Logan took us to Chipotle. Cleo and I chatted through ordering and food making. Zadie stayed removed and sulking.
During that time, I put on a brave face but I did it realizing that I’d been so anxious about meeting the girls, I hadn’t thought of something just as important. That being when dinner was done, it meant Logan and the girls were going to his RV and I wouldn’t see him again until the next day. We wouldn’t make love. I wouldn’t sleep beside him. I wouldn’t wake up beside him.
And in realizing this, I decided it was totally not too soon for us to move in together.
It was too soon for him to push too much with the girls (way too soon for Zadie).
But I didn’t want him to be gone and be alone again.
Mostly I just didn’t want him to be gone.
Sure, I had Chief and Poem now but they had no clue who I was. Essentially, I was the stranger who put food down for them.
I needed Logan.
And even if it was only three nights, I was going to miss him.
We got our food takeaway, Logan instructing them to put my burrito in a separate bag, and he headed us to my house.
When he got the truck in the courtyard, he turned to the girls.
“Stay here. I’ll be back,” he ordered.
I turned to them too. “I’m sorry the night didn’t go as planned. But however it went, honestly, it was a pleasure to meet you both.”
Zadie gave me a glare.
Cleo replied, “You too, Millie. See you later.”
I grinned at them, even though Zadie continued glaring through my grin. I got out and Logan grabbed my burrito bag and got out with me. He also came in with me after I opened the door.
He waited for me to unarm the alarm before he pulled me in front of the cupboards where the girls couldn’t see us through any windows and dropped the burrito bag on the counter. Then he tugged me into his arms.
“Shit night,” he muttered. “Sorry, baby.”
I slid my arms around him. “It wasn’t like we didn’t know it was gonna be a rough ride.”
“Didn’t think it’d be that rough.”
I didn’t either but in order to give Zadie a fighting chance, I lied for her.
“You were in the Dad Zone so I didn’t want to intervene, but honestly, Snooks, it was probably an accident.”
“It wasn’t an accident,” he returned. “She’d been bitchin’ about havin’ to go to dinner with you, us goin’ someplace we went as a family, since I picked them up from school. I knew she was gearin’ up to do somethin’ stupid. I didn’t know it would be that stupid. And we got a rule. They don’t do much that ticks me off. But they’re doin’ something like that, I let ’em know and they know exactly how I let ’em know. If they don’t quit doin’ it, there are consequences. Just sucks we all gotta eat cold burritos and I gotta leave you a lot sooner than I wanted.”
He was going to miss me too.
It felt funny that it would be the case, but that made me feel better.
“Perhaps we shouldn’t have picked the Spaghetti Factory,” I remarked.
“It’s her favorite restaurant, which is why I picked it. Tryin’ to get her in a good mood. But, Millie, she can’t mark every joint in town we been to with her mom as a sacred place. There’s new memories to make and she’s gotta get her head outta her ass and make ’em.”
“Maybe tomorrow will be better,” I suggested, even though I seriously doubted it would.
“Maybe,” he muttered. Then, “Gotta go, babe. Gotta feed my kids.”
I nodded even if I didn’t want to. I wanted to hold on and not let go.
But his girls were in the truck and their food was there too. It was getting late and we all needed to eat.
So I rolled up on my toes, but before I kissed him, I whispered, “Do me a favor and text me when you get back safe and you’re settled in.”
“Would do that anyway, babe.”
I smiled at him.
He gave me an eye-smile back and a squeeze and dipped his head to lay a hard, deep, short kiss on me.
When it was over, he let me go and I walked him to the door.
He was through it when he turned back to me and ordered, “I’m not here, boys are on duty, but arm the alarm anyway. Hear?”
I tried not to give him an annoyed look. “I always do.”
“Good,” he muttered, leaned in, lifting a hand to curl around the side of my neck and touched his mouth to mine.
He then walked away.
I wanted to give Zadie the relief of seeing the back of me (for the night) but I didn’t think that was the right thing to do. Further, I needed both the girls to know how much their father meant to me. I also wanted them to know I wanted them to mean something to me.
So I stood in the door and waved as Logan turned around.
I saw him do a chin lift. I saw Cleo (now in the front seat) give me a short return wave.
I also saw Zadie ignore me entirely.
They disappeared and I closed and locked the door and armed the alarm.
Then I turned to my house, my beautiful, perfect, empty house that was glowing charmingly with lamps lit here and there.
It suddenly didn’t seem so perfect.
On that thought, Poem came running in, Chief chasing her. They were on a direct trajectory to slamming into the back of the couch and they tried to put the brakes on, skidded and slid until they hit the rug where they rolled and disappeared under the couch.
Slowly I smiled.
Then I burst out laughing, grabbed my burrito, and went to the cupboard with my wineglasses to pour myself some wine.
* * *