She hadn’t gotten a look at him from her position on the bed. All she’d been able to see was his chest and the intricate tattoos on his upper body. She had no idea of his size, but he felt enormous as he pushed in farther, stretching her with every movement.
She wiggled, angling her lower body so she could take him deeper. It was instinctive to wrap her legs around his waist even though it wasn’t something Joel ever allowed. He preferred that she lay motionless while he did as he liked.
She shook off the fleeting memory, determined not to let it intrude here where it didn’t belong.
“How does it feel, Lauren?” Noah asked in a husky voice.
Her eyelids flickered and she looked up to meet his gaze, overwhelmed by the moment. The sheer magnitude of having these two men . . . worship her. They treated her like she was . . . precious.
“Why?” she whispered.
His brow crinkled in confusion. “Why what, honey?”
“Why me?”
He smoothed his fingers over her brow, easing the lines. Then he kissed her, long and sweet, until she knew nothing but the sensation of Liam deep inside her body and Noah deep inside her mouth.
“Because there can’t be anyone else for us,” Noah said as he pulled from her lips.
Liam’s hands slid underneath her ass, lifting as he pushed even deeper. He leaned over her, holding her close to his body before finally releasing her to plant his hands on the mattress on either side of her hips.
He thrust harder, and she closed her eyes, reaching for Noah again. Just wanting to touch him. With her other hand, she slid her fingers over the top of Liam’s hand where it rested on the bed. And she held on to them both while Liam continued to power into her body.
She knew he was holding back. There were stress lines on his face. His jaw was tight and his thrusts became more measured.
She smiled and reached up to touch his face.
“Don’t hold back, Liam. I want to see you when you come.”
He groaned and let out a long breath. “Oh God, baby, I wanted to make you come again. I didn’t want it to be over so soon. But you feel so damn good and I’ve waited so long for this.”
She put a finger to his mouth. “We have all night. Isn’t that what Noah said? We’ll do it all over again.”
He smiled when she turned the words back on him. Then he lowered himself even further as Noah pulled back, allowing him the room. Liam gathered her tightly in his arms and then flexed his hips, driving deep.
Faster and harder. He picked up speed and thrust more forcefully. He hugged her tighter, holding her so close she could barely breathe, but she’d never felt safer or more . . . loved.
Then he buried himself deep and remained there, his entire body quivering, his h*ps jerking spasmodically. He nuzzled into her neck and his breath exploded against her skin as he lay there panting softly.
Even as Liam covered her, completely possessing her, Noah’s hand found hers where it was sprawled away from Liam. And he curled his fingers around hers, stroking over her palm. Letting her know that he was there. With her. Just as Liam was.
She was touched beyond measure at the gesture. It was symbolic. A silent promise. Tears gathered in her eyes. Had she finally found what she’d searched for for so long?
Liam kissed her cheek and then the corner of her mouth before finally pushing himself upward so she no longer bore his weight. Then he carefully withdrew and stepped aside to discard the condom.
Her gaze immediately went to Noah. She wanted to give him that same pleasure. She wanted it for herself. Their gazes connected and he leaned in to kiss her again, almost as if offering her reassurance.
He crawled off the bed. She watched as he undressed, determined to get a better view of him than she had Liam. She propped herself up on her elbows so she was able to see.
The ripple of muscles was impressive. He wasn’t as thick or as large as Liam, but he was every bit as muscled and toned. Just different body structure and build. Damn but he was so very nice to look at.
When he got his pants off and tore off his boxers, she took his erection, mentally comparing him to Liam. Liam had certainly felt . . . huge. But Noah? Looked huge.
The two men stood at the edge of the bed, Liam’s gaze soft and satisfied while Noah’s glittered with hunger. She shivered, licking her lips in anticipation.
To her surprise, Noah reached for her, turning her over onto her belly. Her cheek brushed over the sheet and for a moment she was too stunned to react.
This wasn’t what she’d expected.
Unease stole over her. For a moment she was too muddled to even realize why she was gripped by such discomfort.
It was instinctive for her to be wary, and to fight. Her first instinct was to fight?
Noah’s hands slid up the backs of her legs and he kissed the cheek of her ass, and then the other, nipping playfully.
She tried to reason with herself. Tried to be calm. This was Noah. Noah would never hurt her.
But the position was a symbol of helplessness to her. And she hated that feeling above all others. She didn’t want to be scared when Noah made love to her.
Then he spread her thighs, and all reason fled. There was no fighting the surge of panic. Her throat swelled with it until she nearly choked.
His grip tightened and in her disoriented state, all she could process was that she was being held down. Pinned. Helpless.
“No!” she choked out around a sob.
Even as the word exploded into the quiet, she was already kicking. The hands left her and she rolled away, against the wall. She put her back to it and curled her knees protectively against her chest.
She put her head down until her forehead touched her knees. All her most vulnerable parts were covered. Her stomach and ribs. Her face was hidden.
Because she knew what happened when she said no. There was always instant retaliation. It was a testament to just how afraid she’d been that the word had even escaped her lips.
Chapter 15
NOAH stared down in horror—and shock—as Lauren curled herself into a protective ball and huddled as far away from him as she could on the bed.
Her back was to the wall. It was a practiced move. It gutted him that this was something she’d obviously had to do before.
He honest to God wanted to puke.
Liam started forward but Noah put his hand out. When Liam turned to glare at him, Noah shook his head.
“I did this,” Noah said in a low voice he doubted Lauren even heard.
“Goddamn it, Noah,” Liam bit out. “You heard what he did to her that last time. He put her on her belly so she couldn’t fight him off, and then he held her down and raped her. She told us she hated that position. What were you thinking?”
Noah closed his eyes. He understood Liam’s anger. Noah was furious with himself. But this wasn’t the time to hash it out with his friend. Not when Lauren was in a protective ball because she was afraid of being hurt.
He held up his finger to Liam and shook his head once more. Then he crawled onto the bed, his gut in knots.
He hesitated, his hand hovering over her shoulder, afraid to touch her. He couldn’t bear for her to flinch away. The idea that she was expecting pain and humiliation instead of the pleasure he’d so wanted to give her made him sick to his soul.
“Lauren,” he whispered. “Honey, look at me please. I’m not going to hurt you. I’d never hurt you.”
Gingerly, he let his hand rest on her shoulder. She tensed but she didn’t flinch away or recoil. Her hair completely hid what little of her face that would have been visible, and he pushed it back, trying anything to calm her panic.
Liam sat on the bed and scooted until he was opposite Noah. His hand shook when he lifted it to Lauren’s dark head. He rested it on the back of her head and let it glide down to her nape.
“Lauren?” Noah prompted again. “Will you please look at me?”
Gradually, she lifted her head from her knees. Liam smoothed her hair back with both hands. He pulled it away from her face and made gentle, repetitive motions as if he were forming a ponytail, but Noah knew he was soothing her much like he would a wounded animal.
When she lifted her gaze to meet his, her eyes were dull with embarrassment and the remnants of fear. It made his chest ache.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered hoarsely. “I just panicked. I couldn’t make it go away. I’m so sorry.”
Noah swallowed back the rage that threatened to explode out of him. Now wasn’t the time. He had to handle this just right or he’d never get her back. She’d never trust him. He couldn’t afford to f**k this up.
“Will you let me hold you?” he asked softly.
She hesitated a moment—the longest moment of Noah’s life—before she finally made a move toward him.
It was shaky and hesitant, but with Liam’s help, she uncurled herself and then got to her knees. But she didn’t launch herself into Noah’s arms. She simply knelt there, glancing anxiously at him.
“Come here, sweetheart,” he said, pulling her into his arms.
He gathered her nak*d body against his and wrapped as much of himself around her as he could get. He held her tightly against his heart, rocking back and forth as he kissed every inch of her face.
“You will not apologize to me for this,” he said fiercely. “It’s my goddamn fault and it’s me who needs to be on my knees in front of you begging you to forgive me and give me another chance. I’m so sorry, Lauren. I wouldn’t frighten you for the world. I’d do anything at all for you to never be afraid again.”
He kissed the top of her head, her hair. He couldn’t get enough of her. He wanted to absorb her right into his soul.
“Please look at me. Say something. Just as long as it’s not an apology.”
She lifted her head again and stared back at him, tears swimming in her eyes. His stomach plummeted. It felt like someone kicked him right in the balls. He certainly deserved it.
“Lauren, I’m sorry. Me. I ruined what was the most beautiful moment I’ve ever experienced. I ruined it for you. I ruined it for Liam. And I damn sure ruined it for me.”
“I was the one who let him back in,” she said painfully. “I was so determined to keep him out, to keep the past in the past and not let it intrude on tonight. I knew you wouldn’t hurt me, Noah. Please believe that. I never once thought that you would do anything I didn’t want. But even knowing that, panic took over and I couldn’t control what I did. My heart screamed that you would never hurt me and my mind just took over and shut me down.”
Noah positioned her so that she straddled his lap and he could look her in the eyes. He cupped her face, stroking her soft, sweet skin as he searched for just the right thing to say.
Fuck it all, but he didn’t know what to say. He could only be honest. He screwed up.
“Honey, you can not blame yourself for this. I did a stupid thing. It would be one thing if I hadn’t known what happened, but you told us. I just didn’t think. I wanted you so badly and I wanted to touch every inch of you. I wanted my hands and mouth on you and I wanted my dick inside you. And maybe in the back of my mind I thought I could replace those bad memories with good ones, that I could show you how it could be with someone who cares about you. It was arrogant and stupid of me. I was too caught up in the moment and I didn’t stop to think how it was affecting you. I’m sorry. I should have made damn sure you were with me every second of the way.”
She swallowed and her gaze went all shiny and wet again.
“I wanted all of that too.”
“I know you did,” he said gently. “I f**ked up. Not you.”
She leaned until her forehead met his. Her mouth was tantalizingly close, but he reined himself in, refusing to make a single move until she issued the invitation.
Then she wrapped her arms loosely around his neck. He put his own around her waist, resisting the urge to haul her up against him until neither of them could breathe.
“Guess we have a lot to learn about this threesome thing,” she breathed.
He smiled. “Yeah, honey, I guess we do. But you know what? We’ll figure it out. Together.”
She turned then, her gaze seeking Liam out. He was perched on the edge of the bed, his gaze intently focused on what was going on between Noah and Lauren.
She extended her hand to him and he readily took it.
Then she glanced back to Noah. “Are you both sure this is what you want? Me? Us? Together?”
“Damn straight,” Liam growled before Noah could respond.
Noah took more time, gauging the expression on Lauren’s face. He searched for reluctance or regret. Second thoughts. Anything to hint that she was looking for a way out.
He touched her cheek, rubbing his knuckle down to her jaw.
“I think the more important question is whether you’re sure this is what you want.”
She nodded solemnly. “It is. I am. Just be patient with me. I can’t promise not to freak out again. I don’t want to. I don’t want to give that bastard any power over me, but it doesn’t appear that I have a choice.”