She tore at the buttons on his monogrammed shirt, popping, opening, scraping back fine fabric until her palms met warm skin. The flex of hard muscles contracting beneath her touch blocked out the world waiting beyond the abandoned forest nook. She kissed, nipped, laved over him while Sebastian tunneled his hands through her hair until it slipped free of the loose twist, tumbling midway down her back.
His BlackBerry buzzed an unwelcome interruption. Her skin started to chill. He tore the handheld off his belt and tossed it to the floor impatiently.
About damn time he did that.
Marianna gripped his shoulders, fingernails digging half-moons into his flesh as she strained to get nearer, desperate to deepen the closeness. Twining her fingers in his close shorn hair, she held his face to hers, devouring him, ravenous after the months of going without.
Sebastian nudged her jacket aside, down her shoulders, and cupped her breast through the satin camisole. He circled a thumb around the tightened crest sending sparks of want through her. When he lowered his mouth to replace his hand, she couldn’t control the urge to roll her h*ps against his.
“Enough.” The moist heat of his mouth as he worked the satin over her skin tightened the swirls of pleasure. “More.”
And thank goodness he understood the contradiction of impulses that had plagued most every part of their marriage. He angled them both upright again until he sat in the middle of the seat. Marianna straddled his lap, her suit skirt hitching up as she knelt, her toes pressing against the front seats until her Gucci pumps began to slip off.
His hands reached down, gripping both shoes and holding them in place. “Leave them on,” he growled low, “I’m suddenly a big fan of lemon.”
She fumbled with his belt, just above the hard press of his desire straining against his zipper. Then yes, she found the enclosed velvet length of him, stroking. Never one to lag behind, Sebastian slid his hand beneath her skirt again, fingers twisting in the thin string of her thong, pulling the panties lightly biting into her flesh. She welcomed the pinch on her over-heightened senses and then it…
Snapped.
He pitched aside the insubstantial scrap of yellow silk she’d worn to make her feel like more of a woman and less of a failure at the most important relationship of her life. Marianna positioned herself over him, and he thrust upward. Fast. Hard. No fumbling. No awkwardness. Rather a synchronicity gained from nine years of knowing just how to come together with sex if nothing else.
She grabbed his wrists and moved his hands to cup her br**sts. Her fingers stayed with his over her while he pounded into her with an urgency as powerful as the storm outside and the man inside. Marianna rocked her h*ps against him in grinding circles, milking every ounce of sensation from this last explosive encounter.
One last time to be together.
One more memory to tuck away and torment herself with over a glass of wine by the beach.
If only they could communicate half as perfectly on anything as well as they connected during sex. Even that bond became strained because of the looming “after” time, a free-fall into sadness because there was nothing else left between them.
Sweat slicked his chest, her arms, their kisses turning slightly salty in her mouth. Pleasure built and clawed inside her, the need to finish almost painful. His hands twisted in her hair, his jaw tight in a way she recognized as Sebastian waiting for her, holding back until even his arms shook. Her moans mixed with his, urgent, faster. Exploding through her in a release that satisfied even as it destroyed another corner of her weary soul.
Pleasure rippled over the pain in a bittersweet farewell mix. Wave after wave surged and receded until she sagged against him, his arms still banded around her as his body rocked with aftershocks.
The confines of the Beemer echoed with only their panting breaths and the tapping rain. Marianna knew they had nothing left to talk about. It was over between them. They just had one last meeting before a judge in a few weeks.
It wasn’t like they even needed to discuss their lack of birth control. Her miscarriage nine years ago had left her infertile. Not that they hadn’t continued to try—and fail.
Then hope had briefly returned. Sebastian had been a hundred percent on board with adoption, and for four blessed months Marianna had been a mother. Little Sophie’s face stayed as firmly planted in her memory as in her heart. She and Sebastian had put aside their marital problems bubbling to the surface and poured themselves into parenthood.
Only to have Sophie’s birth mother change her mind.
Lying against Sebastian’s chest this last time, Marianna ached to cry, for herself, for him, for their daughter. But when a person dried up inside, tears were tough to find. Six months ago, Sophie had been plucked from her arms, their home, their lives.
Marianna’s heart broke. Sebastian went to work. And their marriage finally fell apart.
Two
Hilton Head Island, South Carolina—
Present day:
M arianna winced as the judge raised his gavel and—whap—cemented everything she and Sebastian had spelled out with their lawyers in the divorce paperwork.
In the span of one day, she’d become both a divorcée and an unwed mother. A baby. She gripped the edge of her chair to keep from flattening her hands to her stomach.After so many failed attempts at conception, miraculously one of Sebastian’s swimmers had managed to circumnavigate all her cysts and scar tissue. She’d only found out this morning—an axis-tilting moment that still left her reeling.
A tiny flutter of hope stirred like the life she looked forward to feeling move inside her. Just maybe this time…
She had considered telling Sebastian before court—for all of five nauseating seconds. This didn’t change anything about them as a couple. Custody paperwork would be a separate matter altogether. Besides, she wanted to be a hundred percent certain with a doctor’s visit. She wasn’t going on the voucher of one pink plus sign, not after nine years of disappointments, after the past months of hell from losing Sophie.
And how would Sebastian feel about the news?
He loomed a few feet away—how could the man loom even when he sat?—thumbing closed the locks on his briefcase. Scowling. At least something was normal in this upside-down day.
She gathered her resolve and crossed the aisle. “Sebastian, I would like to set up a time for us to talk. Perhaps someday next week?”
After she’d visited an ob-gyn. She’d missed the signs at first because of her heavy workload decorating two major Hilton Head homes, then assumed the stress of the impending divorce had thrown off her cycle—even when one missed period became two…. It had been two months since she’d ditched her panties in the backseat with Sebastian.
Standing, he smoothed his silk tie and refastened a button on his suit jacket. “We can talk now. Let’s wrap everything up at once.”
“I can’t today.” She had an urgent appointment with a pack of crackers and a flat surface.
“Something more pressing to do?”
“You’re the one who’s married to his BlackBerry.” Bile burned the back of her throat. “I wanted to give you enough notice to wedge three minutes with me in between appointments, court and catching up on your e-mail.”
“Nice.” His tight smile didn’t even come close to reaching his eyes.
But true. And sad. “I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to rehash old ground.” She pressed her palm to her forehead to ease the swimming dots of frustration swirling in front of her eyes. “This isn’t a good time to discuss anything, which is why I want to meet with you next week. I’ll call your secretary and set up an appointment.”
She spun away on her heels, only just managing not to fall on her face. She grabbed the end of a row for balance until the floor stopped wobbling underneath her.
Sebastian braced a hand on the small of her back. “Slow down and take a deep breath. It’s only natural you’re still upset from the proceedings.”
“Upset? Upset!” Glancing over her shoulder at him, she swallowed a bubble of hysterical laughter. She wanted to cry and pitch plates and rail at the unfairness of her greatest dream being tempered by such a total crap day. “As always you’re the master of understatement.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose for two of those steadying breaths before looking at her again, his expression a little too close to pity for her liking. Ire kicked up a storm in her already churning stomach.
Sebastian slid his hand from her back to her arm for a tiny squeeze as he stepped closer. “So now you want some kind of goodbye-over-coffee moment.”
Her body reacted through instinct to the familiar heat of him, the scent of his aftershave, the strength of his touch. How long would it take for time to dull the sensory memory of just how good he could make her feel?
She plucked his hand off and aside. “We said our goodbyes in the backseat of your car.” Anger, hurt and fear all left her itchy and irritable. “Your conjugal rights officially ended about five minutes ago.”
He would no doubt have plenty of opportunities to indulge himself with all the starry-eyed students that floated in and out of his successful practice. She’d seen a virtual entourage of admiring females in his law library some nights when she’d come by to pick him up late.
“Okay, okay, take it easy.” He backed her into the privacy of a quiet corner. He flattened a hand on the wall beside her head, his body creating a barricade between her and the onlookers staring at them with ill-disguised interest. “I completely understand that future shoe fashion shows have been canceled.”
Marianna scrunched her toes in her silver Jimmy Choo slingbacks and willed down the memories that would only wound her. Heaven knew that when she hurt she let it out with anger. But she would not cause a scene.
It was hard enough getting through these past few hours while her mind taunted her with images of what the day could have been like. If only she’d been able to surprise Sebastian at the office with a mug that read “Real Men Do Diapers” or some other cute coded announcement.
Of course he probably would have been in court or taking a deposition.
Oops, there went her temper again. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. “It’s not about a civilized cup of coffee. There are just some, uh, loose ends we need to discuss when we’re both calmer. I’ll talk to you next week, somewhere neutral and public.”
He held his position, almost touching, his gaze assessing her like some witness on the stand for endless seconds.
His BlackBerry buzzed. He ignored it. But still…
“You had that on during our divorce hearing?” She backed away, all hopes of calm long gone. “We definitely shouldn’t talk today.”
“Fine, whatever you want.”
It wasn’t what she wanted by a long shot, but there wasn’t any other choice. “Goodbye, Sebastian.”
But it wasn’t really farewell and she knew it. There would be no clean break for them now. Marianna ducked under his arm and toward the exit. She had one week to shore up her resolve and make plans.
She double-timed down the hall, barely registering that his big wonderful family sat on benches waiting. Just the kind of oversize clan she’d dreamed about as a lonely only child of elderly parents, who’d loved her, yes, but now even they were gone.