Doing that to Hui, Mei, Sying—it would be like having sex with your sister. Or your mother.
“You wouldn’t do that so maybe it’s good they never knew you could,” she suggested. “And that you never knew either.”
He couldn’t argue that, but it didn’t make him move out of his current dark mood.
“Since I knew I’d have you, lived knowin’ I’d lose you,” he told the ceiling.
“I know, baby, but you won’t lose me now.”
“No,” he stated, again giving her his eyes. “Now I gotta worry about losin’ you to these fuckin’ Prophesies. Had a whole twenty minutes to celebrate. Now I know I can have you forever with me, and that hangs over our heads. So somehow that makes the thought of losin’ you worse.”
She stiffened on top of him. “We’re not gonna let the evil supernaturals beat us.”
“Yeah? You’re sure? ’Cause they probably got witches on their side, pissed witches, who got knifes that can fuck an immortal up.”
“That wasn’t the best news of the day,” she muttered, her eyes drifting to his shoulder.
Too much was flooding his mind; he couldn’t sort it all. He needed space, so he dug his fingers into the flesh of her ass and ordered, “Off me, pussycat.”
He saw the hurt shift through her eyes, but before he could do anything about it, she rolled off. He moved to catch her, doing it with human speed, which was a mistake. She kept rolling and was off the bed, nabbing her panties and pulling them up.
“Bao bei, just need some room to think and breathe,” he explained.
“You got it,” she said, her voice forced to light. “You gave that to me yesterday. I’ll give it to you now. I’ll go downstairs. Check on Chen and Jabber. Go and tell the others you need a few hours and we can start again.”
She said all this while struggling to put on her bra. When she finally got it on, he moved, grabbing her hips and yanking her back into the bed, settling them on their sides, her back to his front, their bodies curved to each other.
“By ‘room to think and breathe,’ I just meant you off my cock. I still want you at my side,” he said in her ear.
She took in a deep breath, but it was ragged.
What the fuck?
“Lilah,” he growled.
“You have this…thing where you turn off on me, pull away from me,” she explained, but did it facing the pillows. “It’s just seconds, but I lose you and I don’t mean your dick. I mean whatever is going on in your head.”
“I don’t do that.”
She twisted her neck to catch his gaze. “Yeah, you do.”
“Tell me when I did that,” he demanded.
“Just now,” she replied.
“I explained that.”
“You didn’t see your face when you told me to get off you.”
Fuck.
“When else did I do it?” he asked.
She averted her eyes and started to scoot away, muttering, “It doesn’t matter.”
He hooked her with an arm at her belly and yanked her back. “Answer me.”
She twisted to look at him again. “You know, I’m going to be essentially immortal too. So all that gut-wrenching despair I felt for you and with you and for me when I got my head out of my ass and realized how shitty your life had to be and how awesome and tragic it was you finally got me, that was for nothing. We should be celebrating. Not edging toward a fight.”
“I agree, except about the part you’re using not to answer me.”
She turned in his arms to face him. “We have a world to save, Abel.”
“And now you’re using that not to answer me.”
“I don’t touch your face,” she declared suddenly.
“What?” he asked.
“I don’t touch your face,” she repeated.
He shook his head in confusion. “Why not?”
“Because the first time I tried, you pulled away from me.”
Fuck, he did.
And she was right, she’d touched his neck, she’d kissed him, she’d touched his hair, but she’d not once touched his face or even tried since that night.
And she’d given him total access from the first time he fucked her. Nothing was off limits, not when they were fucking, not when they weren’t.
He’d waited lifetimes for her. He had her. He touched her all the time, held her all the time. But more, she shared liberally and he always had her attention. Fuck, as she was walking to her friend’s burial, the burial of a man Abel had known for days, when he let her hand go, she looked to him to include him in something that wasn’t his to have.
“I explained that then too,” he reminded her, beginning to feel uneasy.
“Yeah, and the first day we met, you calmly discussed banging other women. The first morning I woke up in your bed, before you even kissed me, before I even realized to its fullest what you were to me, I still lost it just thinking of you with other women in that bed. What we have isn’t natural. What it does to me isn’t natural. Fuck, you can’t leave with me not knowing where you are without me eventually getting the pain back that I’d had for years. You pulling away from me doesn’t affect me like it would some normal biker bitch. It guts me.”
“Jesus,” he muttered.
“Yeah, Jesus,” she agreed. “And trust me, this does not make me happy. I’m not clingy. I don’t want to be clingy. Not one guy I’ve been with have I been—” She stopped on a sharp cry because he was squeezing her side uncontrollably, with all of his strength.