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When I Break (When I Break #1) Page 15
Author: Kendall Ryan

No way was I going in my room just then. They weren’t actually going to fight over me, were they?

Brian rushed forward again and Knox sidestepped him, instinctively drawing him farther away from where I stood rooted in place, my jaw hanging open. Brian wasn’t violent; he wasn’t a fighter. Not even in high school when most boys had raging teenage hormones, he was calm and in control. But I’d also never seen that vein throbbing in his forehead.

“You know why she’s with you, don’t you?” Brian taunted. “She’s a fixer. Always has been. Adopting stray dogs from the shelter, stopping to help wildlife cross the road, befriending the new kids at school…that’s all this is. You’re a problem”—he poked a provoking finger into Knox’s chest—“that she wants to fix.”

Knox’s gaze flashed to mine and Brian took that split-second distraction to haul back and land a punch in the center of Knox’s cheek.

I winced as the contact threw Knox’s head back.

Not wasting a second, Knox rushed Brian, knocking him to the floor and landing several punishing hits to his face and body.

“Stop! You guys, stop it!” I clawed desperately at Knox’s shoulders, trying to dislodge him from where he held Brian captive. Brian landed a quick hit to Knox’s nose, sending blood pouring from both nostrils. Frightened, I cowered on the floor, scrambling backward on hands and knees as big soggy tears rolled down my cheeks.

Both men caught their breath, their fight seemingly over. Knox’s eyes met mine and I read his expression as clear as if he’d voiced the words. I’m sorry.

His shoulders down and his gaze fixed on the floor, Knox left, closing the door quietly behind him. There was something about the way he’d shut the door that stuck with me. Had he slammed it closed, I would have felt better. I would understand his anger. He was just attacked verbally and physically in my apartment by my roommate. His careful exit felt like defeat. Not a physical defeat—he could have taken Brian—I saw that in the power of his punches when he had Brian pinned down. No, it was more like he knew he’d lost me before we’d even started anything, and he was quietly walking away and letting Brian win.

The thought didn’t sit well with me. I wanted him to fight for me, to pull me from this corner and wipe my tears, tell me that no one and nothing would keep us apart. But he hadn’t. It was all a twisted little fantasy. Knox didn’t feel for me the way I did for him.

I remembered the way blood had erupted from his nose, and wondered if he was okay to drive home. Sheesh, I hadn’t even offered to help him, given him a tissue, apologized for the brutal way my roommate had behaved. Knox had been nothing but a gentleman all day, and he deserved none of what Brian delivered.

“McKenna.” Brian stood over me, hands on his hips. “I know you want me to apologize—”

“Save it, Brian.” I leaped to my feet and grabbed my purse from the counter, slamming the apartment door behind me.

When I arrived at Knox’s place, all was quiet and dark. The front door was unlocked and I let myself in, not wanting to wake anyone who might be asleep. A lamp glowed softly next to the couch, but no one was around, on the first floor at least. I crept up the creaking staircase, my fingers grazing the wooden banister as I headed to the attic.

It was dark and silent on the third floor too, and I wondered if Knox was asleep. It had been almost an hour since he’d left my apartment, thanks to the city bus schedule, and it was entirely possible he was already asleep in bed. The thought of finding him, shirtless and stretched out on the mattress, sent a little thrill through me. I promised myself I wouldn’t ogle him. Okay, maybe just for a second I’d allow myself to appreciate the view. Then I’d wake him and check on his injuries. See if he needed anything and apologize for my psycho roommate.

Tiptoeing across the creaky wooden floor, I felt like an intruder. I’d probably scare him half to death. “Knox,” I whispered loudly. “It’s me.” The room was so dark, I couldn’t even tell if there was movement from under the covers. “Knox?” I flipped on the lamp beside the small couch for light. Glancing up, I realized his bed was empty. Knox wasn’t here.

Realization struck like a whack to the side of the head. He’d gone out. After spending all day bonding with me, showing me a sweet side to him by working at the shelter, he’d still chosen to go out. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but really, what other possibilities were there? It was late and his brothers were asleep. He’d told me himself, this was how he operated. I just thought I’d be the one to get through to him, and it stung knowing that my efforts hadn’t made one bit of difference.

I sat down on his bed, hating myself for how betrayed I felt. It wasn’t fair to Knox. He was in treatment. He was bound to mess up now and then, and tonight with Brian had probably been a trigger for him. I knew he didn’t handle stress well—that he turned straight to sex. What had I really expected when he left my apartment looking broken and defeated?

And it had nothing to do with being outmatched by Brian. I’d seen the restraint Knox displayed, the tension in his shoulders as he held himself back from doing any real damage. He’d spared Brian, and the only reason could have possibly been because of me. Because of my friendship with Bri.

I remained on Knox’s bed waiting for him. I would wait all night if I had to; I needed to make things right between us. When my eyes grew droopy, I lay down, curling on my side against his pillow.

The sounds of running water and rustling coming from the hallway woke me. I crawled from bed, groggy and wondering what time it was. Since I was pretty sure only Knox used the bathroom on the third floor, I tapped my knuckles against the door. “Knox?”

“Not now, McKenna,” Knox grumbled from inside.

No way was I letting him patch up Brian’s handiwork alone. “I’m coming in.” I pushed the door open and entered the tiny steam-filled bathroom. Blinking through the vapors, I found him slumped on the floor, his head hanging in his hands.

He stared up at me with unfocused eyes. “What are you doing here?” he slurred.

“Have you been drinking?”

He chuckled. “No, officer.”

“Knox, this isn’t funny. You’re wasted. Did you drive home like this?”

“Relax. People get drunk, and no, I walked home.”

“Where did you go?” I assumed it was somewhere local, since he’d walked home, but I was too afraid to ask my real question—What did you do?

“I went out. Had a few drinks.” He shrugged.

“And?” I probed. I had to know; even if it crushed me.

“And I picked up a girl, and I couldn’t even f**k her. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

My breath stuttered.

He pushed his hands into his hair, tangling it in disarray. “Your sad blue eyes wouldn’t leave my brain. I couldn’t stop comparing your subtle feminine scent to her harsh perfume. Your touchable soft waves to her too-stiff curls.” Looking up to meet my eyes, confusion and distress was written all over his features. “I don’t know what you’ve done to me. You’ve gotten inside my head, f**ked with who I am.” The pain and anguish in his eyes hit me straight in the chest.

Part of me felt proud—I’d actually gotten through to him. But most of me felt sad. Knowing I affected him just as much as he affected me was harrowing. And I’d never seen him so devastated and needy. It tugged at something deep inside me.

The pull between us was too strong. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold out. “I just came to make sure you were okay,” I choked out.

“I’m fine. Let me drive you home.” He rose to his feet.

“You’re in no condition to drive.” And if there was one thing I couldn’t tolerate, it was drunk drivers. Not after the way I’d lost my parents.

“Suit yourself. I’m going to shower then.” With the water still running he began undressing, right there in front of me.

I slammed my eyes shut. Oh God. Knox. Naked. My heart banged against my ribs. I should turn around and march out of this bathroom, but my feet were frozen in place.

The shower door opened and Knox cursed as he stepped under what I assumed was scalding hot water. “What are you still doing here, McKenna?” he asked several moments later.

I peeked open one eye, and then the other. Knox stood in the small glass-enclosed shower stall underneath the spray of water, not even bothering to try to cover himself. He was beautiful. All male with sculpted muscles and rugged good looks. He had a dusting of dark hair in all the places a man should, but I forced my eyes up, not wanting to wander any lower than his defined abs and completely visually molest him.

“I-I came to help.” To take care of you. I swallowed the thick lump in my throat and when I met his dark gaze, something inside me snapped. Without thinking, I pushed open the shower door and was suddenly under that warm spray of water with him. My hands stroked his cheek where it was already swelling, and my fingers pushed into his hair to soothe him. It was my fault he’d gotten hurt and therefore my responsibility to comfort him. Not that being so near him, enveloped in his heat, was any great burden. I felt more alive than ever before under his dark gaze.

“Kenna,” he groaned, his eyes falling closed. The tortured cry of my name on his parted lips was the sweetest sound. He stepped closer until our bodies were flush together, brushing at the tops of our thighs, our abdomens, our chests. My heart slammed against my rib cage at the contact. He was pure male heat and my body responded greedily.

Desire raced through my veins, heating me from the inside out. I knew this was a bad idea—the worst. Knox was drunk and I was… I didn’t know what I was, only that I’d never felt this way before, and I wasn’t about to give it up.

We were so close his forehead rested against mine and his lips were just millimeters away from where I wanted them. I’d never wanted anything more than this kiss. We’d been unconsciously building toward this moment since the first time I’d laid eyes on this sinful man. My body knew then what my head could not.

“Kiss me,” I whispered.

“And what if I can’t stop?” he murmured, his lips brushing against mine.

Pure carnal need like I’d never experienced before shot through me. In that moment, nothing mattered but Knox’s hot mouth on mine. “Then don’t.”

Our mouths were so close that we shared each breath. I breathed him in with each inhalation I drew. The only sounds were my thumping heartbeat crashing in my ears and the spray of water cascading down on us.

His male firmness pressed against my belly and my breath stuck in my throat. Struggling to breathe, my chest heaved with the effort and brushed against his bare chest. His hands found the hem of my shirt and he lifted the garment up and over my head, slinging the wet fabric to the shower floor where it landed with a smack.

I waited, breathless, to see what he would do. His lips delicately whispered against mine, sending little tingles radiating from my parted lips all the way down to the long-neglected ache in my core. Feelings I’d never known, sensations long dormant, suddenly raged within me, lighting me up from head to toe. I felt awake, fully present for the first time.

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Kendall Ryan's Novels
» The Impact of You
» All or Nothing (Love by Design #3)
» Filthy Beautiful Lust (Filthy Beautiful Lies #3)
» Filthy Beautiful Love (Filthy Beautiful Lies #2)
» Filthy Beautiful Lies (Filthy Beautiful Lies #1)
» When I Break (When I Break #1)
» Working It (Love by Design #1)
» Resisting Her