“I am dominant. Sexually. Does that scare you?”
“N-no?”
He chuckled lightly. I hadn’t meant my answer to sound like a question. It only showed how unsure I felt around him.
“Good night, McKenna.”
“’Night, Knox,” I murmured, feeling sleepy and warm. And safe.
Chapter Fourteen
McKenna
When I arrived home the following morning, I thought it best that Knox not walk me inside. I said good-bye to him in the car and ventured in to face Brian alone.
Just as I suspected, Brian was waiting for me. Probably waiting to ambush me. He flipped off the TV and rose from the couch, coming to meet me near the door.
“Did you stay the night with him?”
“Brian,” I pleaded. My tone was a warning. He didn’t get to act the way he did last night and then give me the third degree this morning. Besides, I didn’t want to crush him or make him angry by confirming what he already knew. I’d slept in Knox’s bed last night and it was one of the best night’s sleep I’d had in years. I figured it was safer not to answer, so instead I released a heavy sigh.
“Tell me you’re not stupid enough to fall for this guy. He’s a goddamn sex addict, McKenna.”
“Don’t call me stupid.” I pushed past him and entered the kitchen, grabbing the coffeepot and filling it with water.
“I’m sorry, I know you’re not…it’s just…” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the scuffed tile floor. He looked tired, like he’d barely slept last night, and his face was pinched with worry.
It made my stomach cramp seeing him so distraught. Brian had always been there for me and he’d been a great friend for almost fifteen years. He’d messed up last night, but without him, I wouldn’t have survived these past few years. I just didn’t know why he was acting so ridiculous about Knox.
“I get it,” he said. “You’re a fixer, you always have been, and he’s a project, but he’s not like that cocker spaniel you found on the side of the road with a broken leg. You can’t fix everything, and you sure as hell can’t play house with him.”
“Too late for that, isn’t it, Bri?” I shoved the carafe back into the coffee machine and set it to brew. When I looked up at him, really looked at him, I noticed his lip was split and there was a bruise forming under his eye. Served him right for attacking Knox like he did.
Brian sighed. “I’m sorry I flipped out last night. I just don’t want to lose you.”
The sight of him and Knox fighting on our living room floor was burned into my retinas. I was glad neither was seriously hurt. Knox’s cheek was still slightly swollen this morning, but nothing that a little ice and pain reliever wouldn’t fix.
I tried to look at things from Brian’s perspective. We’d moved here together and neither of us knew a soul, and now I was forming a relationship with another man. My anger faded just slightly. “I won’t condone any more testosterone-fueled displays like last night. You’re my best friend. Knox is my…” I stuttered, coming to a halt midsentence. What was Knox?
“He’s your what, McKenna?” Brian challenged.
“Friend,” I settled on finally. “So you have to be nice.”
Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Brian nodded. “For you, I’ll try. But just be careful with that guy.”
“I will,” I promised. I would be careful with him, I just hoped he would be careful with me too. I was terrified of feeling something real for him, unsure if he was capable of returning those feelings.
Chapter Fifteen
McKenna
The rest of the week passed quickly. Brian seemed to chill out a little, not mentioning Knox again and being overly helpful at home. He was trying to make up for how he had acted, though I wondered if his change in mood was because I hadn’t seen Knox again.
Things had gotten busy at the center for troubled teens, and even though I only worked there part-time during the week, I found myself going in early and staying late. They were short staffed, so I’d added extra hours to my schedule without having to be asked. And since I still had my weekly commitments at the homeless shelter, soup kitchen, and others, I was exhausted at the end of the day.
Knox and I had texted a few times, and I wondered if both of us were subconsciously trying to slow things down between us after how heated they’d gotten the last time I saw him.
After sleeping in later than planned, I was running late for my Saturday morning meeting. The only thing that kept me from being really late was the bus had cooperated and been on time. When I entered the room, I found the members of our group already seated in a semicircle. Someone had even brewed the coffee. I breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was in order.
Crossing the room to the front, my eyes strayed to Knox. He’d turned to face the girl next to him—someone I’d never seen before. She appeared to be about our age, petite and very pretty with shiny coppery hair and big green eyes. Suddenly I realized that this must be Amanda.
Belinda was right. Despite being a few months pregnant, she wasn’t showing at all. In fact, she had on a pair of skintight leggings that showed off how slender she was, and an off-the-shoulder white tee.
Tearing my eyes away from her, I realized Knox was still chatting with the girl and hadn’t even noticed me. I slid into my seat and cleared my throat. Amanda and Knox ended their conversation, and I kicked off our session. But the little impish smile remained fixed on Amanda’s lips long after her chat with Knox.
Somehow, seeing firsthand the effect he had on women bothered me even more than it should have. I wanted to separate their chairs, position myself between them, but of course I didn’t. I just continued right on with group, trying to remain professional.
“Amanda, right?” I looked at the new girl and she nodded her head. “Welcome. I’m glad you’re here.” My voice sounded genuine, but if she was going to move in on Knox, that would change in a heartbeat. I would be the only one tempting him, thank you very much. “Why don’t you introduce yourself and tell us whatever you’re comfortable starting with.”
“Sure. Hi, everyone. I’m Amanda.” She looked around at the faces in the group and smiled. She went on to explain that she grew up in the foster care system, and no one had wanted her—or at least that was how she felt, and so she sought man after man to supplement those feelings. She used sex to cope—to feel wanted—if only for a short time. Then of course when it was over, she felt worse than ever.
It was a tragic cycle I’d heard before, and I honestly hoped I could help her break it. This work was hard, but I never gave up hope of actually getting through to someone. It made it all worthwhile. Amanda didn’t mention her pregnancy, so I assumed she wanted to keep that to herself.
I moved on, asking what other updates people wanted to share. As Mia spoke about her recent breakthrough, I knew I should feel happy and proud. Instead I was struck with a sense of worry. The closer I got to Knox, the more I’d worry about his past with women, and if it was truly all in his past. The realization was harrowing. Would we ever really be able to move forward from the demons that haunted us?
The possibility that his sexual addiction could come between us terrified me. Would I be used and then tossed aside like so many before me? I was smarter than that, wasn’t I? Brian’s concerns had obviously gotten inside my head.
“McKenna?” Mia asked, her brows drawn together in question.
Twelve sets of eyes were peering right at me. How long had I been lost in my own thoughts? A quick glance at the clock told me far too long. Our hour was up, and a few people were already zipping up coats and jingling car keys in their hands. Oops.
“Thank you, everyone. See you next time.”
Amanda turned right back to Knox, like she’d spent the entire hour just itching to strike up their conversation again.
Wiping the scowl from my face, I rose from my seat and went to the desk at the front of the room. As curious as I was about what they could be discussing, I forced myself to focus on something else. I wanted to talk to Knox, to tell him I hadn’t stopped thinking about that night, but the more time that passed, the more foolish I felt.
Several minutes later, Amanda rose to her feet and slung her purse over her shoulder. She fished her cell phone from the bag and it appeared that she and Knox were exchanging phone numbers. A searing pain stabbed at my chest.
I shouldn’t have been so hungry for his touch. It hadn’t been my smartest moment. But I wasn’t a normal girl. I was damaged emotionally and had felt so alone for the last few years that I craved physical touch. From a sex addict. A man like Knox wouldn’t savor those simple touches like I did. He wouldn’t be lying in bed tonight thinking about how his hand had felt brushing over my skin like I would be. He used women, took his pleasure and moved on.
Maybe it was time I did the same thing. I grabbed my purse from the desk and fled.
Knox
I dressed and ventured downstairs. Tucker was sitting cross-legged on the living room floor, watching a cartoon I knew he’d seen three hundred times. But his science project was done, so I wouldn’t complain.
Jaxon and Luke were stationed together at the dining room table, and Luke was helping him with algebra. “Dude, what the f**k did you eat?” Jaxon asked, pushing Luke’s shoulder to gain some distance between them.
“I don’t know. I had Chinese earlier. Why?” Luke responded, sniffing his breath through a cupped palm.
“It smells like garlic and farts. It’s f**king burning my nostrils, dude. Go get some gum or something. I can’t concentrate on math when my eyes are watering.”
Luke stuffed three sticks of gum into his mouth. “Happy?”
“Very,” Jaxon said dryly.
“Guys, you’re on your own tonight. I’ll be at Gus’s Pub till probably two. Call and order pizza.” I handed Luke a twenty-dollar bill. “Lock the doors, and stay in. Got it?” They nodded in unison. “And call me if you need me.”
I wondered if McKenna would still be stopping over, and what she’d think when the guys told her I wasn’t here. I pushed the thoughts from my head. It wasn’t my problem. We both probably needed to move on before things got even more complicated. I crossed the room and ruffled Tucker’s hair to say good-bye. Then buttoned up my black dress shirt and headed out into the night.
Gus’s was an Irish tavern that I tended bar at occasionally. Thursday nights were usually good for at least two hundred bucks in tips, and so when Rachel had called earlier and said they were short staffed, I’d jumped at the opportunity. We could use the cash, and I knew if I stayed in tonight, I’d end up calling McKenna.
“Hey, hot stuff.” Rachel smacked my ass in greeting.
“What’s up?” I nodded her way. She bent over at the waist, stocking the cooler with bottles of beer. Rachel was gorgeous and she knew it. She was tall and slender with long bleached-blonde hair and cherry-red lips. A series of girly tattoos made up a half sleeve on her right arm—butterflies, flowers, hearts, things like that. I was convinced a lot of our male patrons came in just to hit on Rachel.