“So what if you are?” Laura winked. “That doesn’t mean you can’t have sex.”
“Laura,” Fin hissed and once again, took possession of the trolley to make for another escape.
“I didn’t say to have a relationship with him, Fin.”
Fin gasped. “You did not just say that! He’s one of Ryan’s best friends. This conversation is getting out of control. Can we just get this shopping over and done with? What I need is to park my bum on something cushioned and eat. What I don’t need is to stand in the supermarket aisle while six months pregnant, talking about hav**g s*x just because a man was polite enough to call me beautiful when I look like complete ass!” She finished her rant by sucking in a deep lungful of air. All the added weight to her chest and belly had her breaking a sweat just by breathing.
With another irritable tug at her pants and an audible growl, Fin pushed the trolley along rapidly, and the faster she moved, the more she felt herself beginning to waddle.
“Coco Pops? Really?”
Glancing sideways, Fin realised her mother was keeping pace beside her. “Yes. You got a problem with that?”
Her mother shrugged. “Not really. My thing when pregnant with you was double cheeseburgers. I haven’t been able to eat another one since.” She shuddered before stopping in front of the vitamins. “Oh, when we’re done here, we should go pick out some maternity clothes. You’re busting out of those pants, honey.”
Pressing her lips together, Fin focused with wild desperation on getting out of the supermarket alive.
Two days later
FOB Khost
Eastern Afghanistan
“How’s life at the barracks, Brooks?”
“Fucking boring,” came the moan in his ear, “and I’m busy pissing everyone off just to keep myself entertained because there’s nothing else to do. Although they do have a bunch of new recruits due in over the next two weeks. Giving them shit will keep me occupied until my arm heals.”
With elbows resting on his knees and phone to his ear, Ryan laughed. “How is the arm anyway?”
“It’s fine, but if one more a**hole makes a joke about my inability to jack off, I’m going to shoot them. I could load and fire a rifle with my left hand while blindfolded and hit a moving target in the time it would take them to find their own dicks.”
Ryan chuckled. “Careful, Brooks. You’re sounding a bit frustrated there.”
Kyle cleared his throat.
“So is that why you’re ringing me at, what time is it there—three a.m.? To talk to me about your sexual frustration?”
“Bet it’s nowhere near as bad as yours is.”
Ryan’s entire body tensed, and it was Kyle’s turn to laugh. “Actually, there is something I’m ringing you about.”
“Yeah?” Tucking the phone between his ear and shoulder, Ryan clenched and unclenched his fists. “What?”
Silence.
“You there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.” Another pause. “It’s Fin.”
His fingers tightened on the phone. “Is she okay?”
“She’s fine, Kendall,” Kyle replied. “I, uh, ran into her at the supermarket the other day. She was there with Julie and Laura.”
“How is she?”
“Well, maybe that’s something you could ask her yourself, you know?”
Getting to his feet, Ryan started pacing in short spurts, back and forth, back and forth. Stopping, he scratched idly at the beard forming on his face from their patrol. He hated not shaving, but it wasn’t a high priority in the middle of a life and death operation. “Probably not a good idea.”
Kyle’s growl of anger came through the line.
“Brooks …”
“She told me she emailed you.”
Ryan closed his eyes. Finlay Tanner. The bold words. The empty subject line. It still taunted him.
“Have you even read it?”
His brows drew together in a sharp frown. “Why are you suddenly making this your business?” Ryan deflected angrily.
“Christ, Kendall. I wouldn’t have expected you of all people to forget how short life is.”
“Exactly. That’s why she’s moving to Sydney and studying at the Research Centre.”
“Hmmm.”
“Hmmm what? Fin is still going, isn’t she? She told me she accepted their invitation and that it was all set.”
“Look, Kendall. I’m not being the go between for the two of you. If you want to know anything about what she’s doing, you can bloody well ask her yourself.”
Ryan pinched the bridge of nose with his thumb and forefinger. Kyle was right. That was a shit thing to do. “Sorry,” he muttered and checked his watch. He was due for debrief in thirty minutes. “Look, I gotta go. Have a beer for me tonight, will you?”
There was zero alcohol tolerance for all soldiers on deployment. Knowing it was Friday morning there, Kyle would no doubt be hitting the piss that night.
“Will do,” Kyle murmured.
After hanging up the phone, Ryan turned to the computer. Switching it on, he logged into his email and stared at it again. Fuck, Kendall. Just grow some f**king balls and open the email already.
Hovering the mouse over her name, Ryan double clicked before he could think about it any further.
Ryan,
It feels like I’ve started this email a thousand times because it’s so hard to know what to say.
Remember before you left, you told me to “go and make Jake proud”? I hope you are doing the same thing.
I miss you. So very much.
Exhaling deeply, Ryan tilted his head upwards, his eyes burning. God, he missed her too.
I know you have certain expectations about what I should be doing with my life, but you should know that life always gets in the way of plans.
Sorry. It’s not my intention to be cryptic, but I need to talk to you and some things are better discussed over the phone rather than email.
Ring me when you can. Please.
Love always,
Fin.
Pressing his lips together, Ryan hit delete on the email and started the process of logging out and shutting the computer down.
I need to talk to you …
The soft whir of the computer wound down until silence filled the room, and still he sat there staring at the screen.
Ring me when you can.
Getting to his feet, Ryan strode determinedly towards the door and swung it open.
Please …
Pausing with his hand on the door, he turned and looked at the phone. Who was he kidding? Fin would never have emailed him—not after he stormed out, got drunk, disappeared, and showed up the next day to tell her it was over—unless it was important. Christ, did he really do that? What a f**king a**hole.
Moving back into the room, Ryan picked up the phone and began dialling.
Chapter Twenty-One
Buried under the sheets, dawn fighting its way inside the bedroom, Fin growled irritably after another night of rough sleep. She hated, hated, sleeping on her back, but she was stuck with it like some beached whale. Jake would’ve got a great laugh out of this, no doubt suggesting a rescue from Greenpeace to push her into safe waters or something. Her baby was going to miss out on having the best uncle a kid could ask for.
Realising there would be no more sleep for her this morning, she reached for her phone off the bedside table, intent on turning off the alarm before it began shrieking. Grasping it with an awkwardness that would have been embarrassing if anyone was watching, her fingers shook at seeing the missed call just after three in the morning from a blocked number. She quickly checked her messages but there were none. Had it been Ryan? What if he was hurt? Without care at the early hour, she called up her list of contacts and dialled.
Kyle answered sleepily with an “am I being ditched for a better offer already?”
“No!” Fin rolled to her side and grabbing the mattress, pulled herself to an awkward sitting position, a groan slipping out in the process. The baby performed a lazy roll, obviously annoyed at Fin’s rearrangement. Fin rubbed her tummy soothingly and sucked in a sharp breath after getting booted for the gesture.
“Holy shit!” Kyle suddenly sounded wide awake. “Are you in labour? Shouldn’t you be ringing your labour buddy? Who the f**k is your labour buddy anyway? Christ, it’s not me, is it? Because if it is, you really should have told me. I’ve never trained for this kind of—”
Fin would’ve laughed if she wasn’t busy having her own panic attack. “Kyle! I’m not in labour,” she informed him.
There was a pause and then, “Thank God.”
“I thought you said you could handle crazy?”
“Labour’s not crazy. It’s savage and disturbing on too many levels and has no place in my life.”
Fin arched a brow. This man had seen war and having a baby was savage and disturbing? “Because you’re a man?”
“Hell yeah.”
“Careful, Kyle. The dark ages called. They want their caveman back.”
His laughter boomed into the phone. “I’ve never been around a pregnant woman before. You’re kinda scary now.”
“I’m scary?”
“Uh huh.”
Fin heard the sound of sheets rustling, reminding her of the early hour. “I uh, didn’t wake you, did I?”
“Nope. I don’t sleep much.”
“Oh,” she murmured.
“Just one of the hazards of the job, you know?”
Fin did know. It was rare to catch Ryan in sleep. When she did, she took full advantage, studying features that looked almost boyish in slumber—from the strong jaw to his straight nose and thick, dark lashes that brushed softly against his cheeks.
The image of Ryan reminded Fin of the reason for her call. “Um, Kyle? If Ryan was hurt, would someone ring me?”
There was a pause. “Why do you ask that?”
“I missed a call this morning just after three from a blocked number. When Jake died ...” Her chest tightened. Saying that would never come easy. “It was Mum who told me, so I don’t really … I’m scared that something will happen and I’ll never know.” There was a pause, so clearing her throat, she added, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t ever be sorry,” he replied, his voice husky.
Frowning at how much he sounded like Ryan, Fin pushed up off the bed. “I should get going.”
“No.”
Her brows flew up as she stumbled over the top of Crookshanks’ twining form. “No I shouldn’t?”
“No, they wouldn’t ring you if something happened to Ryan. If you were next of kin, they would tell you in person.”
“Oh.” Ryan hadn’t mentioned it before leaving, but it was highly unlikely she was his next of kin. Not now.
“I spoke to Ryan early this morning, Fin. It was probably him ringing you like you asked him to in your email.”
“You didn’t say anything, did you?”
“Of course I didn’t,” he replied. “I’m sure he’ll ring back so don’t get yourself upset.”
“You worried I might go into labour tonight while you’re here?” she teased as she made her way towards the kitchen, Crookshanks making a rapid trek in front of her with hungry anticipation.