“What’s happened to Nathan?” Swanny asked. “Talk to me, Shea. And listen. He wouldn’t want you to do this. He has people to help him. You can’t take this for him this time. Do you understand me? You’ll hurt him far more by doing this. You’re too weak to take this from him. Let him bear his own pain this time. I swear to you we’ll get him out. Do you hear me? Snap the f**k out of it and look at me, damn it!”
“Swanny, what the fuck?” P.J. demanded. “Get the hell away from her before I do it for you.”
Swanny ignored her and turned to Donovan. “Ask Sam what the hell just happened to Nathan. Do it. She’s taking his pain. She’s absorbing it just like she did before when he was being tortured. Only this time she doesn’t have the strength to do it.”
Fear grabbed Joe by the throat. Donovan went pale and he cupped his hand over the mouthpiece so the wind wouldn’t interfere.
“Sam, what the hell is happening in there? I need to know what’s going on with Nathan and I need to know yesterday. Our situation is critical.”
“Nathan’s down,” came Sam’s grim reply. “Took a knife to the side. Garrett’s trying to stop the bleeding now. We’re on our way with him now. What the f**k is going on with you?”
“Oh Christ,” Joe whispered. “How bad, Van? We need to know how bad.” He glanced at Shea as fear took a firmer hold. She’d give her life for Nathan. He knew it like he knew his own name. But Nathan’s life wouldn’t be worth shit without her, and her sacrifice wouldn’t mean a damn thing in the end. He couldn’t let this happen.
Instead of waiting for Donovan, Joe broke in. “You be honest with me, Sam. Tell me how bad it is. Shea’s in a bad way because she’s taking his pain and she’s bleeding heavily. It’s his injury that’s causing her bleeding. She’ll die because they’re connected and she thinks she has to save him. So you tell him to find his way to her and you make him tell her that he’s going to be goddamn fine. I don’t care if he’s lying or not. If we lose her, he’s lost to us anyway.”
“He’s not going to die,” Sam snarled. “You tell her that. You connect with her. Don’t you dare let her die. I’ll make sure Nathan knows what’s going on, but don’t you let her go in the meantime. You do whatever you have to do to keep her alive. Lie to her. I don’t care. Just get the job done.”
Joe dropped to his knees beside Shea and shoved Swanny aside. He lifted her head, holding her close, while P.J. put both hands over Shea’s side in an attempt to stop the bleeding. Donovan moved in with a med kit, and he and P.J. began to work on a pressure bandage while Joe focused his entire being on forging a connection with Shea.
NATHAN could tell whatever was being relayed to Sam wasn’t good and he cursed the fact that he’d lost his earpiece when Garrett converged on him to stop the bleeding. He knew he was right when his brothers and even the members of Steele’s team and Resnick regarded him with a mixture of fear and dread.
But what worried him more was that his pain was easing. The warmth he’d long ago associated with Shea spread through his veins, replacing the burn with soothing comfort.
And yet he couldn’t feel her. Not in the way he’d always been able to in the past. He could feel what she was doing for him and it made him furious. But it was as if there was some giant roadblock to Shea.
His stomach churned and his hands began to shake.
“Tell me, goddamn it,” he bit out. He wanted answers and he wanted them now.
He threw off Garrett’s hand and tried to get up, but Garrett hauled him back down and forcibly kept pressure on his wound. Dread mounted in Nathan’s chest until he could barely draw a breath.
“You go, Sam,” Resnick said hurriedly. “My men and I will stay behind to do cleanup. I’m going to have to call this in and let the chips fall where they may. I may be out of a job, but until they tell me otherwise, this is hugely classified and I can’t just leave things here for anyone to stumble over. But I promise you this. I’ll get answers before I call it in. We’ll make these f**kers talk so we know what the hell we’re dealing with.”
“And if they decide to silence you?” Sam asked.
Resnick’s face hardened. “My team is loyal to me. They take orders from me. I won’t go down without a fight, and if that’s the way this is going to play out, then I won’t remain silent. I’ll go public in a big way. I won’t let this happen to Shea again. Grace is still out there. I won’t let this happen to her.”
“I don’t like leaving you,” Sam said.
“You’re wasting time,” Resnick said impatiently. “You heard what Joe had to say. Your priority needs to be her and Nathan. Now get the hell out of here.”
“Someone tell me what the f**k is going on,” Nathan snarled. “Where’s Shea? What happened?”
“She’s taking your pain,” Garrett said quietly.
“Yeah, I know that much. Where is she? Why are you all looking at me like that? Why can’t I reach her?”
Sam knelt by Nathan’s side. “You have to talk to her, Nathan. And we have to get you to her as soon as possible. She’s bleeding heavily. She’s sensed that you were hurt but she’s out of it. She’s been out of it ever since Joe found her. He hasn’t been able to break through. You have to or we’re going to lose her. Do you understand me? She was in no condition to take this on, but she’s afraid you’re going to die. You have to convince her otherwise and break the connection before it kills her.”
All the blood left Nathan’s face. Fear knotted his gut and panic rolled over him like a tidal wave. No. Oh dear God, no. Not again. Never again. She’d taken more for him than she ever should have taken.
“Take me to her,” he demanded. This time when he pushed upward, Garrett didn’t stop him. Instead he and Ethan each got an arm and hauled him to his feet.
“You’re not going to like this, but we can move a hell of a lot faster if we just carry your ass,” Garrett said.
Without waiting for Nathan’s response, Ethan and Garrett hoisted him up and took off double time for the back exit, Steel and his team leading the way.
Shea. Baby, where are you? You have to talk to me. I’m okay. I’m not dying. It’s just a flesh wound. The knife didn’t go deep. Do you hear me? Shea, you have to listen to me. You have to break off. Somehow you’re connected to me even though you aren’t aware of what’s going on around you. It’s our bond. It’s unbreakable. No one can take that from us. But baby, I need you to break away. Please, you have to do this. For me. I can’t lose you, and you’re too weak to endure this. For once let me be strong for you. This wound is nothing. I wouldn’t lie to you about that. I’ll need a few stitches and I’ll be good as new.
He sucked in his breath. His heart felt near to bursting out of his chest. He had so much fear and he hated that he couldn’t find that pathway to her, couldn’t break through the wall of silence that seemed to shield her on all sides.
She was protecting herself. She’d erected the wall to keep the pain away and now he couldn’t break through.
Don’t do this. Please don’t do this, Shea. Let go of me. Let me take this for you. You’ve protected me for so long, baby. For once let someone else take care of you.
I love you. I love you so damn much. Come back to me.
CHAPTER 42
“WE can get Nathan patched up in Taos,” Ethan said. “But what about Shea? How the f**k do we explain identical stab wounds? I thought when she took pain and shit that the phantom wound disappeared quickly?”
They were still two klicks from the rendezvous point, but they were hustling over the terrain, like Nathan weighed nothing. Ethan and Garrett were easily keeping pace with Sam and the others.
“Want me and Dolphin to take over?” Cole called back to Garrett.
Garrett shook his head and kept moving. Nathan dragged himself from his concentration on Shea to answer Ethan’s question.
“She’ll heal. Or usually she would. It’s temporary. But now? I don’t know. Joe and Van said she was out of it. Unresponsive. I can’t reach her. Joe can’t reach her. It’s like she’s checked out but yet she sensed what happened to me, and her automatic reaction was to take the pain because she didn’t want me to suffer. She’s not strong enough to do that, and if I can’t get her to snap out of it, she’ll bleed to death.”
“We’re nearly there,” Sam said, his voice calm and reassuring. But that was Sam. Not much ruffled him. There was worry in his eyes, but he kept his cool, and right now Nathan appreciated that because he was damn close to losing his shit. One of them needed to remain calm.
“They’ve made it to the rendezvous,” Sam relayed to Nathan. “The chopper is there and waiting. We’ll split up. We’ll take you and Shea to Taos. The others can take the trucks and meet us there.”
“Shea?” Nathan asked fearfully.
Sam’s lips tightened. “No change.”
They all went silent and increased their pace. While Nathan couldn’t feel the pain, he could feel the effects of the stab wound. He was a little slower processing information. The ground seemed to move slower beneath him. Everything felt like some bad slow-motion replay.
And it pissed him off.
Not only was Shea bearing the brunt of her treatment, but now she was taking his pain.
Finally they burst through the trees where the helicopter waited. Garrett and Ethan eased Nathan down, and he strode forward, his hand cupped over his side. His entire focus was on Joe, who was standing by the helo holding Shea tightly to his chest. What scared him the most was the amount of blood that stained his brother’s clothing. And the way Shea lay so very limp in his arms.
“Get in,” Joe ordered.
When Nathan started to protest, Joe bared his teeth in a snarl. “Get the f**k in. I’ll hand her to you once you’re in and secure. I’m not going to lose either one of you, goddamn it.”
With Garrett’s help, Nathan crawled inside and propped himself on the far edge of the seat, where he could lean against the wall. Joe came in after, still holding Shea, and when he sat next to Nathan, he gently laid her in Nathan’s arms.
“You’ve got to stop her,” Joe said fiercely. “You’re going to lose her if you can’t get through to her, damn it.”
Nathan gathered Shea in his arms and pressed his lips to her cool forehead. Everything that mattered was in his arms. Dying, because she was hell-bent on saving him. Tears burned his eyelids and he bit his lip to hold them at bay as he silently begged her to come back to him.
I’m here, baby. Right here, holding you. I’m okay. Can you feel me, Shea? Can you feel how much I love you? Fight your way back to me. Do it for me. Do it for us. I want forever with you.
He stroked his fingers down the side of her face and followed them with gentle kisses. He completely ignored Donovan, who knelt in front of them and placed his hands over Shea’s side to slow the steady flow of blood.
Nathan pressed his forehead to hers. Feel me, Shea. Feel my love. Hear me. Come back to me. You’ve got to break away. You’ve got to give yourself a chance to heal. I can’t lose you, baby. You’re so determined to protect me and to save me. Then goddamn it, come back to me. I’m not dying and you’re damn sure not going to die for me. If you’re so determined to shield me, then you better goddamn well snap out of it because you’ll do a piss-poor job of it in your grave.
Nathan.
There it was. The faintest whisper in his mind, but he heard it. More than that, he felt it. His grip tightened around her and he could no longer hold back the tears.
I’m here, baby. I’m here. I’m okay. I swear it. I’ll be fine. Break off from me and talk to me out loud. You’re scaring the shit out of everyone. Give me back the pain, Shea. It’s time you let someone take care of you for a change.
She blinked. Just once, but the cloudiness left her eyes and she stared up at him in confusion as if she couldn’t quite comprehend that he was there.
“Nathan,” she whispered aloud.
“Yes, baby. It’s me,” he choked out. “Now let go. Let go and let yourself heal.”
She took a deep shuddering breath, her features creased with all the pain she’d been shouldering. And then just as quickly, fire licked up his side. It took everything he had not to react. To sit there like he didn’t feel a thing. He knew if he so much as flinched, that she’d be back, shielding him, taking it so he didn’t have to.
Donovan slid onto the seat beside him, and before Nathan realized what he was doing, he plunged a needle into his arm.
“Painkiller,” Donovan murmured low so only Nathan could hear. “I know it hurts, man, and I know you don’t want her to know. If you start to go out, I’ll take her.”