What an idiot he'd been. Because Anna had never been a game, not from that first second he'd seen her across a crowded room.
She'd always been perfection.
And pure love.
But he'd been scared of feeling so much, so fast. He'd thought he needed freedom, only to find out too late that freedom was the biggest lie of all. Freedom was nothing but missing her already, even while she was here in his arms. Freedom was nothing but wishing he'd had a f**king clue what he'd had when she was his.
He reached up for her hands again, couldn't stand not holding onto her, but when he placed his palms over hers, she flinched.
Cole bowed his head.
And grieved. For the woman he'd lost.
Because even though she was right there with him, the truth was that she was already gone.
And still, he couldn't let go, had to hold onto her as their bodies drove towards a completion that they simply couldn't fight.
A droplet of liquid fell from his face onto hers and she opened her eyes.
Cole didn't remember crying as a child at the loss of his parents. He hadn't cried when his grandmother had told him she was dying. He'd thought he was too strong to ever break.
How wrong he'd been.
"I love you, Anna. Forever."
At the same time as he made his vow to her with words, he made it with his body, driving up into the spot that was guaranteed to send them both over the edge.
But even as her ocean eyes swirled from green to a dark blue, even as she cried out against him, even as he made sure that she was connected to him in the most elemental of ways...Cole had never felt more separated from her.
She was giving him her body as openly as ever, but even as she'd let him kiss her, touch her, even as she'd cried out with pleasure beneath him, she was holding back the most important thing of all.
Not the love that he knew she still felt for him. No matter how well she thought she'd
"learned" how to be sensual, it was love that made her respond to him.
But she didn't trust him anymore.
And losing the trust of the sweet, innocent woman he'd propositioned in a Las Vegas club was by far the hardest hit Cole had ever taken.
Big enough that he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to play the game again.
His grandmother's words came at him as if she were there in the room with them. "Can't you see your entire future is Anna? Don't throw it all away. You've fought before. Fight again.
Fight like hell to fix what you've done wrong."
"Please, Anna," he said, their bodies still connected, "please give me another chance. I know you deserve a man who hasn't lied, cheated, and stolen. I know you deserve a man who doesn't break bones for a living. But Anna, can't you see that I'm the man who's in love with you? I'm the man who will do every single thing he can to make you happy for the rest of your life. I'm so damn sorry for every mistake I've ever made. But especially this mistake. Because hurting you is the worst thing I've ever done. The stupidest. Please give me the chance to prove to you that I can love you right this time. Please give me the chance to prove to you that I'm not going to blow it."
"Why should I?"
She was angry now and he could feel the tension thrumming through her, through muscle and bone and skin covered in sweat from both their bodies.
"I gave you the chance to love me. I gave you the chance to be a real husband to me. I trusted you, Cole. And you still hurt me. You still did the one thing you knew would tear us apart.
You made sure it would happen. You taught me more than pleasure. You taught me how to close down my heart. How to protect myself from pain. You taught me how dangerous it is to trust."
Her br**sts rasped across his chest as she finally let go of the anger she'd been holding inside, her hands fisted on him as if she wanted to beat him off her.
"You've already had every chance in the world to love me right. So why the hell do you think I would possibly give you another?"
Fight. He needed to keep fighting. For love.
For Anna.
"Because you're brave enough to trust me. Because you're brave enough to know the truth when you finally hear it."
She blinked and he could see droplets on her eyelashes. "Whatever you think you saw in me, it wasn't bravery. It was stupidity."
"No, baby, no more lies."
Still hard inside her despite his climax, he shifted her closer with his hands on her hips, and heard her gasp.
But she didn't pull away.
It wasn't much. It wasn't forgiveness or redemption, but it was something.
And he'd take any little bit of hope he could get.
"People have been running from me my whole life. I've got scary down to an art form.
But you--you've never run." Her eyes widened with surprise. "You've never let me scare you away." He still held her close, their bodies still connected in the most intimate way possible.
"Don't let me scare you, sweet girl. Not when telling Ty those things was just a stupid act, just me trying to pretend I was too tough to fall in love. Not when you're the bravest person I've ever met."
He could barely breathe, the blood rushing in his ears making it hard for him to hear himself say, "Be brave for me, sweetheart."
Chapter Twenty-Three
Anna's family crowded the VIP box, along with her friend Virginia. She'd asked them to come and even though she could see they didn't understand why she was here at Cole's game, they came.
She didn't understand it, either.
All she'd known was that she needed to do this, needed to prove to herself that she really was brave. Cole had said the words to her again and again, but believing it for herself was something else entirely.
Last night, after their crazy floor-sex, he'd gone back to his house. And she'd been so lonely she was surprised she'd survived the night.
Since graduating from college, she'd lived alone. She'd liked the silence, enjoyed reading or listening to whatever music she wanted. Sure, she'd sometimes longed for a partner to share her life with--more as the years went by--but she'd never once felt lonely.
Not until Cole had gone.
Cole had only been in her house twice, but she could feel him everywhere. She'd never look at the entry the same way again, or the kitchen where he'd picked her up and carried her the afternoon after their wedding. And her bedroom...well, she simply couldn't go in there. So she'd slept on the couch.
And wondered all night about Cole.
If he was sleeping.
Or if he was as tormented by loneliness, by desire, by regret as she was.
If he was barely able to keep himself from grabbing his car keys and coming back, just as she was.
If he dialed her number dozens of times, hanging up before the seventh digit each time, like she had.