Kate. She’d become his drug of choice.
For the past several weeks she’d let him have his way with her and he thought about how she must have felt, with the world she was now living in revolving around him. Her feelings, her wishes, her thoughts – none of that had mattered for the last couple of weeks and now with the tour finally over and the pressure off, he was able to take a step back and soak it all in.
He needed to talk to her, and he needed to talk to her now.
There was the torrent of congratulatory praise buzzing around him, handlers padding him on the back, managers, stage crew, bodyguards, and his band members all crowded his space, shouting and roaring with laughter. It was at times like this that Gage wished he could turn it off, shut it down when it got too much but he knew that he couldn’t.
It’s all part of the job. He remembered his agent warning him that it wouldn’t always be easy but that he had to understand his life was no longer his own. He was a lover and a friend to the public, and he had to always remember that without them, he was nothing.
Without her I’m nothing…
The thought came out of nowhere and he pushed it down to the back of his heart where all hard truths were stuffed away under lock and key. He didn’t need anyone, let alone her. He had made it on his own.
With his thoughts scattered and wild he wanted to be anywhere but there, and the trap of the adoring crowd wanting more than he had to give. He’d already given up so much of himself.
Gage’s eyes swept around for a glimpse of the one face he wanted to see. Where was Kate? After tonight, she would be gone.
Damn it, he needed her right then; suddenly all he could think about was her soft moans as her delectable body writhed beneath him, the taste of her flesh and sweetness on his tongue, the thick curve of her breast as he tried to suckle every inch of it and her perfect h*ps that he wanted to squeeze in his hands as he pushed himself against her.
Fuck… Gage was in too deep and he knew it.
Then he thought about her bright smile, the way her eyes lit up when she spoke of the latest book she had read, and the way she would try and hide the tears that welled in her eyes whenever she watched romantic movies or how cute she was when she wore his old t-shirts to bed.
He found himself missing her, though it hadn’t been long since they had last been together. He wanted to hear her beautiful, timid laughter that always managed to snare his heart, forcing him to roar with laughter, right along with her.
And try as he might, he couldn’t pull his thoughts from turning tender as he thought of the gentle, quiet moments of the past. The times she needed him most and he was there to wrap his arms around her and protect her from the harsh reality that waited on her doorstep.
Ever since they had broken up, it was all about the pleasures of the flesh and it didn’t matter what her name was, where she came from or where she wanted to go. There was no commitment, and anyone who came into his life knew that there was also no reason to expect anything more than that one night together. He never thought of himself as a womanizer, after all, he was upfront about what he wanted, expected and could give to them. There were no games, no manipulations, and no reason to mislead.
And then she showed up in his dressing room, wanting to interview him for this shit job that she had been forced into taking and he couldn’t stop thinking about her ever since.
Damn her…why couldn’t she have just stayed away?
He tried to push down the sudden anger that welled in his chest like a tornado of heat that threatened to consume him when his handler appeared, gripping his shoulder and guiding him into a backroom for an interview with some local music station.
Over two hours later, he was finally done signing autographs on t-shirts handed to him by fans being sent through like an assembly line. Now he moved to the room where drinks and food had been arranged for the select few lucky enough to get a personal moment with the rocker and his band. Gage still caught no sight of Kate and had to quell the urge to ask about whether any of the stage crew had seen her.
Had she left without saying goodbye? Her job was certainly done now the concert had ended and the tour was officially over.
Gage gritted his teeth and brushed off the hand of some blonde groupie who’d come up to stand beside him. “Leave.”
With a frown she skulked away, in search of another band member.
Fuck this! He’d just closed one of his biggest gigs, what did it matter about one ex who’d never really cared about him? He’d be a fool to want anything more than what they’d shared in the last few weeks. By tonight he’d be on his jet to his chosen pleasure spot where he’d meet up with his entourage of fellow rockers and celeb pals for a week of parties and then on to his next big gig. Gage had never needed anything or anyone else for a long time and it was best, Gage warned himself, not to start now.
This time when he felt someone place a hand on his arm to get his attention, he turned with a snarl only to realize that it was Kate and his face immediately softened.
Her beautiful pale skin was flushed with excitement and she was smiling. His heart eased as he looked into her face, relief washing over him.
“You enjoy the concert?”
A deliciously pretty blush spread over her cheeks. “It was awesome!” Kate replied with a bright smile. “I wanted to watch this last performance from the audience and I was really glad I did. Standing so close to the stage…to you. It made the music feel more…I don’t know, alive?… It was just so intense.”
“Glad you enjoyed it,” Gage murmured, handing her a glass of champagne from the passing server, before snagging one for himself and downing it in one gulp.
What he wouldn’t do for some hard whiskey right now – what he wouldn’t do for a room to whisk Kate into so he could peel her out of those sinfully tight jeans and sexy boots before ripping off her top so he could taste her exquisitely bare skin.
He could tell she was nervous beneath his unwavering gaze on her body, and she hid her nose in her glass before saying with a teasing tone, “I must admit, you’re quite sexy up on that stage.”
“Is that right?” he chuckled, snaking his eyes over her once again. She had the sexiest curves, just begging to be devoured by his hungry passion. “Well, then we make a good pair, don’t we…because you’re incredibly sexy yourself.”
Kate’s eyes sobered as she gazed up into his face. “You’re amazing, Gage,” she said softly, suddenly very serious and it caught him off guard. “You’ve always been amazing. I just never had the faith in you that I should have had. I didn’t have faith in myself either back then. I just wanted to make sure that you knew how sorry I am.”
Gage’s brows creased in dismay. “Why do I have a feeling that you’re saying goodbye to me?”
Kate shrugged, looking around at the gathering of media, the gig promoters, band members and the small crowd of groupies. When she turned back to him, her face was guarded. “It’s not like we both didn’t know the score. It’s clear that there’s only one way this could go.”
Gage paused, frustration swelling in his chest. “I see. And that would be…?”
She merely smiled and shook her head before downing her champagne. When she lowered the glass from her lips, he could see she was gripping the stem so hard her knuckles whitened. Gage stared at her piercingly and caught the wild fluttering in her throat, the breath snagging in her chest as their eyes held. She made to turn and walk off but he grasped her elbow, making her face him again.
“Kate…” he began, before a heavy hand fell on his shoulder and he turned to see his bassist Jeremy looking quizzically at him.
“Gage, we need you for a few. We’ve got stuff to round up with the promoters and they want you to make an appearance at the after party. It’s completely sold out and they’ll deal with a lot of heat if you’re not there.”
“I’ll talk to you later,” Kate said lightly, moving away from Gage before he could stop her. Gage felt Jeremy’s hand close tighter on his shoulder and he pulled away from him angrily.
“Come on, man… You’ve been on that tail for the whole tour,” Jeremy groaned in exasperation. “We’ve got a ton of press to do, and we can’t do it without you.”
“You’re going to have to,” Gage replied with a growl, his eyes trained on Kate making for the open doorway of the crowded room.
“You’ve lost your mind, man,” Jeremy said wryly, his gaze flitting to the redhead that was pushing her way through the crowd. “The way you are around her. She really means something to you, doesn’t she?”
Gage turned to Jeremy for a brief moment, his fiery eyes glowing with annoyance. “Yeah…she does,” he replied, patting him on the shoulder with a thud. “Take care of it, Jeremy. I’ve got something that I need to do.”
“And what is that?” Jeremy growled, but Gage was already gone.
* * *
Kate barely made it out of the door before she felt Gage’s fingers around her wrist.
She tried to jerk away, her eyes pleading as she spun round. “Please. Don’t.”
It wasn’t clear just what she was fighting, but there was too much of an ache in her chest right then to feel much else and she knew exactly what she’d lost all those years ago. Not because he was now famous, but because of what she knew lay in the depths of his soul, a part of him that he kept hidden from everyone else, but when he held her close, she could feel it in his breath, and his heartbeat as it pounded wildly against hers.
She’d thrown it all away once before and now she dare not ask for another chance.
He was staring down into her eyes, his gaze hypnotic and terrifyingly deep. She wasn’t sure what he must have read in her face because suddenly he was grinning roguishly. “Come with me.”
Kate let out a confused sigh and didn’t try to stop him from leading her down one hallway and then another before pushing through a back entrance that brought them out into the cool evening air.
The fresh breeze washed across Kate’s face and she gasped, stumbling over her feet, almost crashing to the ground but Gage caught her and brought her into his arms. He carefully led her through the parking lot to the back of the building, where the tour bus waited in the near darkness.
“Gage…no…I can’t,” Kate breathed, tugging on his arm. Whatever it was he wanted, she just couldn’t give him. Not this time. Not when her heart was breaking.
He spun around and grabbed her face, staring deeply into her wide eyes. “Kate…you’re not the only one that’s sorry,” he confessed, his voice gruff and strained.
“Sorry? What could you possibly be sorry about?” Kate sighed, eyes downcast. “I was the one who left. I was the one too foolish to see what it was that I really needed. I was selfish, Gage. I wanted my own picture-perfect life and I treated you like you were nothing. You didn’t deserve that.”
“You’re right, I didn’t,” Gage told her, his thumb smudging the teardrops that spilled down her cheeks. “But neither did you. I should have fought for you, for us. I should have made you see…made you stay. A woman needs a man ready to fight to keep her by his side. I was so hurt… angry. And yet deep inside I understood why you did what you did and why you never looked back.”