“And you’re alpha because you’re the oldest?”
Jax nodded. “It’s passed down, through the family. Bec could challenge me, if he really wanted. But he doesn’t really want that and I don’t…the pack wouldn’t either. Right now, it would only divide the pack. Bec left, not long ago, with a few guys, to start his own pack. But most of them have returned. I get that he wants to be alpha male, but he’s not ready. Someday, maybe, but not right now.”
Nikki lifted her head, looking up at Jax. Her eyes were soft in the dim light. “You’re under a whole lot of stress here. Why add me to the mix? Why now? I can’t be the easiest thing in the world to add to your life.”
Jax ran his fingers beneath her chin, tilting her face to his. “You’re the only thing keeping me sane these days, Nikki. Really. Without you, here…I’m not sure I’d be able to hold it together.”
He kissed her softly and then she snuggled back against him, her head in that now-familiar spot on his shoulder. It felt good having her there, her body warm against his, everything else forgotten for the moment, in the bubble of contentment that surrounded them.
“Why me? And why so quickly, without knowing me at all. You’re not a secret romantic under all that wolf fur, believing in love at first sight? Are you?” He heard the smile in her voice.
“I trust my gut. If you call that love at first sight, I guess that’s what it was. When I saw you for the first time at the club, it was like something hit me full force, knocked the wind right out of me. No other woman has ever done that.”
“There’s been other women?” She was teasing him, even though the question was serious.
“You asked me that before. Yeah, a few, over the years. I’m a werewolf, not a hermit. I’m just like any other guy, you know. I like women, like being with them. But none were serious, at least the ones before my father…before I became alpha male.”
“But it’s different now?” In any other woman, needing this much reassurance would have come across as needy, but with Nikki, knowing where she’d come from, he didn’t mind.
“The stakes are a little higher, I guess. An alpha needs a mate, an alpha female. So, I’ve looked at women a little differently, a little more long-term, I guess.”
Nikki went still in his arms, a not-so-subtle tension creeping into her body. He could almost read her mind. He’d never mentioned wanting anything serious with her. He held his breath, waiting. It might have been too much, too soon, spooking her. But the words were already out of his mouth and there was no taking them back.
“So, you’re saying I’m long-term for you? Like how long-term?” Her voice was low, her words measured, as if she were testing each one as she said them.
“For as long as you’ll have me, Nikki.”
“You’re putting an awful lot of trust in someone you basically just met, you know. I could be after you just for your money.”
Jax had no choice but to laugh. “You can have it all, Nikki, if it makes you happy. But I don’t have that much.”
“Seriously though. You’d want to spend…the rest of your life with me?” The disbelief in her voice was palpable, and his heart clenched.
“Yes, I would.”
He could feel her heart beating against him, faster than it had been. He waited, his own heart skipping a beat, almost holding his breath. And then he couldn’t wait any longer.
“Would you, Nikki? Would you spend the rest of your life with me?”
“As your mate?” Her voice was barely audible in the room.
“Yes. As my mate.” Jax closed his eyes, trying to get his breathing under control. It was suddenly shallow and fast, and he was lightheaded.
Nikki moved in his arms and he opened his eyes, half expecting her to be sliding off the bed and out of the room. She shifted around until she was kneeling beside him, at eye level.
“You look like I feel.” She was smiling. That was a good thing. And she wasn’t climbing off the bed, yet.
“How do you feel?” His throat was suddenly dry and the words came out sounding rough.
“A little sick to my stomach, a little dizzy.” Her smile grew. “And really happy.”
He cleared his throat. “Happy makes you dizzy?”
“Hyperventilating makes me dizzy and the man who loves me asking me to be his mate makes me hyperventilate. So, yeah, I guess happy equals dizzy.”
“So is the answer yes?”
“Yes. The answer is yes.”
She held his gaze for a moment longer and then leaned toward him, lips brushing against his, softly at first and then with a force that surprised him.
He sat forward, hands moving up to her shoulders, guiding her down onto the bed. He broke away from their kiss, looking down at her.
“I love you, Nikki. I always will.”
She held his face in her hands, meeting his gaze. “And I love you, Jax. For as long as I can, I will. And I’ll be your mate.”
He’d just claimed her mouth again, his tongue sliding along her lower lip, when she made a startled noise and pushed him away from her.
“What is it? Is something wrong?”
She was looking up at him, a slightly panicked look in her eyes. “When you say mate, exactly what do you mean? In what form?”
Jax propped himself on his elbow next to Nikki, resting his hand on her stomach. “Either. Whatever you want. I’m not asking you to become like me…right now.”
“But you’d want me to, at some point?” A faint frown line appeared between her eyes.
“If you want. I’d like it if you would…but I can’t force you.”
“But I’d have to be like you to be an alpha female, right?”
Jax rolled onto his back, hands behind his head. Nikki sat up, her hand on his chest, watching his face.
“Yes, to lead a pack, you’d have to be like me, a werewolf. And to have children who would be like me, yes, you’d have to be a werewolf.”
“Oh.” The frown line deepened.
“You don’t have to decide tonight. I’m not going to pressure you to change. We have pack members who have human mates. Finn, for one. Angela isn’t a werewolf. She’s a human, like you. She’s accepted who and what Finn is and isn’t ready to change. I think she will, when they’re ready to have a family. But they’re not quite ready for that yet.”
“And you want kids? Little cubs? Like you?” The frown had left Nikki’s face, but she still wasn’t smiling.
“Yes, I would. I’d like a son, someone who’d be alpha male someday.” Jax sat up, meeting Nikki’s gaze, hand to her cheek. “But right now, I want you. I want to make love to you and hopefully, make you happy.”
“You do make me happy. And really, really confused.” She laughed, lying back on the bed. “There’s so much to think about, to decide.”
Jax leaned over, kissing her softly. “There’s nothing to decide tonight. Just having you here right now is all I want.”
And Jax did his best to make Nikki happy, taking his time with everything he did, every touch, every kiss. He’d lost track of time, the room growing darker as he made love to her. She finally cried out, twisting beneath him, her body finding release, as he took his own.
She’d fallen asleep soon after that, tucked against him, her soft breathing soothing Jax, lulling him into his own deep sleep.
A soft knock woke Jax. He slid out of bed, tugging on jeans and padding silently across the floor, quietly opening the door. Finn was in the hall, worry creasing his face, tension in his stocky frame.
“Bec was out with a scouting party tonight and someone came back to say he’s found the thing. Wants to kill it. Thought you should know.”
“Thanks. I’ll be down in a minute.” He closed the door quietly. When he turned, Nikki was sitting up in bed in a pool of yellow light from the bedside lamp.
“Something with Bec? I heard his name.”
“Yeah.” Jax pulled a t-shirt over his head. “He found the wolf-thing and is going to try to take it on single-handed. I should go find him, at least have his back if he’s going to go through with this.”
He sat on the edge of the bed, pulling on his boots. “You’ll be fine here, right? Go back to sleep. I should be back before sunrise. Stay. Please.”
Nikki nodded. “I’ll be here when you get back.” He leaned toward her, kissing her softly. Then he left the room.
Chapter Five
She turned off the bedside light, listening to his footsteps receding down the hall. It was very late and the house was quiet, but there was movement, as if the house was restless and unable to go back to sleep.
The pillow next to her smelled like Jax and she took it, switching it with the one she’d been sleeping on. His rich masculine scent rose up and she inhaled deeply. What would it be like, living here, being his mate?
Would she want to be a werewolf, like Jax? She knew what he looked like, but what would it feel like to actually be a wolf, to lose control of yourself for that one night each month. Would it hurt? Or would it be somehow liberating?
She loved him, knew that in her very bones, in her heart. It was scary at first, to hear him say the words, to ask her to be his. He’d been just as scared, almost. His heart had been racing, his breathing just as fast as hers. He must have thought she’d say no or run screaming from his room.
But it was much less of a shock than learning he was a werewolf in the first place. That had been pretty overwhelming. So much that she’d only wanted him then, hard and fast, the almost-pain of rough sex wiping out her thoughts.
It hadn’t really taken away all her thoughts, just distracted her for a little while. Enough to get her bearings, get her head on straight.
Nikki yawned, pulling the blankets over her shoulder. Ironically, Jax was probably the most normal guy she’d known in a long time. He loved her and she loved him. And that seemed like such a simple thing, now that she’d finally given in to it. Being in love didn’t seem all that complicated, once she’d gotten past letting him into her heart.
*
Jax had come back to the house with Finn and the others, just before dawn, leaving Bec angry with him for tracking him down…checking up on him, had been Bec’s exact words.
He’d found his brother at Nikki’s old apartment, ghosting his way up the fire escape, just on the verge of climbing in through the broken window. He’d tried to stop Bec, but then followed him and the other pack members as they cautiously advanced through the tiny bathroom, into the bedroom. But the closet was empty, the clothing still scattered on the floor where Jax had left it. Nothing else had been disturbed and the scent was fading, nothing fresh.
They’d managed to finally agree, after a terse exchange of words, not to do anything else that night. And Bec reluctantly agreed to meet at the house later to at least talk about some kind of strategy, some kind of plan, so they could work together rather than be at each other’s throats.
Nikki was still sleeping when he entered his room. The sun was just lightening the sky, turning the gray to a dirty pink, the promise of rain heavy on the air. He’d stripped off his clothes and climbed in beside her, nuzzling her neck. She’d immediately rolled into his arms, drowsy and waking slowly.