His lips thinned, but he nodded.
“I want monogamy.”
“Damn straight. I’m not sharing you.”
“I’m taking about you being monogamous,” I said drily.
“That’s a given.” He cupped my face. “What else?”
“My hours are erratic. My job comes first.”
“I fit into your life before—I can do it again.”
I gripped his wrists. I could go on with the list of my wants, but what I needed at that moment was distance and some perspective. I needed some time to back up, catch my breath and my bearings, then I might be able to figure out the next best move to make. “I want you to turn off the damn shower and take me to dinner. I’m hungry.”
He laughed, but it sounded strained. “You always did get hungry after sex. Can we actually take the shower first?”
“No.” I leaned forward. “I want you to smell me on your skin for the next couple hours.”
Jax groaned. “You want to punish me.”
“Yep,” I agreed. “That, too.”
* * *
NICO SHOT ME a knowing look when Jax and I returned to Rossi’s. I stuck my tongue out at him.
We grabbed a table and ordered shiraz. I went with lasagna, Jax went with pollo alla cacciatora. While we waited for our food, I studied him, admiring the way the small candle on the table between us gilded him. He looked softer, more relaxed, his face impossibly more handsome.
He had the look of a well-fucked man, one who was sated and yet anticipating further pleasures ahead. I loved that I put that look on him, but I hated it, too. Because I wasn’t in danger just from the things he said; it was everything about him that made me vulnerable. The effect he had on me was in large part due to the effect I had on him.
I made him happy. Content. And it was difficult not to feel as if that made me special, even though I knew better.
“So Regina is your stepmom, right?” I asked, giving my mind something else to think about.
“Yeah.” He looked into his wineglass.
“How did that happen?” Would he mention Ian and open that door...?
“My mom died ten years ago.”
“Oh.” Seeing how he closed up alerted me—I’d touched on a painful subject. “I’m sorry to hear that, Jax.”
“Not as sorry as I was,” he muttered before gulping down his near-full glass in three swallows. He refilled, then looked at me. “Your mom looks great.”
I nodded. “She’s happy. Her kids are doing all right, business is good and she’s about to be a grandmother.”
“How’s Angelo dealing with impending fatherhood?”
“Good. It threw off his plans to open another Rossi’s, but that’s probably for the best. Denise—his wife—has a new business of her own, so I think it would’ve been a strain for them if they’d tried juggling two startups and a new marriage.”
“Do you like her?” he asked, his fingertips stroking up and down the stem of his glass.
“A lot. She’s great.” I looked at the party next to us, a family of four enthusiastically discussing how good their food was. “I thought I saw Allison at the fund-raiser last night. How are she and Ted doing?”
Honestly, I couldn’t care less about Jax’s cousin and his bitchy wife, but talking about Jax’s mom made me realize that he knew more about me than I did about him. Aside from his family members who made news because they were in office, I only knew Allison.
“They’re solid.” He took another drink. “She’s what he needs to run for mayor in the next election.”
“It’s good that she’s there for him.”
He snorted. “They barely talk to each other. But she knows how to work the press and she’s very active in his campaign planning. He made a good choice with her. She fits him the way Regina fits my dad.”
“I thought the political marriage/business partnership was a Hollywood stereotype.”
“No.” Jax reached over and lightly brushed the back of my hand. “You’ve got to be pragmatic about relationships. Marrying for love never works out well. My mom and dad were a love match and they made each other miserable. Now, Regina and Dad... They’ll do just fine. She knows how to play the game.”
“He seems like he genuinely cares for her.”
“After what he went through with my mom, she’s got to seem like a gift.” He took another drink, then leaned back as our food was served.
His change in mood was another warning. Talking about his mother didn’t seem to sit well with him. I’d have to be careful about approaching the topic. “Ian introduced them, right?”
“Which turned out to be really lucky for him, didn’t it?” he said with an edge in his voice.
“Because he called in the favor and got you? You can’t save him, Jax.”
“I wasn’t asked to.” He shrugged, his gaze hard. “I’m just supposed to keep Lei Yeung at bay. I can do that.”
Nico walked over with a steaming plate of pasta in hand. “Mind if I join you two?”
Jax pushed out the chair opposite him with his foot. “The more Rossis the merrier.”
Sadly, the more Rutledges the scarier. And that had shaped Jax into the man he was.
I played with that in my thoughts as Jax and Nico settled into the easy banter of men, reminding me of how effortlessly Jax fit into my life...and how uncomfortable I was with his.
Chapter 8
AFTER DINNER, JAX and I headed out to his rental. I paused before I slid into the passenger seat. “If I go back to the hotel with you, I’ll need you to take me back to Nico’s when he gets off work.”
Jax rested his arm on the open car door. “You won’t stay the night with me? I’d like you to.”
I did want to. And once, back in the day, I had dropped everything in my life for his visits and ended up resenting him for that. I may not have learned to stay away from him, but I’d still picked up a thing or two about having a healthier relationship. “I came here to spend time with my brother.”
His chest lifted and fell on a deep breath. “Fair enough. Can I schedule time for you to spend with me?”
We stood so close to each other, pressed into the space between the car and the door, but there was a gulf between us. I’d created it, but I still wished it didn’t have to be there. “When are you thinking?”
“Any night this week and next weekend for sure.”