“Oh,” I mumbled, not knowing what else to say.
“You gotta have it all, bao bei, so I’ll tell you that, outside the information which I couldn’t help but knowing, I didn’t get involved. I didn’t know what I was delivering. I didn’t pay attention to what I was finding. I did the job. I didn’t take sides. We were free agents. We worked for anyone. We kept out of it. And if needed, I made a statement when someone would try to drag us in.”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“They needed the hurt put on them to make the point, I did that too.”
“Oh,” I mumbled again, that syllable a lot more tentative.
Using his hand at my neck, Abel gave me a squeeze and a shake.
“It’s the only thing I could do to take care of my family,” he declared fiercely. “We moved around a lot. Jian-Li could cook, as could her mother before her, but it takes time to establish a restaurant. By the time things would be rolling with that, we couldn’t enjoy it long before we had to leave. It’s not easy to set up house and a restaurant every decade or so. And I don’t die. I couldn’t be on the grid in any way. I have no social security number. No birth certificate. I couldn’t go to college, be a doctor, a lawyer. You live out in the open like that, people could cotton on. I could take money under the table. Be a day laborer. But they make shit. We needed more. So I did what I had to do to take care of my family.”
I had no reply mostly because there wasn’t one. I could see this. I could even understand it.
Abel took my non-response the wrong way.
“I knew the information I found and shared. I knew the men who asked me to deliver shit were not good citizens so I could guess what I was delivering wasn’t food for the needy. But I did what I had to do.”
“Became an outlaw,” I said.
“Yeah,” he grunted.
“We all do what we have to do, Abel,” I remarked, and his head twitched. “I mean, my mom isn’t the greatest mom in the history of momkind, but she’s my mom. And to be healthy, I don’t see her much. I know she doesn’t like this. She isn’t the greatest mom and it isn’t good that she wants me around mostly to bitch about Dad and make me feel like I’m nuts. But in her way, she also loves me, likes my company, so she feels our break. It isn’t healthy to be with her so I struggle with that being the wrong choice, but I feel in my heart it’s the only one.”
“It isn’t the wrong choice,” he told me.
I grinned. “It isn’t to you because you kinda like me, and all that’s in your head is looking after me. But it is because she’s my mom. The only one I’ll ever have. She might not take me as I come without giving me shit about who I am, but that doesn’t make it right that I don’t take her as she comes. Two wrongs, no right.”
“Seein’ with your mom, you’re too sweet for your own good,” he muttered.
I decided to let it go. Dad felt the same. He didn’t think I should hold any guilt for cutting Mom out of my life (for the most part).
Dad was wrong too.
I didn’t discuss it with him either.
“My point is, you shouldn’t worry about what you did,” I advised. “I could tell you didn’t want to give that to me, but that only means you’re a good person and you know it’s what you had to do, not what you wanted to do or got off on doing. So don’t worry about it.”
It was then he declared, “That shit ends when all this other shit ends and I got you to look after too.”
I gave him another grin and snuggled closer, whispering, “I kinda like bein’ hooked up with an outlaw.”
He let his eyes drift away, muttering, “Says the biker’s daughter.”
I gave him a squeeze and got his gaze back, happy to see it was smiling.
That done, I kept at it, thinking I might as well get it all out in one fell swoop.
“Taking us out of the heavy and into more heavy, you gotta know we’re covered, birth control-wise, since I’m on the Pill. You take me ungloved, you’ve never done anything but, so I’m assuming since you can’t get sick or catch disease, you can’t give anything to me. But the time was ripe about two weeks ago for me to make certain of that, so obviously, now, I need to make certain of it.”
He slid his hand up into my hair, tucking my forehead back into the side of his neck as he shared, “You’re safe with that and you’re right. I don’t catch anything; I don’t carry anything.” He paused and his voice was quiet, his hold strong, when he finished, “And sucks, baby, hate to share this with you, but you gotta know, if you want, you can go off the Pill. I can’t get you pregnant either.”
I blinked at his throat. “Yes, you can.”
“Bao bei,” he said gently, giving my head a squeeze, “I can’t. Won’t go into specifics of how I know, but trust me, I know.”
I pushed against his hand to look at him. “Werewolves can get humans pregnant. Sonia told me so.”
“Vampires can’t get them pregnant and I’m half vampire.”
“Then why are Lucien and Leah prophesied to have a brood of kids?”
His big, hard body stilled under mine.
Completely.
And when he spoke, I actually felt the effort it took for him to force out the word.
“What?”
“Uh…you didn’t know?”
“Fuck no,” he snarled.
“Abel—”
He cut me off by knifing up, forcing me to right myself in his lap, and his fingers clamped around my hips.