Haley savored the moment, closing her eyes, leaning her head back, and inhaling deeply. She allowed herself to just soak it all in and think of nothing other than the fast rhythmic tempo of her heart. He was a heartbreaker — she had no doubt about that — but she was just too satisfied, too relaxed to care about that right now.
Finally getting up, she showered quickly, eager for that cup of coffee. Finding his oversized robe, she wrapped it around her body, then followed her nose to the smell of rich brewed espresso.
Crew was sitting at the table reading the paper while he sipped on a steaming mug, and she joined him, preparing her cup before grabbing a warm cinnamon roll and taking a bite, sighing as the fresh cinnamon, sugar and melted butter dripped on her tongue.
“Let’s move your things in,” he said, not looking up from his newspaper.
Haley’s eyes bolted up, her bite turning to sawdust in her mouth. Was he speaking to her?
“Excuse me?” she managed to mumble after a strained pause.
“I want you to move out of your room and come stay with me,” he replied as he put the paper down, his eyes gazing steadily back at her.
How did she reply to this? She hadn’t known him long enough to stay in his suite. That was insane, wasn’t it?
“I, ah, don’t think that would be wise,” she replied, automatically lifting her cup and taking a fortifying sip of her coffee, hoping the caffeine would clear the cobwebs from her brain.
“I plan on spending every night with you anyway, so wouldn’t it be much easier to just have your items here? This is a resort, Haley. It’s not like I’m asking you to give up your house,” he said as if he were making the most logical statement ever.
“Well, I just like to have my space,” she murmured.
He paused for a moment, looking at her quizzically. “Where do you live, anyway?”
It was a perfectly rational question, but she’d seem pathetic if she told him the truth. Dread filled her that he might realize she was indeed pitiful, and then end what they had barely even started.
“It doesn’t matter. I think we’re fine the way we are. So, any good articles in your paper?” Maybe she could sidetrack him with a change of subject.
Her ploy didn’t work.
“Come on, Haley. Give me something,” he said, then leaned across the table and grasped her free hand. She took another sip of coffee, scalding her tongue slightly.
“I live in Seattle in an apartment,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper.
“That’s not so bad. Why are you hesitant to tell me?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t like to give out too much information about myself. I guess it’s from the years of having to be self-reliant. It’s difficult for me to share…” she trailed off.
Crew looked at her strangely, just as she’d expected him to. She was hard to understand. Heck, she couldn’t really understand herself. How was she supposed to explain it to him?
“Did you have any other family you could turn to? I know your grandparents should have been drawn and quartered for the way they treated you, but was there anyone else in your life at all?”
This was a subject that Haley absolutely hated speaking about. No. She hadn’t had anyone in her life but the servants at her grandparents’ place, and even those relationships had faltered over the years. She hated dwelling on how alone she truly was. She’d fantasized about being part of a large, loving family, but had given up on that dream years before. She didn’t want him to fully comprehend how messed up her life was. This sharing of her past and present wasn’t what she’d signed on for.
“I had some rough years with my grandparents, as you know. I have fought against all the doubts they instilled in me since I got away from that ‘home,’ but I tend to psych myself out about it all too often. Going to school has really helped, but at the end of the day when I look in the mirror, I still see this person whom nobody wanted. I promise it’s getting better, but I’ve just had to do whatever it takes to make it day by day. If I think too far ahead, I get overwhelmed, and that’s when I find myself start sinking within myself.” She held her breath, waiting for him to roll his eyes and give up on her. She was too crazy for a man like Crew, who had it all together.
Now he was going to know she was too much effort, and she’d never get the privilege of sleeping in his arms again. The thought was horribly depressing.
Crew’s gaze didn’t shift as he brought his cup up and took a sip.
“All the more reason for you to move in with me. You need to have someone take care of you. We’ll go pack your things after breakfast.” Treating the matter as closed, he set down the mug, picked his paper back up and started reading again.
Haley ran her hands through her hair and stared at the back of his newspaper. Was he the one who was insane? Why wasn’t he trying to delve deeper, get into her head, or just send her packing? If she knew she wasn’t completely together, why couldn’t he see it?
Yet wasn’t she overanalyzing this, and trying to seek out serpents in her temporary paradise? It wasn’t as if she couldn’t just move back out again when their relationship, or whatever this was called, ran its course. He hadn’t mentioned anything about her two-week vacation. Did he want her to stay longer? Doubtful.
It might be best to avoid reminding him that she was only here because she’d won a raffle. If she brought that up right now, he might snap out of this spell he seemed to be under and tell her that he’d personally pack her bags and get her to the airport to send her off. The thought of leaving him in a couple of days turned her stomach inside out.
With a sigh, she looked at her breakfast, the once delicious cinnamon roll now turning her stomach. There seemed no need to respond to Crew anymore, since he’d already made up his mind, and to tell the truth, she wanted to sleep by his side each night. At least for a while, she could pretend this was a normal relationship, and that this incredible man cherished her. A little fantasy would help her sleep on those nights when loneliness was eating her alive.
Making up her mind, she pushed away her plate and took small sips from her cup while she tried to convince herself that it was OK to seek enjoyment from life. It was OK to not worry about what tomorrow would bring. She’d see this through to the natural end, and she’d grow as a person. That was all she could ask of herself and Crew.
Chapter Twenty-One
A few days later, Haley felt obliged to tell Crew that her time was up. Her train ticket was for the next day, and though she didn’t want to leave, she needed to get back to the real world. She’d always believed that the word heartache was a metaphor, but there was no denying the physical pain in her chest as she stood in the bathroom and practiced her goodbye speech.
Would he ever think of her again? In time, would she get over him? She and Crew had been together only two weeks, but they were two glorious weeks, and she knew she’d never be the same.
That was all thanks to him, and to his wonderful lessons. Her gloom didn’t prevent a contented grin from spreading across her features when she thought of the magic he’d created within her. She now knew it wasn’t a sin to enjoy sex; it wasn’t a crime to feel like a woman.
Her grandparents had been so wrong in so many ways, and she wished they were still alive so she could confront them with their cruelty. Was it always wrong to think ill of the dead? They’d tried their hardest to destroy her, and they’d almost succeeded, so she didn’t think so in this case. As long as she didn’t descend into anger and bitterness, they wouldn’t control her from beyond the grave.
It was amazing how much could change within a person in such a short amount of time. She knew she had a long way to go before she’d be the person she wanted to be, but because of Crew, she was much closer than she’d ever been.
Taking a soothing breath, she gripped the doorknob and emerged from the warm bathroom. She could hear the crinkling of the paper as Crew turned the page. After closing her eyes for a moment to imprint everything to her memory, she moved forward.
No matter what, she wouldn’t cry. Why make him feel guilty about her pain? Everything he’d ever done was meant to help her feel better about herself.
He mumbled a good morning as she sat and poured herself a cup of coffee, and grabbed a chocolate croissant. With the churning in her stomach, she doubted she’d be able to eat, but it was such a habit now to sit at this small table while he read the paper and she nibbled on the goodies before her while downing a couple of cups of espresso.
“I was thinking of playing hooky today, Haley, and taking you out to see the Catalina Island Conservancy so you can see the bison. You told me last week that you wanted to do some exploring.”
Crew set down the paper to focus all of his attention on her. Normally, he finished reading first, then gave her his undivided attention. On the morning she had to tell him goodbye, his extra attention hurt even more. Could the man get any more perfect? Was he really as flawless as she’d made him in her mind, or was she just placing him on a pedestal?
There was no need to drag this out, so she plastered a fake smile on her face. “I really need to pack today. My train leaves early tomorrow,” she said, proud she’d been able to say the words without trembling.
Crew froze and his face lost all expression; his eyes bored into hers. After a few moments, he finally set his cup down.
“I don’t want you to leave.” It was simple and to the point and her heart began to swell in joy…but wait. Maybe he’s just saying that.
“I know, Crew. I’m having a wonderful time here, too, but the package I won was for only two weeks, and my time is up…” she said, her voice starting to crack just the slightest bit.
“Screw the contest. Are you happy being here with me?”
“Of course I am,” she replied with exasperation. It wasn’t about her happiness; it was about her time being up.
“Do you have a job to get back to?” She shook her head no. She’d quit to come on this trip.
“Aren’t you on break from school right now?” Again, he was correct, so she nodded.
“But, Crew —”
“I don’t see any reason for you to leave. I want you to stay. You want to be here, and you have no obligations calling you back to Seattle right now. Let’s cancel your return and go see the bison.”
She wanted that so badly, but…
“Look, Haley. Let’s not make this complicated, OK? We like each other. It’s still new and exciting, and I’m not asking you for forever, here. I’m asking you to give me a chance. Let’s have fun together, light the sheets on fire, and not throw this out the window just because of semantics.”
He rose from his chair and came around to her, kneeling in front of her and caressing her thighs. She couldn’t think when he touched her like this. She knew she should protest, just a little, but she’d suddenly forgotten why. And she wanted to be with him, wanted to feel his touch, sleep in his bed, hear his words of encouragement. She wanted to continue having the feelings of love and affection she felt while in his arms — whether hot and heavy in the bedroom or just cuddling on the beach. Was she asking for too much?