“Those guys are so stubborn at times, and now look at them. They’ll protect her to the death. I suspect even Blake would, too.”
Back to Blake.
It always came back to Blake.
Time to change the subject. “So how is business doing at the spa?”
“Quiet right now, but next month it’ll start picking up. And in December we’ll be run off our feet. Of course, Shane worries about me and the baby, so I’ve promised him I’ll put on extra staff.”
“I can understand that.”
There was a tiny pause. “This baby means so much to us,” she said, with a little catch in her voice that tugged at Samantha’s heartstrings.
“Pregnancy suits you. You’re glowing.”
Melissa cleared her throat. “Thanks. I can highly recommend it.” All at once there was a slight change in the air. “What about you, Samantha? Do you plan on having children one day?”
Samantha swallowed the despair in her throat at the thought of having Blake’s baby. She forced herself to sound natural. “Yes, I’d love to. But only when the time is right and with the right man.”
There was no immediate reply. Then, “Forgive me for saying this, but isn’t Blake the right man for you? Wouldn’t you like to have his baby?”
Samantha’s heart constricted as she was forced to face something she hadn’t dared let herself think about now that she knew she loved Blake. This was dangerous territory for her. Loving him like she did and having his baby would be so absolutely wonderful, but knowing it was never going to happen was like a knife through her heart.
She swallowed hard again, then somehow said calmly, “You should know your brother by now, Melissa. Blake isn’t into commitment, and having a baby would be a huge commitment.”
Besides, Blake was already a father figure to his brothers and sisters, and he was already married to his job. There wasn’t room for her, even if he actually wanted her to be a part of it all.
“Is that why you’re leaving?”
She didn’t hesitate. She couldn’t afford to. “No. I’m leaving because it’s the best thing for me.”
There was a short silence, then, “I see.”
Much to Samantha’s relief, Melissa changed the subject and they talked about more desultory things on and off until the massage was over.
“Now,” Melissa finally said, after she’d tidied up. “How do you feel?”
“Like I’m about to slither off the bed.”
Melissa laughed. “That’s what we aim for. Right, I’m going to leave you to get dressed. Take your time and don’t rush. And make sure you drink lots of water for the next couple of hours. The massage releases toxins and if you don’t flush them out you’ll end up with a toxic headache.”
“That sounds lethal,” Samantha joked as she managed to push herself into a sitting position and wrapped the sheet around herself. “Thank you so much for this, Melissa,” she said sincerely. “I didn’t know how much I needed it. I really do feel wonderful.”
Melissa smiled as she headed for the door. “Then I’ve done my job.”
Samantha watched her leave, her smile fading as soon as the door closed, leaving her alone. Her body might feel better, but how did a person continue with a broken heart? Unfortunately no one could fix that.
“How was the massage?”Samantha closed the front door behind her and saw Blake leaning against the kitchen doorjamb, as if he’d been waiting for her to come home. This was how it would be if she were to stay here with him. Yet how long would it last? Certainly not forever. Eventually things would become awkward between them and he would start to avoid her.
And then she’d know he would no longer want her.
“Wonderful,” she said, giving him a smile that somehow felt empty.
“What’s the matter?”
She looked at him and her heart felt sore. She couldn’t seem to shake herself out of her despondency. “I think I need you to hold me, Blake.”
“Why?”
“I just do, okay?”
He pushed himself away from the wall and came toward her, pulling her close. “Is that better?”
She slid her arms around him. “Yes.” But a shiver went through her.
His brow wrinkled as he looked down at her. “What’s going on with you?”
She drew a breath. “We won’t have this for much longer.”
He stiffened. “And?”
His reaction told her all she needed to know. “I feel…sad it’s coming to an end.”
“It’s your choice to leave, Samantha.”
She kept her face perfectly straight. “I know.” He didn’t understand and she couldn’t say any different. “I want to go to bed, Blake. Let’s make love until the sun comes up.”
It could have sounded silly but he didn’t smile and she was glad about that. It was as if he knew this meant a lot to her. And regardless of him avoiding any type of commitment, she hoped it would mean a lot to him, too.
In his bedroom she kept her eyes closed as she made love to him with everything in her heart. The thought of leaving him…of never having his child…of not sharing his life forever…was utmost in her mind. She’d never before felt such profound depth of emotion and she cried softly afterward. It would be so much worse once she left Blake for good.
Blake carefully eased out of bed the next morning just before sunrise, drew on his pajama pants and robe and left Samantha to sleep as he went downstairs to make himself some coffee. He felt restless, with a hard knot in his gut that he couldn’t shake. Samantha had cried last night after they’d made love. She hadn’t done that before. And it made him wonder. It was obvious she had strong feelings for him and he was certain now those feelings were the reason for her leaving. She hadn’t said the words out loud, but he’d felt it every time she touched him and in her cry of release. Could she love him?He couldn’t love her back.
Hell, he should have seen this coming. He was the experienced one after all. Okay, so he’d invested more of himself in this relationship than he’d planned, but falling in love with Samantha, or any woman, wasn’t on his agenda. It never had been and never would be. He’d never allow any person that much control over him.
Never.
So where did they go from there? Exactly nowhere. She’d leave and he’d let her go. End of story. There would be no happy ending for them. He couldn’t give her that. He wished to heaven he could. He hated hurting her like this, especially knowing her last boyfriend had rejected her, too. She must feel so totally unwanted. Cast-off. Discarded and abandoned. God, how he hated to do this to her. It really pained him to do this. He shuddered, then reminded himself. He had warned her. And now that it came down to the crunch she had to be responsible for her own reactions.
Just then, the security light came on over the back decking and he saw a figure coming up the steps. The man was wrapped up to ward off the pre-sunrise chill, but he’d know that gait anywhere.
He opened the back door just as Gavin reached for the handle. “I see you smelled the coffee.”
His brother smiled as he stepped inside the kitchen. “Sure did.”
Blake went to get another mug down from the cupboard. “What are you doing out and about so early?”
Gavin began taking off his thick gloves. “I was going for a walk to clear my head and saw the light on.”
Blake frowned a little as he poured coffee into the mugs. “Anything in particular bothering you?”
“Not really.”
He handed one of the mugs to his brother. “Is the bungalow project worrying you?”
“Not at all.” Gavin shrugged. “I guess it just feels strange being back home again. It hits me most at this time of the morning, and that means I usually need to get some fresh air.”
Blake understood. “I know what you mean.”
Gavin shot him a curious look. “I’m surprised. Don’t you have a lovely lady warming your bed, helping keep those thoughts at bay?”
Blake kept his face blank. “Do I?”
Gavin shook his head. “You always were the same about never sharing your feelings with anyone.”
Blake’s lips twisted. “Yeah, like you do?”
“All I can say is that you must be losing your touch where Samantha is concerned.”
“Why?” He knew he shouldn’t bite, but Samantha was so much on his mind this morning.
“I thought for sure you wouldn’t be dumb enough to let her go.”
Blake immediately went on the defensive. “Why would I want her to stay?”
“You need to ask?” Gavin shook his head. “How about she’s excellent at her job, she’s a looker and a nice person to boot, and as much as I hate to say it, she’s damn good for you, that’s why. You’ll never find an assistant who anticipates your needs the way she does.”
Blake dropped his gaze to the mug of coffee in his hands. What Gavin said was true, except the bit about Samantha being good for him. He didn’t need any woman to make him feel good.
And he didn’t like his brother getting too close and figuring out something that didn’t need figuring out. Certainly he didn’t want his brother figuring out that Samantha was in love with him, and that he couldn’t return her love. He had to protect her. He didn’t want anyone talking about her even after she left here. He owed her that much.
“Yeah, she’s more than competent at her job and she’s beautiful, too, but so are many other women. As for being good for me…yeah, we’ve had some fun while it lasted but it’s coming to an end now and I’m more than happy with that.”
Gavin sent him a challenging look. “So you feel nothing more for her?”
“No,” he lied, feeling like Judas.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Gavin said slowly.
Suddenly a figure stepped into the doorway. “Don’t be, Gavin,” Samantha said quietly, hurt in her lovely eyes but dignity in her face. “I’m not.”
Blake’s heart cramped. “Samantha, I—”
“No need to explain, Blake. I shouldn’t have eavesdropped but I’m glad I did. I would never have guessed you felt so little for me,” she said, a catch to her voice.
He took a step toward her. “Samantha—”
She put up her hand. “No, Blake. You’ve said more than enough.” She turned and hurried away so fast all he saw was her shadow.
Shit!
Gavin lifted a brow. “Seems to me she might mean more to you than you think.”
Blake tried to focus. “No, you’re wrong.”
Gavin stared hard, then put his mug down on the bench. “I’ll leave you two to sort things out.”
Blake gave a jerky nod as his brother headed for the back door and left him to it. He stood there in the kitchen for a minute as regret washed over him before he took the steps to follow her. He’d do his best to mend this damage as much as possible, but if he were to be honest, things between him and Samantha really couldn’t be fixed. It was probably best this had come to a head.