But she wasn’t in love with Ryan. Love was soft and cuddly like a cozy fleece blanket. Her feelings for Ryan were more like coarse wool. Rough, prickly and uncomfortable.
Except making love with him had been…amazing.
Uneasiness wrapped around her like a spiderweb. She needed to go.
Holding her breath and trying not to shake the mattress, she inched out from under the sheet. When her feet touched the rug she exhaled in relief and then took another deep breath before carefully levering herself off the bed. She didn’t breathe again until she had both feet on the floor.
She checked to make sure his eyes were still closed. The steady rise and fall of his bare chest caught her attention. The man was built like a gold medal swimmer, all defined muscles, wide shoulders and sleek bronzed skin. Just looking at him raised her temperature.
Get out before he wakes.
She scooped up her panties, shoes and dress and tiptoed out of his bedroom. She didn’t stop moving until she reached a puddle of moonlight in his living room where she pulled on her clothes. The loud rustling of her dress made her wince and look over her shoulder for signs of motion in the bed. None. She struggled with the zipper but managed to get it only halfway up.
Carrying her shoes, she headed for the door. Her purse. Cringing, she stopped. Where had she left it? And then remembered Ryan had slipped her tiny clutch into the pocket of his tux jacket at the gala. She couldn’t leave without it since her cash, credit card, house key and cell phone were inside.
Argh. She couldn’t even call Lea to come and get her unless she used Ryan’s phone or the one at the gatehouse. Even if she could call Lea, she wouldn’t. How could she explain the situation to her friend when she didn’t understand it herself? And Lea would demand an explanation.
Nicole raked her fingers through her tangled hair. Why had she slept with Ryan? Wasn’t their relationship complicated enough without throwing an affair into the mix?
But it had seemed like a good idea at the time. She’d been rattled by Beth’s obvious avoidance and her family’s lack of a bond and she’d needed someone. Someone who understood her situation. She’d been carried away by the romance of the evening and turned on by dancing close to him. Falling into bed with him had made sense. Then. Now it felt more like she’d slept with the enemy—the one man who could cost her everything that mattered to her.
She eyed the exit and then his bedroom doorway, torn between the bad choice of calling Lea from the guardhouse for rescue and the worse one of staying. Dismay settled over her like a wet blanket. She had to go back into Ryan’s bedroom to retrieve her purse.
She deposited her shoes on an end table and tiptoed back into the room. Her dress swished with each step, the sound echoing off the hard surfaces of his apartment. She paused just inside the threshold and scanned the space around the bed. Trying to locate his black coat in a dark room challenged her especially since his decor was all black. Black bed, comforter, sheets and even a black rug on the dark charcoal slate floor.
Where had he thrown his jacket? She spotted it draped across the corner of the bench at the end of the bed and took one careful step and then another toward it.
“Going somewhere?” Ryan’s husky voice asked.
Nicole nearly jumped out of her skin. “I need my purse.”
“Were you sneaking out on me?” he asked, his voice laced with disbelief as he sat up in bed and turned on a lamp.
Heat rushed her face. She ducked her chin, smoothed her hair then reached for his jacket. “I was going to let you sleep.”
“I’ll drive you home.” He tossed off the sheet and rose from the bed, all lean muscles and masculine vitality.
She couldn’t stop herself from soaking him up any more than she could stop a Boeing Business Jet bare-handed. The desire she’d thought quenched rekindled deep inside her.
“I appreciate the offer, but it’s not necessary. I’ll call a cab.”
With his eyes locked on hers, he strolled toward her, setting her heart thumping double-time. He halted inches away, plucked his coat from her hands and tossed it on the bed out of her reach. He dragged his knuckles down her arm, raking up a trail of goose bumps. “I brought you. I’ll take you home.”
A tingle of unease danced over her skin. If she could react this strongly to Ryan, what did that say about her feelings for Patrick? The question rattled her. She didn’t have an answer. She needed privacy to figure this out. A long hot bath…a glass of wine…No. No wine.
A very old memory seeped into her brain of her mother playing a song over and over. “Torn Between Two Lovers.” Nicole couldn’t have been more than five. And now she was living that life. Was she repeating her mother’s mistakes?
“I—I need to go.”
Ryan picked up his pants and stepped into them, pulling them over his bare buttocks. Next he reached for his shirt. Watching him put it back on was equally as heart-accelerating as watching him remove it had been. She did not need to find him any more appealing than she already did, but her palms-damp, lips-dry reaction couldn’t be denied.
Pressing a cold hand to her hot chest, she turned her back. Ryan’s fingers nudged her spine. She jumped and arousal shivered over her. He pulled up her zipper.
Pregnancy hormones. That’s all this is.
Or was it? At the moment she wasn’t sure of anything.
Nicole awoke Saturday morning determined to make a decision one way or the other. Living in limbo was tearing her apart.Was this her baby? Or was it Beth’s?
She had to move forward and that meant confronting her sister. She lifted a hand and knocked on her sister’s front door instead of walking in the way she usually did. Patrick opened the door. Surprise stole her breath. She hadn’t expected to run into him. He always shot eighteen holes with his coworkers on Saturday mornings.
He looked about as happy to see her as she was to see him—which was not at all. A first for her. She blamed her strange reaction on not being ready to face him when she’d washed off Ryan’s scent only a few hours ago.
She swallowed to ease her dry mouth. “Hi. Aren’t you playing golf today?”
“No.” The corners of Patrick’s mouth had a downward, dissatisfied turn. Had he always frowned like that?
She tried to recall, but the only face in her mind was Ryan’s, particularly, Ryan’s face just before he’d left her at her door last night after a devastating good-night kiss. The intensity of her reciprocal need had frightened her. She’d almost invited him in.
“I need to talk to Beth.”
“She’s making an early-morning grocery run.”
He hesitated and shifted on his bare feet. She felt as if she were seeing him for the first time. He wasn’t as tall as she remembered, and his sandy-blond hair looked washed out. Wait. Were those gray roots? Had he been coloring his hair?
“Do you want to come in and wait?”
Not the most gracious invitation she’d ever heard, but what choice did she have when Beth refused to return her calls? “Yes. Thanks.”
“Coffee?”
She wished she could. She probably hadn’t slept more than two hours after Ryan left her. How could she sleep with her body humming and her mind churning? Not even a warm bath had helped. Her life had gone from smooth flying to extreme turbulence seemingly overnight. “I can’t. I’ve cut out caffeine. But thanks.”
“Right. So…” An awkward silence stretched between them.
Until now she’d always been comfortable with Patrick, despite him dumping her, because she’d made a tremendous effort to keep things friendly. She hadn’t wanted either him or Beth to know how much his change of heart had hurt her. After all, when she’d brought him home to meet her family no words of love or promises of forever had been spoken between them.
She focused on the reason she’d come. “Patrick, do you and Beth still want to adopt my baby?”
He looked away and gulped his coffee. “A baby is all Beth wants. The only reason she keeps me around is for my sperm.”
Nicole winced. Ryan was right. There was definitely trouble in paradise—trouble a baby might not fix. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
He eyed her with a combination of incredulity and pity. “You don’t know your sister at all. You only see what she wants you to see. Beth never does anything that doesn’t benefit Beth.”
That didn’t sound good. “Maybe the two of you should see a marriage counselor.”
“For that to work she’d have to admit she might be wrong. That’s not going to happen.”
True. Beth was a perfectionist. If she couldn’t do something right then she’d prefer not to do it at all.
The look in his eyes turned downright ugly. “You were with him last night. You left with him.”
His accusatory tone raised a red flag. She hoped her cheeks weren’t as flushed as they felt. “Ryan? We rode together.”
“He just wants his kid. He doesn’t want you.”
The cruel words stabbed deeply, and as Patrick stared at her she realized she’d never seen him look this unattractive.
“You don’t know that, Patrick.” But was he right? Was the baby the only reason Ryan had slept with her? No. His desire had been too strong, too real.
“You were always the smarter sister. Don’t be stupid over this guy.”
A compliment followed by bitter, petty words. This was not the man she’d fallen in love with in college. She took a mental step back and reminded herself of the stress Patrick had been under. The visit was not going the way she’d anticipated, and she didn’t like the side her former lover was showing. She had to get her answers and get out of here.
“Patrick, could you love a child that isn’t yours?”
His lips twisted into a petulant line as he stared into his mug. “It’s Beth’s decision.”
Not the enthusiastic reply she’d wanted. “That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the only one you’re going to get from me.”
Nicole had a sinking feeling that whatever Beth decided Patrick would not welcome her baby with open arms. Could she blame him for not wanting to raise another man’s child? Some people handled adoption beautifully. They accepted and loved the gift they were given. But some didn’t.
Now that she thought about it, Patrick had always been possessive and particular about his things. When they’d been dating he’d never even let her drive his car although he’d driven hers often enough. He’d never shared his dessert or even let her sip from his drink. What was his, was his. How had she missed his selfish streak?
“I should have married you,” he grumbled.
Nicole couldn’t breathe. Those were the words she’d been waiting to hear for a very long time, but they didn’t give her the satisfaction she’d expected. Instead, they repulsed her. How could he say or think that now? How could he do that to Beth? His family would be ashamed to hear him speak that way.
How could you have believed you loved him all these years? He’s a jerk.
Sadness weighted her chest as the understanding dawned. She had been so afraid of behaving like her mother that she’d convinced herself she could only love one man in her lifetime, and she’d chosen the wrong man for the wrong reasons. She hadn’t loved Patrick. She’d fallen for his family—the kind of family she’d always craved. The kind of family she wanted for her baby if she couldn’t have it herself.