As I watched her scrubbing down the cot, I was struck with the realization that McKenna was a good person, a rare find these days. She looked so tiny and out of place in this dirty, windowless room on her hands and knees cleaning up other people’s filth. Her hair was tied up in a hasty knot and her cheeks were rosy and pink from exertion. She looked like a blue-eyed, shimmering-haired angel in these grim surroundings.
“Need a hand?” I called out, stepping forward to enter the room.
“Knox?” She rose to her feet. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to help out today. Brian told me where to find you.”
“You talked to Brian?”
I nodded, not bothering to mention that he hadn’t wanted to help me, or that he’d been a complete a**hole. Uneasy, I stood before her and surveyed our surroundings. “So, where do you need me?”
“Why are you here?”
“I’m sorry for last night; I was an ass.” I stayed quiet while she looked me over. She was waiting for me to say more, so I took a step closer. “I’m not good at apologies and heartfelt displays, but I truly did come here today to help out. If you want me.”
She chewed on her lip in indecision and for a second I thought she was going to push me away. “Okay,” she said.
“Okay?”
She nodded, smiling at me. “I’m glad you’re here. And I’m sorry about what I said last night. Of course I want you back in group.”
“Don’t worry. I knew you were bluffing about that.” I rubbed my hands together. “So, what’s our task?”
“See all those cots?” She pointed to several six-foot-high stacks of cots lining the far wall. “We need to wash all of them.”
“All of them?” There had to be hundreds. “And you were going to do that all by yourself?”
She nodded. Shit, that would have taken her all day. Didn’t she have anything better to do with her time than sit in a dank room cleaning for hours on end for no pay and little recognition?
I couldn’t really picture her prioritizing going shopping at the mall or getting her nails done above this type of work, though. This was just who she was. I’d spent very little time with her, and I already knew that. She was a giver. Would she be as giving and accommodating in the bedroom? A pang of lust jabbed at my gut at the thought. Down, boy.
“I’ll get you a bucket of soapy water and a sponge,” she said, heading to the exit. I couldn’t help but watch the sway of her ass encased in tight denim. She really was beautiful. Even in her jeans and T-shirt.
When she returned, I was unstacking the cots and lining them up in rows so we could wash each one. The thought of McKenna doing all this manual labor alone made me glad I came. This was a big job for one person.
McKenna returned, setting the bucket down beside me and splashing me with warm soapy water in the process. I considered engaging her in a water fight, but decided against it. She took this work seriously and I would show her that I could too.
We worked side by side for the better part of an hour, making only a small dent in the work ahead of us. I wondered if McKenna was set on getting through the entire bunch, or if I could talk her into going out to lunch. Looking over at her, I knew there was no way she was leaving until the job was done. She worked without pause or complaint as determination blazed in her eyes.
Dropping my sponge into the bucket of water, I went to unstack another set of cots for us to wash, moving the damp ones to the far side of the room where they could air dry while McKenna went to dump out our buckets of dirty water and refill them. My fingers were already pruned and my back was aching from sitting hunched over on the floor. But I wouldn’t complain. Not while McKenna was still working so adamantly to clean these beds for people she didn’t even know, would never meet. I had no idea why this was so important to her, but I could tell that it was.
We fell into a routine, my moving and unstacking cots, McKenna refilling our water, and each of us washing in silence. Seven hours later and finally we were down to the last couple of cots.
“Oh, Christ.” I swore, pushing the filthy cot away from me. Someone had deliberately buried this one at the bottom of the stack.
“What’s wrong?” She peered over at me from across the room.
There was shit smeared on the cot in front of me. If she really expected me to wipe up someone else’s crap, she was crazy. “This one needs to be taken out back and burned.”
“What?” She laughed, rising to her feet and crossing the room to stand over me. “Oh.” She frowned, looking down at the brown stains.
“Someone shit the bed,” I joked dryly.
“Just scrub it off.”
“Hell no.”
“You change Bailee’s diapers. What’s the difference?”
I cocked an eyebrow at her. “She’s a baby. Babies shit their pants, this is different. This is probably from a grown-ass man. That’s a whole different ball game.”
“Fine, I’ll do this one.” She dropped to her knees to kneel beside me.
“No way I’m letting you do that. We seriously can’t just throw this one away? Surely they have a dumpster out back.”
“Knox, we’re not throwing away the poop cot. It’ll come clean. They’re short on cots as it is.”
Fuck me, the things I’d do for this girl. I soaked the sponge in soapy water and began scrubbing at the cot, fighting back the gagging in my throat.
When I was done, she giggled and said, “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“I need a shower.”
“They have showers here.”
I rolled my eyes. The idea of showering here made me feel even dirtier somehow. “Come on. We’re going out.”
“We are? I was going to find the director and see if I could help with anything else.”
“McKenna, we’ve been here all day. My hands are pruned, my knees are sore from kneeling on a concrete floor, and I was just subjected to human feces. We’re leaving.”
She giggled again. “Okay, I suppose you’re right. We did enough for one day.”
I was about to correct her and let her know I’d done enough for a lifetime, but I didn’t want her to change her mind about leaving, so I shut my mouth and trailed behind her.
After a stop in the restroom, where I doused my hands, forearms, and even my face and neck in scalding hot soapy water, I waited in the hallway for McKenna in the hallway. While she washed up, I called home to check on my brothers and let them know I wouldn’t be home for a while. When she emerged, McKenna had secured her hair in a neat braid hanging over her shoulder. How she could look pretty after the day we’d had, I had no idea.
Her eyes met mine and she tipped her head shyly. I needed to be careful about how I looked at her. I was watching her like I wanted to eat her alive. Hell, I wasn’t opposed to it.
“Where are we going?” she asked as I led her out into the fading sunlight.
Chapter Thirteen
Knox
I held open the door for McKenna and we entered the small diner just blocks from the shelter. It was already after four, and after skipping breakfast and lunch, I was starving. Of course when I’d set out this morning to find McKenna, I hadn’t known I was signing up for an all-day volunteer activity.
I asked the hostess for a table for two and noticed her gaze flicker between me and McKenna. Did she think we were here on a date? Shit, were we on a date? I never did things like this—take a girl out to eat. Even if it was just to a crappy diner. I hadn’t done anything like this in years. Mostly because of the boys. I felt only mildly guilty about not being home when they got home from school. Something told me they’d approve of my being with McKenna, though.
McKenna surprised me by asking for a box of crayons at the hostess station. Then we slid into a squeaky leather booth and McKenna accepted her menu, smiling at me.
“What?” I asked.
“Thanks for helping today.” She flipped over her place mat and began doodling on the back in purple crayon. The girl continued to surprise me.
I sensed that something between us had changed today. I’d shown her a different side of myself and put us on more equal footing. It wasn’t what I had planned for my one day off from work this week, but I was glad I’d stayed and helped her. I couldn’t imagine her doing all that alone today; she’d still be there. I knew people gave their time and resources to causes that were important to them, and I’ll admit, it had felt good to give back today, but either McKenna had the soul of a saint, or her need to serve was something different.
“What drives you to volunteer, McKenna?”
Looking up from coloring, she chewed on her lower lip. “It’s just what I do. I spend pretty much every free minute at the homeless shelter.”
“You do this to avoid being at home?” If that dickhead Brian was making her uncomfortable, I’d head right over there and handle it.
“Not exactly. More like to fill my time. I don’t like being alone with too much time to think. It’s just…not good for me.”
I wondered what worries could possibly be weighing on her mind. “What are you running from?”
She went back to coloring and I realized I didn’t know much about this beautiful girl who sat in front of me. She grabbed the brown crayon and drew a two-story house, coloring in the windows with blue curtains, and then drew three stick figures in front of the house. On one of them she colored long dark brown hair and blue eyes, and I realized she was drawing me something from her childhood.
I watched her in silence, wondering if she was trying to give me a clue about her life. The thought of someone harming her rose the hairs on the back of my neck. Before she finished her drawing, the waitress delivered our orders—a salad and soup for her, and a burger for me. Setting her drawing aside for the moment, we dug into the food in silence, the weight of our conversation still hanging over us.
McKenna picked at her salad, using the tines of her fork to push a cherry tomato around the plate.
“What’s on your mind?” I asked, wiping my mouth on the napkin.
Pretty blue eyes pierced mine as she hesitated to answer.
“Say it, angel.”
“When I met you…I don’t know. I could feel your pain and knew you’d experienced more than your fair share of trauma too. I felt connected to you.”
I knew what she meant, but that didn’t mean I wanted to encourage her attachment to me. I would only end up hurting and disappointing her. Even if I did everything in my power not to, that was my track record with women.
I pushed my plate away, my appetite all but vanishing. “McKenna, I’m not going to deny that we have a connection. We do.”
“But?” she supplied, a trace of sarcasm in her voice.
“But…I f**k random girls. I use them for sex. I’m not a good guy. You shouldn’t be so nice to me.”
“You’ve made bad choices. You’ve messed up. But you’re not a bad guy. I see the way you are with your brothers, and attending group, that’s your way of trying to get better. You’re not going to scare me off so easily, Knox.”