Then she totally threw him when she suddenly reached out and started to undo the buttons on his dress shirt, with a sort of manic fervor. He had no idea what this was about, but he wanted no part of it. Something was going on, and they were going to talk about it, not bury those feelings behind sex.
He took her hands firmly and pulled them down by her hips, pinning them in place. “No.”
• • •
SHAWN wasn’t even sure what she was doing. She had just suddenly been overcome with the need to prove herself, to be independent, to be in charge of something because it felt like her whole life had suddenly skittered out of her control. Why did everyone else get to determine her future? Hell, her orgasms.
Feeling mutinous, she pulled a pout, ready to protest.
But Rhett shook his head and gave her a very unexpected crack on her backside. “No pouting, Shawn. You’re better than that. Pouting is for three-year-olds wanting a cookie.”
Maybe he had a point about the pouting. But she was not in the mood for submissive sex play. “You’re not my father.”
“No. I’m your husband. And I’m just trying to get you to see that you’re really much more amazing than you give yourself credit for being. If something is bothering you, tell me. None of this avoidance crap.”
This just wasn’t the way she had operated most of her adult life. She was used to wheedling with the men she dated and using a circular back-door approach to get what she wanted. Rhett despised that.
Which she could understand. But there was direct, then there was just being a dick. She didn’t feel like playing the game tonight, and he should know to back down.
“What I’m feeling is that my husband is an ass**le,” she said. The night had been too much. Clinton’s confession. Rhett’s lack of attentiveness. Her own guilt for frauding everyone and their mother. It was all just too much and she wanted, needed to lash out, irrational or not. “Stop treating me like a student whose behavior you need to correct.”
He studied her in that careful way he had. “If I say no or you say no, then the other one should respect that, right?”
She was not in the mood to have him speak carefully to her. She wanted to scream out her emotions, all these unexplained feelings, all this fear, and she wanted him to crack, to break down, and lose it like her. “Of course. But this is about you telling me I’m doing something wrong and I’m tired of it.”
“It’s called communication. When I left a wet towel on the floor, you made it pretty damn clear to me that I was in the wrong, and if I did it again there would be consequences. How is this any different?”
He had a point, but she wasn’t going to admit it. “Because I was pointing out something that is easy to fix and it’s not personal. You were correcting something about me.”
“Tomato, tomato. It’s all the same thing. It’s a matter of letting each other know how we feel so the other can respect it.”
“Well, I don’t feel like being told what to do tonight.” With that, Shawn picked up her swirly bridal gown and stomped off in the direction of the bedroom, tears in her eyes.
She was breaking down. She couldn’t do this. She didn’t want to feel inadequate.
“Where are you going?”
“To Paris to see the Eiffel Tower. Where do you think I’m going? To take my dress off.”
“Come back to the kitchen when you’re changed.”
“No!” she hurled over her shoulder. “I am not having sex with you tonight, so stick that in your libido and smoke it.” She wasn’t sure what that even meant, but it felt good to say it.
Going into her bedroom, she slammed the door shut behind her and locked it. It was a challenge to get the zipper down solo, but Shawn wrestled her way out of the dress while Rhett rattled the doorknob and said, in a very calm voice, “Open the door. Now.”
“No.”
“You’re being childish.”
“I am well aware of that, thank you very much! But I don’t give a shit.” Huffing and puffing, she yanked and shoved and peeled the body shaper until it finally gave way and her entire body let out a huge sigh of relief. All her hills sprang forth like an army of flesh unleashed on the enemy. Instantly her stomach felt less queasy.
Balling the torture chamber of spandex up, she threw it into the corner, where it landed in Coconut’s lap.
Naked, she was stepping into a pair of panties when the door flew open, wood splintering as Rhett broke the lock and shoved his way in with his shoulder. She jumped about three feet and almost fell over, given that she was one foot in, one foot out.
“Are you f**king crazy?” she shrieked at him. “You just broke the door!”
“I’m well aware of that,” he said, echoing her words. “But I refuse to be shut out until we discuss what is bothering you.”
Hurriedly pulling her panties up and into place, she tried to figure out what the hell to do now. She felt vulnerable, her literal nakedness exemplifying her emotions. “I can’t do this,” she admitted. “I don’t want to do this.”
“What this are you referring to? This discussion or something more than that?”
“I don’t know. I think all of it. I feel like everything is spiraling out of my control, that everyone else is dictating what happens in my life. First my father by leaving, then my mother by being a flake, then my grandfather for the stipulations in his will, now you. I need to be the one calling the shots for a change.”
“If you wanted to go straight to bed tonight, you could have just said that. I would never force you to have sex if you’re not in the mood. It was a long day.”
Was he deliberately misunderstanding her? Shawn crossed her arms over her br**sts and watched him unbutton his dress shirt and peel if off his shoulders. What the hell was he doing? “What are you doing?”
“Going to Paris to see the Eiffel Tower. Or undressing to go to bed.”
Okay, that had ass**le written all over it. And he called her passive-aggressive? “Why are you so afraid to let me have some control, Rhett? Why is it so important to you?”
He paused with his fingers on the zipper of his dress pants. “It’s just a sexual preference, Shawn. Don’t psychoanalyze me.”
“You called me a three-year-old.” Shawn turned her back on him to get herself a T-shirt out of the dresser.
He came up behind her and kissed the side of her neck. “I am not trying to control you. I told you I would be a model husband outside of bed, and I meant it. Just tell me what you need from me.”