His fist was clenching and unclenching against his knee, as if remembering every blow. He looked down at it, staring at it as if it was somehow to blame. “I guess I had,” he murmured. “Erica and I were his real family. And he loved her so much.”
“You didn’t know,” she whispered, her heart breaking for him.
“But I should have.” He lifted his head, pinning her down with his stare. “I should have seen it. I should have known he wouldn’t touch her. He hated her. Everyone did but me. I wised up and split with Nicole a few days later, but it was too late. He was gone. I sent him away and he joined the Marines soon after our fight. I wanted to write to him so many times, but I didn’t.”
She wanted so much to hold him. Draw him against her bosom and just cradle him close, stroke his hair, soothe him. But he was still so tense. “But they’re married now,” she offered. “So it couldn’t have been that bad.”
“Maybe,” he allowed. “But it wouldn’t have happened if not for pure coincidence. He was walking down a desert road with a killer hangover and a few bruises, and she found him. Brought him home with her. Fate gave them a second chance. Not me.” Finally, he met her eyes. The struggle in his had been replaced by something she thought might be relief—and again that plea for understanding that she’d seen so often before. Had Nicole understood him so little? “Not everyone gets a second chance handed to them. I want to make my own. Do what I want, not what someone else wants for me.”
What someone else wants for me. Like a family. A future together, with three children that weren’t even his own.
In that moment, she was tempted to run away again. Protect her heart from his inevitable departure. But if she did that, she’d be shutting him out of her life the same way she’d shut everyone out of her life when she’d turtled up and turned into a protective Mama Bear. So she leaned her head against his shoulder, offering the comfort of her closeness if she could give nothing else.
“Anything can be forgiven, Thomas. If they hated you, they wouldn’t talk to you at all. Do they talk to you?”
“Yeah. Of course.” He leaned into her. His warmth wrapped around her. “But I still feel guilty as hell. I love them so much.”
And I might be falling in love with you. She bit her tongue, swallowing the words back. How could she fall in love with him when she knew their time was limited? And how could she even think about love when he constantly held himself distant from her?
Tonight had been a start, but that’s all it was. In a few days, he’d be gone. And she’d be alone. Again.
Chapter Twelve
On Thursday afternoon, creeping even closer to Thomas’s scheduled departure date from Vegas, Brianna sat beside Cody on the living room floor. His new Transformer and the instructions were spread across the carpet. Brianna squinted at the paper. Cody had earned the toy by spending Sunday helping Thomas clean out the rain gutters. When he’d first gotten it, Cody had been so excited he hadn’t even tried to transform it. It had taken a few days for the glamor to wear off, and now he wanted to make Optimus into a truck.
Unfortunately, Optimus had about six million moving parts, and the instructions were either in Chinese or Sanskrit. Or maybe it was just that it wasn’t possible within the laws of physics to turn a robot’s arm that way.
She twisted it anyway. It snapped in half. She cringed and dropped the useless thing on the floor. “I don’t think I can do this.”
“I think you turned it the wrong way.” Cody picked up the instructions and studied them. “Girls don’t get Transformers. When’s Thomas going to get here? I bet he could do it.”
She ground her teeth together. “Girls get Transformers. Girls get a lot of things boys don’t. Like how certain boys might want to watch their mouths if they ever want to see dessert again.”
He flushed and ducked his head. “Sorry, Mom.”
Brianna smiled and ruffled his hair. “It’s okay. Thomas will be here soon. He’s just taking care of a little paperwork.”
Paperwork that would finalize their business arrangement together. Brianna had been driving herself half crazy with worry. Afraid that once Thomas got her signature on the contract, their entire attempt at figuring out if they could be something would crumble at their feet. Afraid his boss would find out he’d been sleeping with their client and not only pull the contract but pursue some kind of legal action against Thomas.
Almost as afraid as she was that he would be sent back to California now that they’d finished their negotiations.
A truck engine revved outside. Cody’s head snapped up. “That’s him.”
He tumbled to his feet, grabbed the instructions, and ran for the door. Brianna followed more slowly. Cody ran across the yard to Thomas’s truck, holding up the toy and the instructions. Brianna couldn’t look away. She never thought she’d accept another man in her life, let alone with her kids. Yet here they were, Cody’s eyes bright and shining as he looked up at Thomas with utter trust.
He had to stay. She needed him to want to stay.
“Can you help me transform Optimus?” Cody said. “Mom can’t do it.”
“She can’t?” Thomas took the paper and studied it. “I bet she could. Your mom’s a smart businesswoman.”
“That’s true, but I can’t read Chinese,” she said.
“I’m pretty sure that’s Korean.”
“Well, then, I can’t read that, either.” She rose up on tiptoe and gave him a light kiss. “How did it go? Are we officially business partners?”
“Yes.” His arm slid around her waist, and he pulled her close. “We are.”
She wanted to ask him if he would be staying in Vegas or leaving, but the words wouldn’t form. What if he said no? What if he was leaving? Her chest squeezed tight, stealing away her ability to breathe. She didn’t want to face reality. Not yet. If nothing else, she could wait until after dinner to ask him.
He jostled her shoulder. “You in there? You’re being awfully quiet.”
“Yeah. I’m just thinking.”
His brow furrowed, and his eyes met hers. She saw the same uncertainty she felt echoed in his eyes. “About what?”
“Hello?” Cody tapped his arm. “Are you going to help me or what?”
“Oh. Yeah, of course.” Thomas ruffled the boy’s hair, but his eyes remained on her. “Come on.”