“Hell no.” He cut a piece of meat and popped it in his mouth. “But since you haven’t been in love, you can’t say what you’d do.”
“And you—the man who has never been in love—are an expert?”
“I’ve seen what love does to people. It makes them forget all the reasons they shouldn’t be with someone, until only one thing is left—why they should be with them. It turns smart men stupid and makes a man forget everything in life but being with that one woman.”
Like what happened to her mother.
She cut her meat but felt like she would never be able to swallow past the panic in her throat. He’d just described her. Hell, she was sitting at the table half naked because he’d suggested he would like it. If that wasn’t stupid, she didn’t know what was.
By his description, she was in love with him. She snorted out loud, earning herself a weird look from him. She cleared her throat in an attempt to make it look like she choked or something. “Sorry. I’m fine now.”
His expression suggested that he clearly doubted her sanity, but he returned to eating. She did the same, but couldn’t stop staring at him. Scared of his answer, she’d been trying to avoid asking him a certain question, but she couldn’t hold back any longer. “So you don’t want to ever get married?”
“I’m already married.”
“Oh, please.” She waved a hand. “I don’t count.”
His eyes flashed. “The hell you don’t. You’re my f**king wife in every way that counts.”
The possessiveness in his voice sent a primal surge through her veins. He said that as if…as if he didn’t plan on ever letting her go. And somewhere deep down inside of her, buried beneath the independence and the goals, there was a part of her that liked this side of him. That wanted to be cherished and held and wanted.
That part of her had to be denied, starved, and killed.
She set down her fork and pulled her napkin from her lap. “Maybe I’d better go.”
He gripped his glass, his knuckles white. “I’m not some lovesick school boy you have to worry about falling for you.”
She flushed. He made it sound so far-fetched that she wondered if all of this was in her head—that he never even looked at her the way she thought he did, with hope and tenderness in his eyes. And if all his long, meaningful glances were in her imagination…then what did that say about her? “I didn’t say you would fall in love with me.”
He studied her from under his hooded lids, now totally relaxed against the back of his chair. As if he didn’t have a care in the world. “Don’t worry, we’re cool. I promise that you won’t have to worry about me chasing after you once you leave. And for the record, I don’t break my promises.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
He cocked a brow. “I thought I had.”
“I asked if you ever wanted to get married again after me. You didn’t answer.”
“I doubt it.” He popped a piece of roast beef in his mouth and chewed, as if considering his answer. “But maybe it’s a non-issue anyway. Maybe we should just stay married and scratch each other’s itches, knowing we won’t fall for each other. We could be a couple, but without the sloppy emotions. A modern day marriage of convenience.”
Did that sound so horrible? But the idyllic picture he kept trying to paint of what their marriage could be like wasn’t realistic. She’d dated men before. All of the guys in her past had been supportive of her dreams…in the beginning anyway. But once the I’m-with-a-Vegas-dancer bragging rights had worn off, they hadn’t been able to handle the realities of her profession.
Mike was different from all of those men in every way, and much more confident and open-minded than any of them, but she couldn’t believe he’d be any different once the honeymoon phase was over. He was just being too stubborn to see it. “So you would stay faithful to me, your not-real wife, and be fine with me being gone half of the time? Touring the country? Working until all hours of the night, every night? Not knowing who I was with?”
“Well, I…” He hesitated, seeming torn. “I don’t know.”
She nodded, appreciating his honesty. “Yeah, I figured as much.” She stood. “Look, Mike, no offense, but I’ve heard the promises before. The I trust you’s followed by the you can trust me’s. And neither turned out to be true.”
“Wait a damn minute.” He rose from his chair so fast that it fell backward on the floor, then caught her wrist, not letting her retreat. “If I actually, sincerely loved someone, I wouldn’t cheat on her. I wouldn’t even want to. I’ve seen it in my friends. They go from complete manwhores to faithful husbands without a second thought. I know it happens. When you love someone, you don’t want to hurt them. You want to make them happy. So, hell yeah, I would be faithful, if I loved my wife.”
She shook her head sadly. “But you don’t love me, Mike. And I don’t want you to. So why stay married? What’s the point?”
“There isn’t,” he said, his voice flat. He reached down and righted the chair he’d knocked over, then sat back down and settled his napkin in his lap. “There wouldn’t be. Which is why we aren’t going to do it. I was only teasing you.”
Teasing. Wow. Who was playing who now?
She sank into her chair and drank deeply from her wineglass. “We should just call it quits now. Separate and get our divorce or annulment or whatever the hell it is. Why are we playing this game? Why continue to spend time together knowing we aren’t going to keep at it? Why even get married at all?”
His eyes shut down. “Because we were drunk.”
“Bullshit,” she said, echoing his earlier reply to her. “Why didn’t you want to ever get married? There has to be a bigger reason besides not wanting it.”
“Fine, but mine is dark and ugly,” he gritted out. “I didn’t want to get married because my parents were happily dating for ten years but then they got married. After that, my father cheated on my mother and my mother fell apart. Buried her heartbreak in a bottle.”
He pushed his drink away and she swallowed hard. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s life. There’s no use in me being a pu**y over it.” He clenched his hands in his lap and looked up at her. “Dad left and my mom spent the rest of my teenaged years crying into her liquor telling me never to get married. Telling me her whole life ended because they got a scrap of paper that made their relationship legal.” He ran a hand through his hair. “That’s why I’ll never get married.”