He took a deep breath. “Okay. Next question.”
“Did you turn my cellphone off? The weekend we went to Paradise Ranch?”
“The weekend I said you should be here all the time? Yeah, I did.” There was no rumbling laugh this time.
“That was a childish thing to do. I was a real prick to do that. I’m sorry.” He squeezed me briefly.
“You were off somewhere and I saw it in your purse. I wasn’t sure where you were at with Jake in your sub relationship, but I saw how he looked at me at the club. He was so jealous he was almost ready to chew through the ropes to get you off the table. I knew any man who was that much in love with you was a threat. So I just reached in and turned it off.”
Chase shifted beneath me. “He was in love with you then, wasn’t he?”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t need to. Chase knew.
***
Work on Tuesday was agony. I’d gotten home at dawn, crawled into bed and gotten two hours of sleep. Leslie brought lunch to my office, closing the door behind her.
“Abby, you really need to figure out what you’re doing here.” She took a bite of her sandwich, chewing for a moment. I pushed my salad around on my plate, aimlessly trying to spear a tomato that resisted the tines of my fork. I was too tired to make the effort to eat and pushed the plate away, the tomato safe for now.
“Yeah. I know. Burke asked me today if I was sick.”
Leslie nodded. “You look horrible. I know that’s not what you want to hear but you really do look rough. Is this really worth it? I mean, one guy does things you can’t talk about and the other guy forces you to have sex. Are those the kind of relationships you want to have? With either of them?”
I eyed Leslie over my iced tea. “Leslie, you’re not helping.” I pushed back from my desk, grabbing my purse.
“I’m going home. Sick day. If I look so bad, I should probably be home in bed.”
***
Home. In bed. Covers pulled over my head. I’d unplugged the phone, turned off my cellphone and set the alarm for the next morning. The world, as I knew it, could just go away for the next eighteen hours.
But I didn’t sleep. I dozed, tossing and turning, fragments of conversations with Jake and Chase playing over and over in my mind.
Both men loved me. Both men were flawed and broken in their own way, but then who wasn’t? I certainly had my own share of issues to work through.
I turned over, punching the pillow, muttering to myself. The cat fled the bed for calmer seas.
Images of both men rose up unbidden: my first night with Jake, the sensual massage that turned into something far more than I expected, more erotic and sensual than anything I’d ever experienced.
Chase: our first time, indelible in my mind, tied and bound, with him between my legs, sending me to that place I’d never been before.
The differences between the two men flitted on the edge of my consciousness as I fought for sleep. Chase, the rough and tumble cowboy. Jake, the urban and sophisticated businessman. Different as night and day, but tied together by a love of something deeper, darker, the exploration of being a dominant to my submissive.
I flung the pillow away from me, only to grab it, clutching it to my chest. I was confused, so desperately confused. Nothing made sense, my emotions were as tangled as the sheets on the bed and my heart was aching at the thought of having to make a choice. I couldn’t…there was no possible way.
For the first time in a long time, I cried myself to sleep.