What he’d done, his screw ups, his failed relationships, all of the bad things. But I barely knew anything about him, really. Other than his record of terrible decision-making.
“I can’t answer that, Lucah. We don’t need to talk about it right now, okay? Let’s just take one moment at a time. Do you want me to call Tate?” Lucah nodded and put his head in his hands.
I took my hand from his, and it felt awful, as if I was abandoning him, but I needed to call Tate without Lucah overhearing. I stood just outside the disgustingly cheery room and called. April answered, and I could hear the girls chattering in the background.
“Hi, April, this is Rory. Um, I don’t know how to say this, but I’m at Mass Gen with Lucah, and Ryder’s here, and he overdosed on pills. They’re not sure what happened exactly, but he’s here and we’re with him.” I tried to go on, but April gasped.