I took a deep breath. “I guess I’m interested in the same things as you are, only from the other side.” I toyed with my wine glass, twirling the stem between my fingers. Time to be honest here, Abby.
“I haven’t had very good luck with men. Nothing ever works out. But there are things I want to explore in myself, the relationship between pain and pleasure, how I can give up control in return for something…hopefully something more, exciting? More intense? I’m not sure. I’m not a girl that enjoys either pain or not being in control. But in this case, it’s different…” My voice trailed off. “It’s complicated.”
Jake smiled. “It is, isn’t it? And I guess it’s something we’re going to learn along the way, and learn together. This is all new to me as well.” He broke off as a stunning redhead sauntered past our table, waving at him. He gestured briefly in return.
His gaze returned to me. “I was told it’s not wise for an inexperienced Dom to choose an inexperienced sub, that I’d be asking for trouble. But somehow, to me at least, it seemed like it would be, well, not so much easier but more comfortable learning and exploring with someone who was just as inexperienced in this as I am.”
Jake’s voice had grown low. I leaned forward to catch his words.
“I have all the confidence in the world in my ability to run a multi-million dollar corporation. But here, I’m not quite as sure of myself.” He sat back suddenly, a startled look on his face.
“It just occurred to me. Maybe that’s part of this too, that I’m looking for an arena where I’m not master of all I survey; I’m starting from ground zero here. Perhaps I’m looking for a challenge, something else I can master.”
Jake smiled, that boyish charming smile that seems to do funny things to my stomach. “I don’t want you to think you’re a project or an experiment. I want you to enjoy this, to learn and grow with me and, hopefully, make this a mutually beneficial experience, for as long as it lasts. How does that sound?” He touched my hand briefly. “And I interrupted you. I’m sorry about that.”
“No, you’re fine. You’re much clearer on your motivations than I am.” I sat back against the leather of the banquette. “I want to challenge myself as well, see how far I’m willing to go with this. And I read some of the forum posts on the website; I should be picking an experienced Dom as well.”
Jake laughed, a wonderful sound. “I guess we’re going about this all wrong, but it seems like the right approach for me.”
The rest of the evening passed easily and very quickly. We were still talking when the bar closed. Jake walked me to my car, both of us quiet in the dark. I was shivering in the cool air but I thought it was due more to Jake than the spring air. We were at my car far too soon.
“Well, Abby…” Jake hesitated only briefly before pulling me against him, looking down at me. I could see his eyes in the semi-darkness, hooded, almost black. Gently he bent his head, his lips brushing softly against mine. I may have moaned a little then.
He slowly increased the pressure of his lips on mine, capturing my lower lip in his, caressing it briefly with the tip of his tongue. Releasing me, he looked down into my eyes. His voice was low, seductive and very arousing.
“I think we’re going to be good together, Abby. Very good together.” He pulled me back into his arms. This time his kiss was anything but gentle. His lips claimed mine fully, his tongue seeking entrance—which I granted—probing, searching, setting a fire alight in my stomach. I know I moaned then, and loudly.
When he finally released me, I staggered briefly, reluctant to open my eyes. His hands still held me and kept me from falling. I heard his soft laugh, his warm breath, still carrying the soft scent of good bourbon, washing over me.
“I’ll call you tomorrow…give us the night to think about what we’ve talked about.” He ran a finger down my cheek, catching a wind-blown strand of hair and tucking it behind my ear. He leaned forward, kissing my forehead.
He waited until I’d pulled out of the parking lot before leaving. I saw him in my rearview mirror, hand raised in a brief wave. And then he turned away, heading to his own car.
It was a long, long time before I fell asleep. My mind was whirling, much of it going over everything we’d talked about, but a large part replaying our kiss, the feeling of his lips on mine, his hands on my body. Even though his kisses had been brief, they had been powerful, but in different ways. The first hadn’t been tentative or hesitant, but soft, asking rather than demanding.
There had been a latent force in his second kiss that was hard to pinpoint, but in it I felt the potential Jake carried to dominate, to carry me along with his will. To make me submit, willingly.
It was a heady combination, the gentleness of his first kiss followed by his outright claim to my mouth with the second. I finally drifted off wondering how these opposites would play out in the bedroom.
***
I managed to be on time to work. Leslie had already left a voicemail message, demanding the details of my ‘date’. I had already started punching in her extension number when it occurred to me I couldn’t really tell her much of anything.
Jake had asked that we keep the dominant submissive aspect of our relationship confidential. But I had already told Leslie that I was meeting someone from a BDSM website; I just hadn’t told her who.
I hung up the phone, trying to figure out just what I would say to her when I saw her. The phone had no more than left my hand when it rang, making me jump. I snatched my hand away as if I’d been burned by the sound.
The call went to voicemail. As soon as the message light began blinking I punched in the access code and listened to the message. It was Leslie. I deleted the message, deciding I would deal with her later. There was a client meeting to prep for and as distracted as I was over Jake, I didn’t think I could afford to spend any time right now thinking about Leslie.
By the time I finished with meetings, emails and making client phone calls, it was well past my usual lunch time. There were a few more messages from Leslie, one from late morning asking if I wanted to grab lunch. With a stab of guilt, I deleted them all.
I grabbed my purse, intending to head down to the commissary in the basement of the building. The food was stale and tasteless, but I was in too much of a rush to care. And I wanted to avoid Leslie.
But best laid plans often go awry. Leslie was just coming out of the elevator on my floor. There was nowhere to hide so I put on a big smile, intercepting her before she could start in with her questions.
“I was just coming to get you. I’ve been tied up all morning with clients. You have time for lunch?”
She made a disgusted noise at me. “Yeah, I know you. You’re avoiding me. Remember, I’ve known you forever. But I’ll ride down with you to the lobby.”
We grabbed the nearest elevator. As soon as the door closed, Leslie turned to me. “Okay. Spill the details. Who is he? What’s he like? Is he cute? Did you make out?”
I scowled at her. “Leslie, really, slow down. ‘Make out?’ We’re not in high school.” I smiled at her. “But, yeah, we did kiss.” I rolled my eyes. “It was horrible. He’s got bad breath and snaggle teeth. Ick.”
She burst into a fit of giggles. “Really? No, you’re kidding. But who is he?”
Why the obsession with who he is? The elevator chimed, announcing it had reached the lobby. We stepped out, the lobby full of the crush and rush of people. I pulled her off to the side.
“If I tell you, you can’t tell anyone. Promise?” I looked at her, the perplexed look on her face almost comical if this wasn’t important. “Seriously, promise.”
“Promise. Is he in the witness protection program?” She was serious. I rolled my eyes again.
“No, not that.” I dropped my voice to a whisper. “He’s Jake McNamara.”
Saying his name made my heart skip a beat, from excitement or guilt, I wasn’t sure. Jake, I’m sorry.
Leslie’s eyes went wide. “No! Really? Geez, Abby, nothing like hooking a big fish first time around.” And then her eyes went wider.
“You met Jake McNamara on a bondage sex site?”
It seemed the lobby had gone completely silent and Jake’s name was echoing off the marble walls. I shook my head, looking around. The lobby was just as noisy and no one was even within earshot. But I pulled Leslie behind a potted plant.
“Leslie, you need keep this quiet. He didn’t want me to tell anyone about that part of our relationship.”
The skepticism on Leslie’s face was obvious. “He wants to keep your relationship a secret? Is that some bondage fetish rule? Why can’t you talk about it?”
She was standing with her hands on her hips, looking like a stern librarian and I’d been caught giggling in the stacks. I expected her to pull out a rule and wrap my knuckles.
“Not me, not the public relationship, but the BDSM part. He’s a public figure; your reaction should be enough to know why this can’t really be public knowledge.”
Leslie relaxed. “Yeah. Okay. I get that part.” She looked closely at me, skepticism replaced by concern.
“Are you sure this is good for you, Abby? Secrets and whips and handcuffs? All for a f**k or two?”
Leslie’s use of the word f**k was rare but always well placed. I sighed.
“Yes, it is…or it will be. And it’s not just for ‘a f**k or two’. I think there’s going to be a whole lot more to this.” I took her arm, pulling her out from behind the ficus tree.
“Come on, I’ll buy you lunch and tell you all the gory details. But only this once. No more after this.”
***
I was puttering around in the kitchen that evening, cleaning up after dinner, when the phone rang. Snatching it up, I glanced at the caller ID; Private Caller. Discreet guy.
“Hello?” My voice sounded breathless, even to me.
“Hi, Abby. Am I catching you at a bad time?”
My heart did that flip-flop thing again. Maybe I have a medical condition.
“No, this is fine. I’m done with dinner and not really interested in doing the dishes.” I sat down on the couch. Something poked me in the back. Reaching behind me, I fished 50 Shades of Grey out from between the cushions. I smiled to myself as I held the book in my lap.
“I really enjoyed last night, Abby. Very much. I’m hoping we can get together fairly soon. I’m very anxious to have a session with you.” I heard him laugh softly. “I’m really interested in seeing you, period, truth be told.”
I smiled into the phone. “I’m anxious to see you…to have a session with you.”
“We talked about last night about this, Abby. But I want to make sure we still agree, before we go any further.” His voice had gone serious.
“We agreed our interaction wouldn’t stray away from the rather strict confines of the dominant and submissive relationship. Outside of that relationship, there may be times when I will ask you to accompany me to public events. In those instances, unless we’ve agreed on anything different, I would like you to be my guest, under no constraints or conditions. Do you agree with this? Is that how you’ve understood what we’re doing here?”