“Things about losing the babies?”
“Mmm-hmm. He resented the B and B mostly because I put it between us because I didn’t want to face the pain over our loss. When Nick put it out there and made me face it, everything changed. I’m able to talk about it now without shutting him down, and he’s able to accept this place. Or at least he’s trying to, which is all I ever wanted. He’s even helping me out here. Like it’s ours!”
Sara felt herself smiling. “You sound so happy, and I’m thrilled for you! What about counseling? Are you still going?”
“Believe it or not, now that we’re communicating, it helps us compromise on different things. It’s work, but it’s so worth it.”
Sara had heard those words a few days before, when she’d visited with her father. Marriage and commitment take work. I was willing to do the work. Your mother wasn’t.
Now Angel was repeating them, too. She and Nick were compromising—working—to make their marriage succeed. Because she obviously felt what she and Nick shared was worth the effort. Rafe had done the work. He’d shown her he was willing to meet her halfway and fight her demons, but she’d been the one to bail. Like her mother. And that wasn’t the person she wanted to emulate, let alone be.
Nothing is impossible… Not if what you and this man share is worth the effort.
“Sara, are you still there?” Angel asked.
“Sorry, I got lost in thought,” Sara admitted. “I’m here.”
“Okay. Well, I have to get going, but keep in touch, okay?”
“I will.”
“Umm…and Sara? You didn’t ask, and I swore I wasn’t going to say anything, but Nick tells me Rafe’s miserable without you. Gotta go. Bye.”
“Bye.” Sara stared at the phone in her hand.
She was miserable, too, and she wanted nothing more than to show up on Rafe’s doorstep, but she couldn’t make that move. Not until she’d tied up the remaining loose ends hanging over her. She needed to know what she was dealing with physically.
Another MRI, sets of X-rays and a doctor’s appointment merely confirmed what Sara already knew. Although she had already regained some mobility and would get some more over time, thanks to the scar tissue and beginnings of arthritis in the joint, she’d never pass the NYPD physical that would have enabled her to return. She hadn’t needed the confirmation to tell her what she wanted to do next. She’d already made up her mind.
Somewhere between her stay at a small B and B in upstate New York and falling in love with Rafe and his big, welcoming family, Sara’s dream of being a New York City cop had morphed into something different. Something she couldn’t have imagined wanting, let alone yearning for, a few weeks ago.
Sara wanted out of Manhattan and the big-town anonymity she thought she’d enjoyed. She wanted to trade big-city law enforcement for the small-town equivalent, spending her time helping people she knew and cared about as opposed to protecting the anonymous many she didn’t. Even if she had been miraculously cleared for duty in Manhattan, she’d already decided her days there were over.
What she didn’t know, couldn’t yet know, was which small town would become her new home. The answer depended on Rafe and his ability to first forgive and then to compromise. Because she couldn’t imagine living in Hidden Falls, surrounded by his family, without him.
CLEARED FOR ACTIVE DUTY.
The words should have been a welcome relief, but lately Rafe didn’t give a damn about much of anything. He was going through the motions of his life, and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it. He finally understood why he’d found his brother drinking at Billy’s Bar all those weeks ago. Rafe would be there himself now if he wasn’t in Manhattan. The bars here were too crowded for him to find the peace and solitude he was looking for.
He sat down with an open carton of Chinese food and began to sort through his mail when a knock sounded at his door. He wasn’t expecting anyone, and he barely knew his neighbors. He sure as hell wasn’t in the mood for company.
When the knocking grew louder, he shoved the carton aside and walked to the door. Looking through the peephole, he was shocked to see Sara on the other side.
He opened the door warily. “Hi.”
“Hi.” She smiled.
He braced his hands on the door and the frame. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
She drew a deep breath, obviously not sure of her welcome. “I was hoping we could talk.”
He inclined his head, unwilling to give until he knew why she had come. “So talk.”
“Right here?” As she looked around, taking in the dark, dank hall, her ponytail swished from side to side.
Already his fingers itched to wrap around the soft strands and pull her close. He clenched his hands into tight fists instead.
“Right here,” he confirmed. She’d already left an indelible imprint on his vacation home.
He had memories of their time together, and he wasn’t just imagining what her skin felt like—he knew. He had dreams of her in his sleep and visions while he was awake. His apartment was the only place he could look around and not see Sara. He’d like to keep it that way.
“Fine. How have you been?” she asked.
“Just swell. You?”
She shrugged. A delicate lift of her shoulders that sent ruffles around her collar shimmying. He couldn’t stop staring, wondering what she was doing here and ordering himself unsuccessfully not to care.
“I’ve been keeping busy. I testified against Morley,” she said.
“I heard.” The captain assumed he still wanted to be kept in the loop, and since Rafe had no desire to broadcast his personal life to his superior, he’d shut up and listened.
“And I heard you’ve been cleared to return to active duty. I’m glad.”
“Thanks.” He swallowed hard. “I understand you weren’t as lucky.” He knew what her career as an NYPD officer meant to her. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s funny, but I’m not. I once thought losing my career meant losing myself.” She slid her hands into her front jean pockets. “And now I don’t.”
He knew he shouldn’t ask, just as he knew he would. “Why not? What changed?”
What had shifted in her mind? In her life? Sure, she’d said she felt selfish after realizing what Angel had lost was nothing compared to her career, but that was before Sara knew for sure she wouldn’t pass the physical to return.