“No.” He held onto her hand and squeezed tight. “No. I was a mess when I came home. I haven’t even thought all this through until now. But I was jet-lagged, worried about my mother, and I’d agreed to this life change all in one night. I wasn’t thinking clearly about anything except about not wanting to hurt you. So I pulled away.”
“How noble.”
He paused. Only the clock ticking loudly from the wall behind them broke the silence, but she wasn’t about to make it easier.
He cleared his throat. “But I couldn’t keep my distance. Every time we went near each other, things exploded. Not just sexually but emotionally. In here.” He pointed to his chest. “And I knew I couldn’t be with anyone else.” He raised his head and his stare locked on hers. “Not ever again.”
“Don’t.” She shook her head, finding it hard to speak, the pain lodged in her throat and chest, overwhelming. “Don’t say all the right things in an attempt to make this okay when it isn’t. It can’t be. So you chose me,” she said, trying to regain the thread of conversation without emotion getting in the way. “Because the attraction was so strong. And what happened to that caring you spoke about?”
“It turned into love.”
Her breath caught in her throat. But as badly as she wanted to believe, she also was facing the truth. “The perfect words to convince me to marry you and give your mother the grandchild she wants.”
“The words I’ve never said to anyone before. Words I wouldn’t say unless I meant them.” And he did. But Roman knew she wouldn’t believe him. She’d heard him out; however her conclusions weren’t based on his emotions, but the cold, hard facts.
What irony, he thought. As a journalist, he lived and died by the facts. Now he wanted Charlotte to throw away those facts and invest her future happiness on the intangible. He wanted her to believe in him. In his word. No matter that the facts pointed in the opposite direction.
She pulled her hand back and held her head in her hands. He waited, giving her time to think and regain her composure. When she glanced up, he didn’t like the cool look in her eyes or the taut expression on her face.
“Tell me something. Did you plan to leave me behind in Yorkshire Falls while you went back to your beloved job?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know what I planned except that I want like hell to make it work. I’ve had a job offer from the Washington Post that would keep me based in D.C. I thought I could go check it out—we could go check it out,” he said, inspired by the sudden idea. “And together we’d come up with a livable working arrangement.” His heart pounded in his chest as he realized just how much he wanted that.
The fear he’d experienced earlier over changing his lifestyle was gone, replaced by a new and much more credible fear—of losing Charlotte forever. At the thought, he broke into a cold sweat.
Sad green eyes met his. “A livable working arrangement,” she repeated. “In the name of love or in the name of the lost coin toss?”
He narrowed his gaze, hurt despite it all. “You shouldn’t have to ask.”
“Well, forgive me, but I do.” She leaned back and folded her hands in her lap.
He leaned closer, getting into her personal space, inhaling her scent. He was irrationally angry at Charlotte for not trusting him, though he hadn’t done anything to earn her trust. He was also furious at himself and ridiculously aroused all at the same time.
“I’m going to say this once.” He’d already thought it through in his head when talking to Chase. “The coin toss led me to you. It was the catalyst for everything that’s happened since. But the only reason I’m here with you now is love.”
She blinked. A lone tear trickled down her face. On impulse, he caught it with the tip of his finger and tasted the salty water with his tongue. He’d tasted her pain. Now he wanted to make it go away. She was softening. He could feel it and he held his breath while he waited for her reply.
“How will I ever know?” she asked, taking him off guard. “How will I ever know if you’re with me because you want to be, or you’re with me because you promised your brothers you’d be the one who gave your mother a grandchild?” She shook her head. “This whole town knows Chandler family loyalty is strong. Chase is the prime example, and you’re following his lead.”
“I’m proud of my big brother. It’s not a bad lead to follow. Especially if it takes me in the right direction.” There wasn’t anything more he could say. He’d already told her he was only going to state his case once. Nothing he said now would change her mind unless she wanted to believe.
“Take a chance on me, Charlotte. Take a chance with me.” He held out his hand. His future stretched before him—would it be full or as empty as his palm was now?
His guts shook with real fear as he watched her clench her fists tight. She couldn’t even meet him halfway.
“I . . . I can’t. You want me to trust while I know damn well you Chandlers are confirmed bachelors. None of you wanted commitment. You had to toss a coin to decide who’d have to give up his life for the family this time.” She rose to her feet. “And I can’t even claim to be a prize you won, but a penalty for losing everything you held dear.”
She’d put up walls he doubted he could breach. At least not now. He stood and grabbed her hand one last time. “I’m not your father.”
“From where I stand, I don’t see much difference.”
And that was the problem, he thought. She couldn’t see past her family’s troubled history. She was obviously afraid. Afraid of repeating her mother’s life, her mother’s mistakes. He’d damn Annie and Russell to hell and back, only he couldn’t blame them any longer. Charlotte was a grown woman capable of seeing the truth and making her own decisions.
The urge to pull her into his arms was strong, but he doubted it would do any good. “I never figured you for a coward.”
She narrowed her gaze and glared at him. “You’re an equal disappointment.” She pivoted and ran from the kitchen, leaving him behind.
“Son of a bitch.” Roman walked into the outer room and kicked the first garbage can he saw across the room. The heavy metal clunked across the floor and hit the wall with a dull bang.
“I take it things didn’t go well.” Chase met him at the bottom of the steps that led to his upstairs office.