With her legs feeling as if they might not support her much longer, she conceded and walked over to lower herself onto the lounger. When he started to walk over to her, she shook her head. “You can say what you need to from over there.”
If he got any closer there was a good chance he would reach out and touch her. That was something she couldn’t allow to happen. If he did, she knew for certain she’d lose every ounce of her resolve.
She watched him take a deep breath. The movement of his rippling abdominal muscles sent a shaft of longing straight through her. Quickly averting her eyes, she concentrated on his suddenly serious expression.
“First of all, I want you to know that I’m not like your father, Lissa. I’m not driven to work every waking minute.” He shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my career and I’m good at what I do, but that’s just a part of my life. It’s not all that I am.”
“That isn’t the message you were sending the other night,” she interjected. “The way it sounded when you agreed to help with the congressional investigation, you couldn’t wait to get started.”
He nodded. “I know that’s the way it seemed, but I wasn’t taking the job because I couldn’t resist the chance to work. I took the job because I felt the need to run.”
It felt as if her heart shattered all over again and Melissa wondered how he thought his explanation was better than her assumption. “Y-you didn’t have to…go to those lengths to get away from me,” she said, hating that she could no longer keep her voice steady. “All you had to do was tell me you’d changed your mind.”
“No, Lissa, I wasn’t wanting to run from you,” he said softly. “I wanted to run from myself.”
Confused, she frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“Let me tell you a story that might help clear things up,” he said. She didn’t understand how that was going to make his explanation any clearer, but she could see from his expression that he thought it was very relevant. “When my mom and dad got married and he brought her to Rainbow Bend, she told him she loved living there. And who knows? Maybe she did for a while.”
“Who wouldn’t love living there?” she found herself asking.
“After a few winters of being stuck in the house with no way to get out of the valley for several weeks at a time, my mom found it intolerable.” He gave her a sad smile. “You know, I can’t remember a night when she was still with us that I didn’t lie awake listening to her beg my dad to sell the ranch or, later on, threaten to leave if he didn’t.”
“Oh, Shane, I’m sorry,” Melissa said. “That’s why you kept warning me about being snowbound, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “I wanted you to know up front what you were getting yourself into.”
“Your mother wasn’t from around here, was she?” she asked suddenly.
“No, she was from somewhere in Florida,” he said, looking puzzled. “But why does that matter?”
“Because she wasn’t used to the type of weather we have here.” Melissa wasn’t excusing the woman’s behavior, but she was certain the differences in climates had to have come as quite a shock. “I grew up here. I’m used to deep snows and the difficulties that poses to traveling. She wasn’t.”
Shane seemed to mull that over a moment before he nodded. “You might be right about that. But it doesn’t excuse her from leaving her husband and son and never looking back.”
“You never saw her again?”
“No. I was notified a few years ago that she had been killed in a car accident.”
Melissa could understand a child not seeing their mother due to death. Her own mother had died of cancer when she was two and she’d known Margaret Jarrod only through the pictures her father had kept. But how could a mother willingly walk away from her child and never contact him again?
“How old were you the last time you saw her?” she asked.
“Nine.” He met her gaze head-on, and she could tell that he was still haunted by the abandonment. “But I actually lost two parents that day.”
“But I thought your dad didn’t pass away until your last year of college,” she said, confused.
“His spirit was gone long before that,” Shane said, sighing heavily. “After he finally crawled out of the whiskey bottle and burned everything that hinted at a woman ever living in the house, he did two things for the rest of his life. He worked and slept. Beyond that, he didn’t have a lot of interest in life.”
With sudden clarity Melissa knew exactly why her father had turned into a workaholic. He’d been trying to fill the void left by his wife.
“Did your father leave a picture of her for you?” Her father hadn’t been able to get rid of anything that had belonged to her mother.
“No, I barely remember what she even looked like.” Shane shrugged. “But I made a vow that I’d never put myself in the position for the same thing to happen to me. I wasn’t going to give that kind of power over me to any woman.”
Afraid that his next revelation would be that he could never give her what she needed most—his love—she bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling a moment before she asked, “W-what does that have to do with you helping the senator?”
Shane walked over to kneel in front of her. “I was trying to run from the fact that I’d done the very thing I’d swore never to do, angel.”
Melissa closed her eyes and tried not to read anything into what he had just said. She couldn’t bear it if it turned out she was wrong.
“What were you trying to run from, Shane?” she finally found the courage to ask.
“I was trying to run from loving you, Lissa,” he said, taking her hands in his. “There isn’t much of anything in this life that I can honestly say I’m afraid of. But the thought of loving you the way I do and having you leave me one day, scares the living hell out of me.”
Tears filled her eyes. “You love me?”
Nodding, he took her into his arms and crushed her to his broad chest. “I love and need you more than I need my next breath.”
Before she could tell him that she loved him, too, he covered her mouth with his. Heat streaked throughout her entire body when he traced her lips with his tongue and she readily opened to grant him the access he sought. As he tasted and teased, her heart filled with the knowledge that Shane loved her. She’d never felt more complete than she did at that moment.
When he finally broke the kiss, Melissa leaned back to cup his face with both hands. “Shane McDermott, I love you with all my heart and soul.”
“And I love you, angel.” He gave her a quick kiss, then lifted her left hand to slip her engagement ring back onto her finger. “Promise me you won’t give this back to me ever again.”
Throwing her arms around his neck, she shook her head. “Never.” It suddenly occurred to her that he had been wearing nothing but a towel from the moment she walked into the room. “Where did you keep the ring while you were telling me about your parents?”
He laughed. “You didn’t notice that I kept my left hand closed?”
“I…well…not really.” She smiled. “I was too busy looking at your…um, heart.”
“Like that, do you?” he asked, grinning. He took her hand to place it on his chest. “It belongs to you now, Lissa. My heart, my soul, all of me belongs to you for the rest of our lives.”
“And I’m yours, Shane,” she promised. “I have been from the moment we met.”
Lifting her, he sat down and settled her on his lap. “We have a few more things we need to discuss.”
“What would that be?” she asked, laying her head on his shoulder.
“I believe you when you say that you love the ranch,” he said slowly. “But I think we’ll build a house here in Aspen to live in during the snow season.”
Sitting up, she frowned. “But I won’t mind being snowed in as long as it’s with you.”
He laughed. “I know, but I’m thinking down the line.” He placed his hand on her still-flat stomach. “When our baby is old enough, I don’t want to have him or her living with relatives to attend school like I had to do.”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” she said, liking the idea that he wanted them to all be together.
“I also think it would be a good idea for us to spend this winter at Willow Lodge.” He kissed her nose. “That way we won’t miss any doctor appointments because of weather.”
“You’re just full of good ideas, aren’t you,” she said, unable to stop smiling. “That way while you’re traveling for the congressional investigation, I’ll at least have Erica and Avery over from time to time.”
“You can have your family over as much as you like, but I’ll be there, too,” he said, pressing his cheek to her temple. “You will?”
Grinning, he nodded. “I called Senator Kurk this afternoon and told him that after careful thought, I wouldn’t be available for the job after all.”
“Did he understand?” she asked, wondering if he’d made an enemy out of an old family friend.
“He told me he was disappointed, but he understood that being a newlywed I wouldn’t want to be away from you.” Shane kissed her temple, her cheek and the tip of her nose. “And that brings me to the last thing we need to talk over.”
“A wedding date?” she guessed.
He nodded. “Are we still good for New Year’s Eve, angel?”
“Absolutely.”
He nibbled kisses along the side of her neck. “Why don’t I get dressed and you take off the rest of the afternoon. I’d like to take you back to Willow Lodge and catch up on the three days we’ve been apart.”
“That sounds like your best idea yet, Cowboy,” she said, loving him more with each passing second.
He was her heart, her soul, her very life. She couldn’t wait to be back in his arms again, celebrating the happiness of finding each other, the life they had created and the love she knew for certain they would share for the rest of their lives.